# Its all hit me at once today



## keren (Oct 26, 2008)

Sigh. Its been a bad day. I guess I just wanted to get it out which is why I'm writing here. 

I think everything just all got to me all at once today, I'm stressed and I found myself just suddenly crying. I was hoping to have a productive day but instead just wallowed on the couch all day and watched movies. I've just got no motivation. 

My dad has just been diagnosed with lung cancer. I now live on the other side of the country so I cant just pop round and visit him and mum. Its a $400 flight to get over there, and I just cant afford it, much less doing it regularly. I'm worried about him and scared for him. I call whenever I can but he is on really strong painkillers so sleeps mostly all day and night anyway so whenever I call he is asleep anyway. To make it worse my brothers and sisters are all living close to mum and dad, and they keep visiting every day, and helping round the house etc. which is great but then my sister and mum keep saying how I should be flying over, how I should be coming to visit, and since I dont I obviously dont care about him. Its just not that simple and its just not fair!

Then my other half is still struggling with kidney stones, he is in pain and grumpy and it just takes all my energy nursing him. We've made three late night visits to emergency and he's not sleeping at night, tossing and turning etc so I've had bugger all sleep. I've had three or four days off work, called in sick because I was just too tired, so I hope they dont get cranky with me for that. 

Then we've just learned that our house will probably be sold, we have been renting this house with five acres and stables etc. Our lease runs out in April so I guess we will have to leave then. I'm so scared about where we are going to go and what on earth I am going to do with my five goats and alpaca. I've been looking and there's really nothing around with enough land to put my goats on it, I only need an acre at the least but we live on the outskirts of a capital city and it seems all the hobby farms are for sale not for rent. The ones that are for rent state no pets (which is crazy, cos they are marketed as 10 acre horse property etc) or want like $900 a week and there's no way I can afford that (we pay $360 currently and I reckon we could afford $400). It will break my heart to have to sell them but I honestly dont know what else to do. I was supposed to be going to look at some mini milking does to add to my herd today, to put nigerian dwarf semen in and thus start the ND breed in australia, but I didnt go see them because I dont know if its wise to add to the herd if I dont know if I am going to have somewhere for them to live in a few months time. 

Then I got an email recently and learned that of my 9 angoras that are on lease, only 5 are left, the others have died and the people hadnt even informed me. 

Sorry for the very long post, its not really that big a deal just all seemed to crash down onto me today. I'm crying again so I'm going to go out and cuddle a goat. Its way past their dinner time anyway so I'd better go take care of that. 

Thanks for listening.


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## SandStoneStable Farm (Dec 8, 2010)

Yep, a crappy day. I'd sit down for a good cry too. :hug: 
Sorry to hear about Dad, maybe a card or letter to tell him how much you love him and that you will come when you can?
Hope things get managable soon :hug:


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## Jessaba (May 13, 2010)

I know alllll about the cancer situation...my mom had lung cancer and passed in may of this year....but we lived next door and she couldn't get rid of us! I agree a letter or card saying how much you love him will go a long way  Sounds like you need a good cry..I hope things get better for you and you can keep your goaties..

your family is in my thoughts :hug:


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## keren (Oct 26, 2008)

and my @#%%&*"?! dog jusy ate a whole round of baked ricotta that was on the coffee table, i'd eaten three bites pf it! grrrrr he knows better than to steal food off the coffee table


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## Di (Jan 29, 2008)

Is your Dad getting treatment? Cancer is such an ugly disease. By the time they found out my mother had cancer it was too late for any treatment, except pallative. It was a sad time. Can you get help from family to make the trip? I'll keep him in my prayers. So sorry you are having to deal with this.

Is your fiance getting treatment for his stones? That has to be one of the more painful conditions...it would certainly make me crabby!

Sometimes I need a good cry...it's frustration...everythings happening and you have no control of anything...go ahead...we get it. :grouphug:


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## Willow (Jun 12, 2011)

So sorry that you are going through this. Sometimes things just pile up all at once and its so hard to see through an impossible sitaution. Let your parents know how much you care. Its great that your siblings are there to help...so you know he and your mom are being taken care of. Your siblings are being insensitive to your situation. [Perhaps the could chip in with air fare $$]. Your first responsibility is to take care of your husband and to work on finding a new place. Know that you are just one person doing her best. :hug: This is a good time to live "One day at a Time". When my mother was so ill and I was split between traveling to be with her, taking care of my older husband, taking care of the farm and working full time...it was overwhelming...and I was living one hour at a time... Keep taking care of yourself and enlist the help of friends and colleagues to help with the search for your next place. ray:


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## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

_Oh man!_ What a day. I would be crying too.  :hug: I think everyone has given great advice.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Man... when it rains it pours...I am so sorry your life isn't good right now...have faith... Sorry your Dad is so ill...that is so sad...  
It isn't fair of your family to down you for not visiting.....if money is tight... it isn't your fault at all.... it is the economy.... I know you feel bad about not being able to go visit him........and you do care and love your dad..... there is no question in which your family should know that....

