# looking for some parenting help



## kramsay (Mar 7, 2013)

Hey guys I was wondering if any of you mommas have some advise for me. My son is 19months old and is one of those kids who NEVER sits still unless he is asleep, he is constantly getting in trouble for things he KNOWS he should not be doing but doesn't care. You can watch him when he walks into a room he scans it for things to get into and as soon as he is set down he runs to whatever he saw. We call him Tornado Glen. And it is not because I don't get on him, I feel like I spend my entire day saying "no glen" "put it back" "we don't to this because of this <before time out) and spanking him or putting him in time out and it is not working...Spankings- don't bother him, he will cry a little then go right back to whatever it was he was doing that got him in trouble. Same thing with time outs. He isn't like most kids, I have watched children his age before, they don't act like this. He plays with toys no more then 1 hour in an entire day, the rest of the time he is getting into things he shouldn't. 

I have tried finger painting, playing in shaving cream, playdoh doesn't like those. He does like to color but for no more then 5 min at a time. 

Yesterday morning he was climbing up in the bar stools; he climbed the chair I spanked him he ran right back and climbed up the chair, that time I spanked him and made him sit in time out for 2 min, ran right back we done this about 10 times before I took the bar stools and set them on the porch. 


My mom said my brother was like this I asked her what she done and she said nothing really worked, she would spank him, timeouts, and as he got a little older started taking things away and telling him he couldn't go places. 

By the time my husband gets home at 6 I am ready to break down, I am just drained. Do you guys have any kind of advise on what to do?


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

Look into "Love & Logic" books by Jim Fay. They are really good.


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## hallsthirdacrefarm (Mar 30, 2011)

Is it just doing things he shouldnt, like to test you...or that he really enjoys climbing? My brother really enjoyed climbing...still does, he moved to colorado to do so. If he really enjoys climbing could you find several used plastic climbers to use in the house...maybe rotate them out & reconfigure them for interest? We also had an assortment of large boxes dad wouldbring home to climb in, hide in, stack, etc....just ideas...if his getting into things has some consistency...you might be abel to find an alternative.


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## NyGoatMom (Jan 26, 2013)

Call nanny 911. I have seen some of those shows...they are amazing! I am so sorry he is difficult  I had one son who was "naughty"...it took sports to get his energy out...can you take him out to play ball daily?


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## Chadwick (Jan 24, 2014)

No advise here but that story sounds like you were at our house when my son was that age! I can say that he eventually grew out of the trouble half of it, however he is still very interested in all things. His curiosity lends well to learning and he constantly tests above 90th percentile, so .......


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## Goats Rock (Jun 20, 2011)

Have you spoken to your Pediatrician? Other than drugs, maybe they have some suggestions.
My little brother was full of energy and my mom used to put a little harness and leash on him and take him for 
long walks everyday, until my other brother showed Charles how to take the harness off! Then mom used a horse
halter as a harness. (We were a farm family- I guess city people might frown on the harness on a kid thing! For us, it worked!)


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## Mikesell04 (Jan 26, 2014)

Oh that age is just so hard!! I remember it well.. My kids got into everything the could.. No matter what!! I can say he will probably grow out of it.. If you can just find one thing he loves and use it to take away if he refuses to listen.. At this age his little brain is just trying to take in tge objects around him, and just learning what he can and cannot get away with.. Just hold in Mama things will get better.. Any thing you can think of the burn off that energy will help too..

TheRockinFunFarm


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## kccjer (Jan 27, 2012)

Yeah, that was the age I was told to "Reason" with my son! HAHAHAHA Reason with a 2 yr old??? sure, no problem. I felt like I was going to be turned in for abuse because of how often I "beat" that kid. He would look at something and the wheels would start turning....how much trouble am I going to get in and will it be worth it? He, at the ripe age of 27, is finally growing out of a lot of those tendencies. He was also one that you could catch him with his hand IN the cookie jar HOLDING a cookie and he'd look you straight in the eye and tell you No, I'm not getting a cookie! It was awful. The only thing that worked for me was PUNISHMENT. Instant and severe....no counting. Make it so that he really has to decide if it's worth it or not. I feel your pain tho. :hug:


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## Mikesell04 (Jan 26, 2014)

kccjer said:


> Yeah, that was the age I was told to "Reason" with my son! HAHAHAHA Reason with a 2 yr old??? sure, no problem. I felt like I was going to be turned in for abuse because of how often I "beat" that kid. He would look at something and the wheels would start turning....how much trouble am I going to get in and will it be worth it? He, at the ripe age of 27, is finally growing out of a lot of those tendencies. He was also one that you could catch him with his hand IN the cookie jar HOLDING a cookie and he'd look you straight in the eye and tell you No, I'm not getting a cookie! It was awful. The only thing that worked for me was PUNISHMENT. Instant and severe....no counting. Make it so that he really has to decide if it's worth it or not. I feel your pain tho. :hug:


Lol reading this made me think of my dad!! He was straight to the the point about punishment as well!! But I'll admit we wouldn't dare not listen, or talk back, or disrespect him in any way!! And we always new he loved us!!
Nowadays the world frowns apon the "spanking" "beating" and the "knocking you into next week" type of punishment.. Lol it makes it harder on the parents IMO.. And I do believe it is a big part of what is wrong with the world 
I will be the first to admit, it is very hard for me to "beat" my kids like that as well  but I think mostly it is because the world says it's so wrong.. And I feel horrible after.. Now I know what my dad meant when he said "this is gonna hurt me more than it does you" he was so right!!!

