# Etiquette question about baby shower



## Dani-1995 (Mar 11, 2011)

I know someone who is going to have their 2nd child this summer. She has asked the family (me) to throw her a baby shower. The 1st child is 3 or 4 and she still has baby stuff. 

Is it right in terms of etiquette or whatever to ask for a baby shower on your second child? I always thought it was just for the 1st child


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## NyGoatMom (Jan 26, 2013)

I don't know about etiquette but I would think a second shower was fine...but I might approach it differently. Like have a list of what she could really use...


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

Normally you only have a baby shower for the first child but I don't know if things have changed. I think I would not appreciate it if someone asked me to put on a baby shower when they really shouldn't have one anyway. To me if no one has offered to have a baby shower for her, then it is still only for the first child.


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## nancy d (Oct 5, 2007)

Huh. Someone gave me one for my 2nd child some 30 yrs ago, I sure didnt mind!


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## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

My mom was given showers for her first 7 children! (There were 9 in all.) It's not usual, but I don't see how it can be improper.
ETA - maybe it wasn't all 7, but I know she was given at least 3 or 4 showers over the years.


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## StaceyRosado (Oct 5, 2007)

is there a reason she thinks she should have a new shower? The reason for a shower is to get the "big ticket items" that last for many kids. we had one for my sister and the things like stroller, playpen, dressers, crib etc were all generic so if she has a boy next time then it will work for a boy too.

The only time I would think a second shower would be helpful is when the first child is many years older then the second. Ive heard of people having a second child after the first is like 10-15 years old. By then stuff has been sold, gifted, or given away to others. 

That said I do believe our family gave a small shower to my cousins wife when they were going to have their first child together - it was her 3rd boy and less then 2 years after her second. So there are extenuating circumstances I suppose.


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## Dani-1995 (Mar 11, 2011)

We gave her things from my last kid. I was 11 when he was born.and she didn't have a shower. It was 2 carseats, a stroller, tons of clothes for a boy and plenty of generic blankies and toys. We also aren't close with her, she is my uncles wife and none of us have ever been too close. We don't know if it is a boy or girl. I understand for a girl they would need a few things. 

Seeing that we aren't close I'm not sure why we were asked to host it. It seems like something someone closer to you would host and plan. I don't mind the shower its just expecting us to plan and buy all the food and such... I'm sure we'll help either way. It just sounded a bit odd to me


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## NyGoatMom (Jan 26, 2013)

Well, there ya go...I am officially "socially retarded" from being with my animals too much....LOL....


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## nancy d (Oct 5, 2007)

That makes two of us NyGoatMom.


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## goathiker (Apr 14, 2011)

My family does throw showers for the poorer members of our family if they need it. I only got one with my first though. 

I think the issue here though is that she asked for it. That isn't proper. Showers for brides, babies, etc. are something that family and freinds throw for someone, not something to be expected by the person (does that even make sense?) 

If SHE wants something then SHE should host a welcome home party at her house a couple weeks after the baby is born. Everyone can meet the baby and bring gifts at that time. 

The main question is whether not doing it will cause problems in the family and is it worth it?


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## StaceyRosado (Oct 5, 2007)

so you are saying despite it being her second child she has not yet had a baby shower? was teh first child a surprise and no one threw her a shower? 

maybe she is afraid that will happen again and is asking family to do it so that she is sure to get one. There is somethign special about having a baby shower (though Ive yet to have one myself I know mines coming in a couple months because Im having my first and its an exciting thought).


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

I have to agree with you on not being happy about being expected to buy the food and plan and mail out the invitations. Maybe no one close to her is offering so she wants one and just trying to find someone who will do it. I have to admit that I would feel very put out if someone did that to me. Especially if I'm not even close to them. Both my sisters only had one baby shower but we, of course, gave gifts when the other children were born.

Since she didn't have a shower for her first child, it certainly isn't bad if she had one for her second child but I still think it is rude to ask someone to do it. Plus it puts you in a bad position. If you say no, you look bad. If you say yes, then you have a big expense and everything on your hands.


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## chelsboers (Mar 25, 2010)

The first baby is a shower after that they are called sprinkles. It is supposed to be a smaller party, close friends and family, and is to celebrate the upcoming arrival. People usually give small things like clothes, diapers, or formula. I didn't have one, but several of my family and friends have.


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## Dani-1995 (Mar 11, 2011)

Sorry I forgot to mention it earlier. She had a shower for the first born. 

Its not that we mind throwing a shower, its that she asked us to foot the bill and plan.