Prayers do go along way.... and he is in my Prayers.... ray: 

Sorry you are going to lose your place... have you asked around to rent a small area for your animals on someone else's place.... so you have some time to look for another place?

Kidding stones can't be fun...hope he gets better soon... :hug: 

Hang in there...hopefully things will turn around soon...for the better....

Sorry for the losses of the angora's ...


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## Burns Branch Boers (Apr 11, 2011)

I am so sorry :hug: That is such alot for your to have to deal with. Take a deep breath-first things first, one step at a time. 

I understand about parents living far away--it is hard and you can't just hop on a flight and go, esp. w/animals that need care. I know how you feel there. I wish your family would understand it too. 

I am praying that good news comes your way-you deserve it, bless your heart!

btw--I would sit around in my p.j's as well :laugh:


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## .:Linz:. (Aug 25, 2011)

:hug: So sorry to read all that. I'll be praying for you all.


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## CapriGem (May 12, 2010)

:hug: (((HUGS))) :grouphug:


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## lissablack (Nov 30, 2009)

You are really having a hard time Keren, it's okay for you to feel this bad. You are doing the best anyone could do, and it will get better. You have hugs from me, I wish I could really give them to you. Love the one you're with. He needs you too. Sending written things, cards, to your dad is a really good idea. Those are concrete things that can be held in a hand. And they can be looked at over and over. Write him letters, send him cards, do it a lot. He knows you can't fly in there all the time. I'm sorry about the goat situation too, but in the long run that can be remade. It won't be the end of the goats for you, no matter what happens. It might just have to be rebuilt later.

Hold on and we are rooting for you.


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## freedomstarfarm (Mar 25, 2011)

:hug: Sorry it was such a crappy day!


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## keren (Oct 26, 2008)

thanks everyone :hug: 

I'm feeling a bit better today ... woke up this morning still pretty blue but went to work and had a good hard day's work outside and chatted with my work mate and feel a lot better this afternoon. 

My fiance is on heavy pain medication, anti nausea, anti inflammatory etc for the kidney stones but it doesnt help that much, and he just has to wait for them to pass  

Not much is known about dad's cancer yet, he sees the oncologist and specialist on thursday to find out how advanced it is and how treatable ... I do know that he will be having chemo but they are waiting to hear when that will start 

At the moment he is on oxycontin for pain, plus a bunch of other stuff, mum says he just takes the medication and it makes him sleep like 24/7 otherwise he is in too much pain. He's barely eating and drinking anything. 

I just recieved a message a short while ago saying he has been admitted to the hospital, he was not coping with the pain even with the oxy and he is also very dehydrated so he is on fluids. Havent heard anything else. 

I am just making a christmas present to send over ... its only small as I said money is rather tight but I am making them a calendar with a bunch of photos from over here in western australia, photos of me and my goats and my fiance (who they havent met yet) and our house and the tourist spots etc... just our life here really. I will send it with a letter and of course a christmas card.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

The calender is a nice gift.... :thumb: 

I am sorry your Dad is in alot of pain...  

Praying for all... ray: :hug:


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## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

Prayers for your fiance and your dad. God bless you! :hug:


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## lissablack (Nov 30, 2009)

Things like your calendar are the best kind of gifts for him. Plus letters, cards, mail. Those things will make his day.


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## keren (Oct 26, 2008)

Well yesterday afternoon i found out that dads cancer is terminal. It is just palliative care now. Im not really sure what to think/feel/say/do roght now. I musy still be in shock. Got home.yesterday amd just went to be, slept for thirteen hours. Was irrationally angry yesterday. Was vexperiencong a lot of anxoety today. Plus burst into tears when i told hubby. Apologies for the spelling misyakes im using my phone. Just waoting fpr hubs to get home ... I need hugs. Today was a very hard day.


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## Gumtree (Aug 15, 2009)

Keren,

I got nothing to say... but i'm very sorry for you...be strong... :hug:


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## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

:hug: Hugs and prayers.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

I am so very sorry Keren......  if you can't visit and spend time with him....give him a call and tell him how much you love him....Or ..keep sending cards or things that will mean a lot to him....
This is a very hard thing to go through....for all involved.....

Some terminal patients ...last for quite a few years... after the first initial news.... If you can sometime maybe go see him... if..... it is at all possible... I would go ..... and cherish the the time with him.... even if it is for a day..... if there is no way to do that.... it isn't your fault...but be sure he knows... that he is very much loved.... :hug: ray:


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