# I'm getting tired



## xymenah (Jul 1, 2011)

I am getting tired of living in Arizona. I'm just not happy here. You know when you’re living somewhere that you just don’t feel like you belong? That’s here for me. It’s really not that bad honestly but it’s just not home for me. I look outside and just don’t like what I see. It’s dry and lacks the green I love. I look around the town at all the people and think I just don’t belong here. I blend physically with people my age around here I have a fohwak, stretched ears and wear nice clothes(it was not intentional I just like that style) but mentally we are a hundred thousand miles away. No one’s interested in farming or being self-sufficient. To make things worse I love to write and since I have moved here I have lost my muse. I go to write and I get one sentence down then just can’t do anymore. 

I have at least until April until I can move because despite being 18 my dad wants me to finish high school first not that I couldn’t finish it in North Carolina. I can’t find a job here. I have looked everywhere but no one’s hiring so I don’t have the funds to move myself yet. I always have my mom in my ear telling me how she doesn’t see how I can survive on my own. That I’m not in reality and I can’t just be an ignorant farmer. I relay 100% on hay here because there is no browse so there is no way I can earn any money on farming here. Especially with the cheapest I can find hay is a 100lb bale of alfalfa for $13.50. Grass hay is up to $17.00 a bale. Grain is $20.00 a bag. 

I know if I move to North Carolina my parents will get a divorce because my dad feels the same way about Arizona and he doesn’t want me to leave him. They already have a very stressed relationship. Its not that they don't love each other they are just not otherwise compatible at all. My dad and I are very close and he supports my want to farm 100% my mom on the other hand see's farmers as stupid hillbillies and prefers to get food from a store. I just need to rant here to people that understand. I’m sorry to offend anyone that lives in Arizona and loves it but it’s just not my place. My brother loves it so much here he has a 12inch tattoo of it on his leg.


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## nancy d (Oct 5, 2007)

Please keep one thing in mind; if you leave & your parents split it is NOT because of you.
As for the feeling of not belonging, many of us can relate to that.
You will move on someday & keep on farmin in some way or another.:hug:


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

The nice part is that you have time. It is good to finish high school first. Take this time to make plans and figure out a true plan to move where you want. Do your research now while you are under your parent's roof. That can definitely keep you busy till next spring.

As far as your parents, their marriage staying together or not has nothing to do with you. That relationship is between them. While you are affected by it, you would never be the reason for staying together or splitting up.

Keep your chin up and just go out there and give your goaties a big kiss and hug!


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## 8566 (Jul 18, 2012)

how about flagstaff. It's at a higher elevation and might have hay cheaper (irrigation?). Maybe some schooling someplace.

My oldest is 20 and my middle is 17.5. We are a close family and the oldest still gets homesick. She is 2 hrs away at CSU. I imagine the middle is going to be the same way. So much so that I've enforced the rule that her first year of college has to be instate.

And why NC? There are plenty closer places with great farming. I think before you decide to move you need to figure out what you want to be when you grow up and how to get there. Make a plan. I think you're parents will respect your decision much more. Maybe a road trip?

I'm saying this and I know you probably want to experience it yourself. But let me just say my kids have sworn they want this or that and when the time comes and they give it a try they decide to go with something else.

And ..... a low paying job isn't going to allow you to have much. You will have rent, utilities, food, gas, car payment maybe and car insurance maybe. 

It's hard everywhere to get a job. You just have to keep trying and polish your interview skills. Do you ask questions of the interviewer? You need to. Do you research the place your going to interview at? You need to.

K - I say ask for a road trip for graduation and hit the road for a month. Save your money up and maybe buy a bus pass.


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## Stacykins (Mar 27, 2012)

I hope you can find a place that you love to live, and also can find a job at. 

I will rave about the UP of Michigan. It is rural, has only 3% of the entire state's population. And winters can be brutal (but I'm in the "banana belt" of the UP, much less snow and warmer temperatures because of the great lake). When I got her, I fell in love. It feels right, if that makes sense. Most everyone here is so down to earth, and friendly, even if you don't know them! Sure, a few are crotchety (there are those folk everywhere), but for the most part nice. Land is cheap, cost of living is cheap, and hay is cheap too. A lot of young folks are fleeing the UP. I'm a strange one who came to da UP. 

Downside: the only jobs available are trucking jobs (for timber and taconite industry) and medical jobs. They never have enough medical people here, because there is a HUGE aging population here. Nursing homes always need CNAs (and they're strangely fantastic nursing homes, not crappy places that just warehouse the elderly and provide the bare minimums). But because the cost of living is so low here, less gets you so much farther.