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

What if you just had close family and friends and asked everyone to bring a dish. Since she already had a shower, it really doesn't need to be a big shower. That is if you feel that you have to do it. Then you can keep your costs down.

Does everyone have email? You can send one of those email invites.

I know sometimes it is hard to get out of even if you don't want to do it.


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## Dani-1995 (Mar 11, 2011)

ksalvagno said:


> What if you just had close family and friends and asked everyone to bring a dish. Since she already had a shower, it really doesn't need to be a big shower. That is if you feel that you have to do it. Then you can keep your costs down.
> 
> Does everyone have email? You can send one of those email invites.
> 
> I know sometimes it is hard to get out of even if you don't want to do it.


That's what I told my mom to do. We'll know soon enough if it will be a boy or girl. I'm not sure how but we are seen as the financially able in our family... that's far from the truth! I also like the idea of a welcome home party... that's very cute!

I'm not sure how many friends she has or anything like that. Like I said we are not very close with her. I will talk to her on Saturday since I'm the planner and see what she had in mind (I plan lots of stuff so.I'm pretty good at it). I'm seventeen so I've never had a child or anything and won't for quite some time. I just know from my little brother and cousins that have been born.

We will help either way, just wasn't too sure how to take it.


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## seren (Jan 28, 2012)

I had a shower for each baby, but I had 1 boy and 1 girl! So everything was different, my mom threw both if them and for my daughter I registered for smaller ticket items. We did a diaper raffle at my second shower so diapers where a lot of the gifts, but we went through them all! 
I have been to many showers that were potluck style and it was fun!


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

I have to admit that I'm at a point in my life where I would just say no (even if it makes the family mad) if I felt they were just using me or simply didn't have the time or funds. But I know that not everyone can do that. If you can't financially afford to throw her a party (and really shouldn't have to), then I would find a way to have everyone help out with costs.


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## goathiker (Apr 14, 2011)

That's where I'm at in life too, Karen. I usually have half the family mad at me regardless.


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## gmsoap (Sep 14, 2012)

Something that's popular right now for a second child is a "Sprinkle" instead of a shower (Google it!) =) But, if you don't want to throw one anyway....I don't see why you should! =)


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## NyGoatMom (Jan 26, 2013)

I would come right out and say..."I'm sorry,I can't afford it, but I am more than willing to help decorate or make the cake. That I can do!"


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## Dani-1995 (Mar 11, 2011)

I think we'll tell her we can only put a set amount into it. We can afford some but not the full cost of one. I think the sprinkle thing would cool or the welcome home party. I personally like the welcome home party better since we'll be able to see the new baby but that might be stressful on the.mom. I know when my brother was born my stayed stressed for a few weeks but she also hadn't had a baby in nine years and had a rough pregnancy

I don't mind planning it either but it was odd to be asked. I thought it was a first baby thing and that people usually throw it for them, not asking for one.


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## JaLyn (Oct 10, 2012)

I threw a shower for my daughter for her first and her second. She had a boy then a girl. These days you can throw as many as you want now of course tell her not to necessarily expect near the expensive gifts because with jessies first she got alot of items she could use with her second so with her second she got more clothes and stuff like that. It's the celebration of a child coming into the world and makes moms feel good.


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## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

> There is somethign special about having a baby shower (though Ive yet to have one myself I know mines coming in a couple months because Im having my first and its an exciting thought).


:stars: CONGRATS STACEY!


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## Dani-1995 (Mar 11, 2011)

Thank you all for your input! I think we'll plan for a small shower and also suggest the welcome home thing. Either way we'll do something. I'm excited to have.my 22nd cousin and no I'm not exaggerating. 

I missed the part when Stacey was expecting! Congrats!


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## NyGoatMom (Jan 26, 2013)

Congrats Stacey


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## LuvmyGoaties (Mar 9, 2010)

I didn't read all of the responses but at my 3 year old daughter's pre school we have ahd a number of moms having their 2nd or 3rd child and we have had "diaper parties" where we have a party with a cake, games etc. just like a baby shower but every body brings diapers (all sizes) and wipes.  You know, the stuff that you can't use from one child to the next.


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## J.O.Y. Farm (Jan 10, 2012)

StaceyRoop said:


> (though Ive yet to have one myself I know mines coming in a couple months because Im having my first and its an exciting thought).


CONGRATS STACEY!!! So happy for you and your hubby!!

Sent from my iPod touch using GoatSpot


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## caprine crazy (Jun 12, 2012)

Congrats Stacey! Very happy for you!


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