# Holidays - how to deal with family drama?



## HoosierShadow (Apr 20, 2010)

So with the holidays coming up I am trying to get in a festive mood. Thanksgiving we are staying home as we usually do since my husband works that morning & the days after (he works with horses, and they don't recognize holidays lol).

My brother & SIL want to come down, and they are always welcome here 
We don't talk a whole lot lately, as I have been super busy the past couple of months, and so have they.
However, I guess my step sister's nearly 18yo daughter is living with them, and she has a past that is not so great, with being a runaway, and I guess having issues with stealing stuff <her mom was the exact same way>.
She did come to my house over the summer with them & some other family was here and we had no issues, she let a few bad words slip, but did apologize for them. We don't cuss, especially around kids (although, the occasional bad word slips in the heat of the moment, lol).

Apparently, they are not going to another families house nearby for Thanksgiving because the girl is not allowed there. I found out since I saw them this summer that some stuff went down, and she caused some problems. 
However, she is still there, and now they are asking if she is allowed to come down for Thanksgiving.
I have no personal issue with her, and I don't want to place my opinion on her when I just don't know everything that is going on, and again, she's never done anything to me or my family? But I still have to worry because I don't want there to be a first time, ya know?

So with all that said, I am thinking of saying yes she can come, but I ask that she doesn't make me have a reason for regretting my decision. She's got most of the family turned away from her, does she want to scar anyone else and lose more?

What do you think? Anyone else have family drama you have to contend with during the holidays?
It's really heartbreaking, because I love my family so much. I don't like to see them having issues, or people causing trouble.

Thanks for listening to me ramble, it's a tough situation, one I never like to get into.


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## Jessica84 (Oct 27, 2011)

Well I won't be the the only one with drama this year I guess lol but mine is just a rude sister in law and a brother in law that cheated on my sister but I didn't need to get into that lol
I personally would go ahead and let her come. Whatever she is untrustworthy about keep a eye open for (put your money and valuables away) I do have to give her a pat on the back for knowing she was in the wrong for cussing and taking responsibility for it. Basically the way I see it is kids screw up, some way more then others and with the running away it sounds like she has some problems of her own. I would think that if she was treated with respect and was kind to her that she wouldn't want another person judging her and she would behave herself. Again though keep a eye on what you know she has had a problem with and stand your ground if she does screw up but don't make her feel like she has been judged from the moment she walked threw the door.......make sense?


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

I agree. Hide any valuables and close doors of any rooms. Treat her with love and respect.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Good advice given.


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## Dayna (Aug 16, 2012)

How do I deal with family drama?

Easy, I moved thousands of miles away to an island in the middle of the ocean. lol


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## Terra Mia (Dec 21, 2011)

I had a niece that was stealing things. It was happening to her closest family. I almost think she could not control it. It was pain meds, electronics ( tablets). I agree with most of the individuals who posted before, just keep meds and valuables locked up.


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## AncientBlue (Dec 21, 2014)

The holidays are usually pretty relaxing here. We may go see family about an hour away or just stay home. The less fuss the more I enjoy them. I am, however, having a party for my daughter who just got into the Air Force. I didn't expect so many to RSVP. Right now we have 40 - 50 people who have confirmed. The biggest drama queen is my daughter but I'm pretty sure the Air Force will take care of that for me. lol


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## HoosierShadow (Apr 20, 2010)

Thanks for all of the advice! It ended up going very well, although her and my SIL had a big disagreement as they were leaving, not sure what all of that was about, wasn't any of my business so I didn't ask, but hopefully whatever it was they sorted it out.


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

Glad it went well.


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## luvmyherd (Apr 9, 2011)

Glad *doing the right thing* worked out for you. I hope it goes further and that she realizes how much better life is when people can trust you.

>>Easy, I moved thousands of miles away to an island in the middle of the ocean. lol<<
We lived in Hawaii for 8 years. Best Holiday seasons of my life!!


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## HoosierShadow (Apr 20, 2010)

Thanks. Well unfortunately I guess her and my SIL had it out, and she is in foster care now. I am disappointed, but I don't know both sides of the story, and honestly, I just want to stay out of it. 

On the upside, we are planning a big family party the weekend after Christmas, and everyone is getting excited. We can't wait.


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

That is too bad. Hopefully things will turn around for her.


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## HoosierShadow (Apr 20, 2010)

ksalvagno said:


> That is too bad. Hopefully things will turn around for her.


Unfortunately I just learned that it was worse than what I thought  Apparently she stole my brother's credit card and racked it up, as well as had been stealing $$ from them, and some other stuff, so awful. They are going to press charges for the theft.
I wish this wasn't the outcome, I was hoping it was just them not getting along...


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

That is a shame. I hope she can turn her life around.


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## HoosierShadow (Apr 20, 2010)

ksalvagno said:


> That is a shame. I hope she can turn her life around.


Me too  Unfortunately, it's definitely one of those 'the apple didn't fall far from the tree' ordeals. Such a shame. Same thing with her Mom, I'd always wished she would turn her life around and get out of the city and actually do something for herself and her kids.


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## deerbunnyfarm (Dec 14, 2015)

That really stinks. We have a similar situation in our family...an aunt with mental health issues whose teenage son is now having really serious issues. Unfortunately they're across the country and we have very little influence to be able to make any positive impact. It's a very difficult place to be. I'll be praying for everyone involved.


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