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## xymenah (Jul 1, 2011)

Thank you guys. And I do know that my parents divorce isn't my fault but I also know that my leaving will force the issue. If I had my druthers I would much rather live in one of the upper states. Like Montana or someplace like that maybe even Alaska. I LOVE the cold. But here's the thing. I know I'm not 100% ready to be by myself in a strange state with no family support yet. I want to set myself up for success so NC is more of a stepping stone if that makes since. Who knows I may stay there forever. NC is where allot of my family is. My grand mother, aunt and several cousins are there. There are also several living options there for me already that I know I can afford and a job. 

I have already talked to my aunt about working my way up to become a manager of her diary farm. The goat dairy is something her husband started and she keeps it up since he has died but has no real interest in it. She stays more with her hog business. So they are not really making money on it despite it running for at least five years and having over 2,000 milking does alone. There are some issues with the goats care that I feel really need to be taken care of. They have a fairly high death, lameness and mastitis rate in my opinion that really is unnecessary. I understand that with a herd that large there are going to be allot of issues like that but when they are left entirely untreated it's not going to get better. I know I can help bring up the over all production of the farm with just a little care. Which is part of the reason I really want to move there ASAP. In the summer of 2009 I worked as a kid care taker for two months and was living with one of my cousins. That was when our house in Mississippi sold and I had to leave to move to Arizona. I wanted to stay and actually told my parents to just move my stuff to NC but they would not let me.


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## HaleyD (Sep 12, 2012)

I know exactly how you feel. I grew up in a suburb where hardly anyone even knew the difference between goats and sheep (I was often asked this question when I was in FFA). I didn't like any of the stuck up snobby kids at my school so I didn't have very many friends at all, and the friends I did have were a year older than me so my senior year I really didn't have anyone. My school was huge and every was very superficial, I couldn't stand it. It was like being judged 24/7 because I didn't spend much time getting ready in the mornings compare to the other girls who looked like the were always ready to go to prom or something. I would wear jeans and a t shirt just about every day and was actually teased for it sometimes. I never really had much of an interest in clothes so when I had money I chose to spend it elsewhere. I joined FFA to try to find some people I might get along with but it was the opposite. I lived in a wealthy area so the prize money at our school rodeo was very large and this caused an insane amount of drama. All the animals had to be raised at the school barns and people would poison other peoples animals, flood their pens by leaving the hose in it over night, let other peoples animals loose at night never to return, and many other things. I couldn't handle the drama so I quit after my Junior year and got to Pygmy/ND wethers to keep as pets. And yes... I lived in a suburb and kept them in my backyard :laugh: it was VERY against the rules but fortunately I had the right set of neighbors to allow it it work. 

I graduated December 2011 and I moved out of my house and that town 2 months ago today exactly. Me and my boyfriend of 3 years are now renting 5 acres in a small town between Dallas and Waco TX. I can't say it's all been a wonderful experience but it has had it's ups and downs. My mom was the same way. She was constantly telling me I wasn't ready to move out on my own and things like that but I think it was just because I was the last kid to move out so it was hard for her. The move itself was hard. It's a very strange feeling saying goodbye to everything and everyone you have known your whole life, but it is also refreshing. My new town has not been as great as I thought it would be though. We live in a very beautiful area but the peple here aren't friendly AT ALL. We don't really have any neighbors and we don't get much social contact with other people anymore. Across the street is a bunch of cows, to our right is a fencing company's storage area, behind us is pasture land, and to our left is a couple who is constantly having violent fights outside. We haven't made very many friends yet because we both go to small colleges (I go to a community college and he goes to trade school) and no one seems to talk very much. I always thought I would enjoy being far away from people but this is TOO isolated for me, or at lest right now because of my age. It's very hard for me to see my friends on Facebook who went to big universities having fun and enjoying the "college experience" while I am stuck in the middle of nowhere. And my friends never have time to visit me and I can't visit them because I have to take care of my animals. 

I could never find a job in my old town (outside of Houston) and I thought it would be easier to find on here since there wouldn't be such a high concentration of high school students but I was wrong, it's just as hard or harder. My town is so small that there are only about three places I could work without having to drive 45mins, which would cost me way to much in gas with my truck I have now. 

My parents are similar as well, I don't think they would split up but they don't get a long very well. My mom likes the suburbs and my dad wants to move out to west Texas and get a big piece of land. My mom has no interest in farming or livestock or anything like that. I def got that from my dad. I guess I always have been a "daddy's girl"

Just make sure you a ready to move out before you do. I think I may have jumped the gun on the one. I thought it would be all fun and games but it isn't. Trying to go to school, get a job, run the household, and take care of all my animals is proving to be quite the job. Don't get me wrong, it is fun a lot of the time, but I feel like I have sacrificed a big part of my life to live out here. It makes me wish I was still enjoying living under my parent's roof for another year or so but there's no going back now. Enjoy it while you can, because the real world is a little scary :shocked:


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## Dayna (Aug 16, 2012)

If you can get a job Hawaii is fabulous. Best advice though is to not move here without a job. It's hard to get a job once you are here. You can grow anything here though, it's amazing! I'm so loving it.

I can understand your fear of being away from home. I lived in the same town as both my parents until I was 33 and moved to Hawaii from Alaska! It was very very scary but so worth it.

Good luck on whatever you decide. College is always a good idea, I never went and regret it. 

If your parents divorce it's totally their deal and not yours. My husbands parents stayed together till he was out of the house and they (and him) were miserable. He wished they had just divorced earlier and allowed some stress free living!


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## HoosierShadow (Apr 20, 2010)

I'm so sorry your going through this. Your young, and some of these worries shouldn't be your worries at all.
First....you can not blame yourself, or let anyone blame you if your parents were to split up. What, are you going to stay home the rest of your life just so they
are happy and stay together? I think not.
I'd hope that maybe your parents could get into counseling, get an experienced adult involved to help them with their differences, maybe find ways to revive their
marriage, and make it exciting again? I would highly encourage this.
Counseling CAN work in many marriages. My husband and I went through counseling years ago, if we hadn't we definitely wouldn't be together right now.

But sometimes people just grow apart, want different things. My parents split up when I was 15. They had been together 30+ years, married 27.
It was very heartbreaking, but they just weren't on the same page, they weren't happy, and counseling wasn't going to change it. They just wanted different things.
Honestly, I remember I loved them and wanted them to stay together, but I knew even at that age it wasn't going to work, they were just too distant from each other.
Why hang onto something like that? Ya know? Why spend your life being unhappy and miserable if things just aren't meant to be?
So there's a lot to consider.

I definitely understand your longing to be somewhere else. I grew up in IN, and my heart belongs to KY  I wasn't much older than you when I moved to KY, except I was a single mom <I left my ex husband...he turned out to not be the man I married  >.
It was extremely hard, and I was just moving 3 1/2 hours away! Moving is costly no matter what, and it's hard to get into a place without some $$ on hand. 
If you truly want to move, make sure your ready for it. Look into where you want to go, prices of living there, and look for a job before you go, try to line something up so when you get out there, you have something that can go too, even if it doesn't work out, at least you might get a couple of paychecks to see you through until you find something else.
My best friend and I moved to Ky together, I honestly don't think we could have done it without each other's help.
We came down here a few times and talked to farms, and once we found a job, we found an apartment we could afford on that job's pay, and we moved down here.

Anyway, there is a lot to think about, but don't push yourself too soon. Your young, you'll see those rolling hills, beautiful trees, and green grass again


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

Your NC plan is not a bad one. Especially since you do realize that you still need family. If you have a place to stay and a job and support, that is a great start. There are things like owning a car and having car insurance to figure out yet. Also how are you going to get to NC.

But, I would still suggest staying where you are now and finishing high school. Even if you can attend high school in NC, that dairy job is going to take a lot of time. Enjoy high school and continue to make your plans. Figure out all the details. Then once you graduate, if you still want to go there, then work on how to do it.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Everyone said it well. It will be OK and things will work out. :hug:


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## xymenah (Jul 1, 2011)

Dayna your parents sound like mine. They have NEVER been happy with each other in their 20 year relationship even with counseling. So in all honesty it would be a relief for everyone if the got a divorce but I guess they just have always been together so its still hard for me. I have actually talked to them about and told them both that if they are unhappy don't stay together because of me. I want them to be happy so if they when they are apart go for it.

Ksalvagno I am home schooled online so I only need a little time for school. I can generally finish a days worth in three hours sometimes less but I do understand that I probably need to stay until I'm done. I already have a truck and a (14ft I think) stock trailer for my goats and fencing supplies. Right now my parents are paying for my truck but I can take on the payments once I leave. They are $266 a month plus $63 for insurance which I know will go up once I'm off my parents plan. I was previously being payed $6 an hour last time I worked there but that was then. I should get at least minimum wage. I can pretty much pick my own hours but they work on the farm from 5:00-6:00am to 8:00-9:00pm. They only have a 24 goat milking parlor so it takes all day to milk twice. However when most anyone works on my aunts farm they have the option of living on her land in one of her houses/trailers with only the cost of utilities. There are currently two vacant houses they both need some TLC but were still liveable the last time I saw them. 

I think one of the reasons right now that I really want to get over there is Candice and Victoria are most likely pregnant and my mom never gave me permission to breed them this year. I talked to her about Victoria a few months ago but she didn't exactly say yes and Candice was accidental. I was going to talk to her about it first but Candice broke a hole in my fence for Dante to get through. So now I'm walking on pins a needles because I know if I tell her she's going to flip. She's giving me mixed signals. She let me buy a milking machine(with my own money) but telling me I need to dry all my goats up. Which they are now.


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## xymenah (Jul 1, 2011)

Looks like I may be moving there soonish anyway.... Not gonna say all the details because I really don't know right now but I'll keep you guys updated so if I disappear you know why.


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

Good luck with whatever will happen! :hug:


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