TheRockinFunFarm


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## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

Have you considered mild autism? I work with a little boy like that. Spankings and time out DO NOT work. We're thinking either a very mild autism or drug damage (he's adopted, birth mother was on drugs during pregnancy - sad).


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## kramsay (Mar 7, 2013)

I really think he enjoys testing us and getting into things he shouldn't. When you tell him no he will smile and just look at you. Some times he will get down/stop when you are on your way to spank him but rarely. I try to have him outside 2-3 hours a day the more the better but no less then two. We have a big yard so he runs and plays like crazy. I take him on walks on days I can, but some days he just refuses to walk or at least walk where he is supposed to. 
I used to watch those Nanny 911 shows, those kids where crazy! 
He is so so smart, almost too smart. He can undo all of the "child proof" locks, which just makes my life so much harder. The house is "open" so I can't put up baby gates anywhere. 

Doctors tried to put my brother on meds when he was 3 because he acted like this, my mom wouldn't let them. And I won't let them put him on meds either, maybe if it starts to effect his ability to learn in school but for now and the next several years I refuse to put him on meds. I understand some kids need them, but I don't feel he is one of them, this may change as he gets older though. His doctor is amazing, and agrees with me in the fact that he doesn't need medicated, she is also a country girl. Milk Maid I will pray for him and his family, drug damage is such a horrible thing he is very lucky to have gotten adopted into a loving family. I have been blessed to know several children with autism they are always so sweet. 

I feel like I am constantly spanking him, I have never left a mark on him sometimes I am so mad I know if I spank him I will do it too hard so he goes to time out. Some people would probably say I abuse him, but their kids probably need to be spanked. I agree with you Mikesell04 it is a major part of what is wrong with this world. 

It was a nice day so he got to spend most of the day outside, but as soon as he came in the house, he went crazy. He finally went to sleep at 9:45 tonight, I am enjoying a couple hours of down time before I head to bed. Thank you every one for your replies, it is good to hear others have dealt with this too.


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## happybleats (Sep 12, 2010)

LOL..got to love the twos!! Sounds like you are doing a lot of things right, keeping him busy, consequences...consider also, Diet has a lot to do with children's behavior...I have read a lot on this in hopes to help my kiddos..we adopted five kids who were all exposed to drugs and alcohol. My book is in the car lol..but its on how the gut and brain are related...My 10 year old has autism..low spectrum...( high functioning) but also has very low IQ...her bio brother is short of being a genius..and a handful!! I have both on an ess oil blend called "calming spirit"..Helps a ton...we watch the diet..and note when he acts up, so we know what foods trigger it...Sugar, red dye,for some gluten....Ill get the name of that book tomorrow....


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## Darlaj (Dec 10, 2013)

Oh boy can I relate! We used to say my son just couldn't sleep with out having a spankin  
It is so hard for mamas sometimes, I hope u are able to get away for some me time!
The only parenting book I ever read that actually helped was " to train up a child" do not remember who wrote it but it was written by an Amish couple and it was fab! My pediatrician recommended it .... They switch they're children... Because it stings like the dickens and spanking with a bare hand can cause damage to spine and such... Esp if spanking thru diaper .. Beyond that it gives such great insight . What stuck with me the most was children need a switch when they have misbehaved because it absolves them of there guilt ... Aka they paid for there crime this is not a beating but a quick flick of the wrist. It was a shocking change with my son!!!


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## kccjer (Jan 27, 2012)

It is just really hard when you experience this. At least you know you're not alone! I hate when parents medicate their children just to make it easier on themselves. I knew someone who wanted to get her 2 yr old son diagnosed with ADHD...yes, he DID have attention deficit....he never got any! Sounds like you are doing everything you can. They do eventually, while not grow out of it, learn to control it. In the meantime you will be a very frustrated and tired mommy. 2 and 3 were horrible ages for my son...they simply cannot reason thru things like we want them to. It WILL get better...I just can't promise how soon


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## Used2bmimi (Oct 3, 2012)

Darlaj said:


> Oh boy can I relate! We used to say my son just couldn't sleep with out having a spankin
> It is so hard for mamas sometimes, I hope u are able to get away for some me time!
> The only parenting book I ever read that actually helped was " to train up a child" do not remember who wrote it but it was written by an Amish couple and it was fab! My pediatrician recommended it .... They switch they're children... Because it stings like the dickens and spanking with a bare hand can cause damage to spine and such... Esp if spanking thru diaper .. Beyond that it gives such great insight . What stuck with me the most was children need a switch when they have misbehaved because it absolves them of there guilt ... Aka they paid for there crime this is not a beating but a quick flick of the wrist. It was a shocking change with my son!!!


That book is by Michael and Debi Pearl. There is another one too called No Greater Joy by the same authors. There is a lot of great advice in these books, not just about using a switch which is a small part of the process. They are more about ways to ensure that only good behavior results in pleasant rewards and making bad behavior difficult and or uncomfortable. Some of their solutions to problem behavior will make you chuckle. They were given to me by dear friends and my copies are well frayed. Both of my children benefitted from the time I spent reading these. They are well worth the time spent finding them.

My son was so bad at that age I would sit and cry and wonder if I was raising a future psychopath (silly first time mama that I was.....sigh). He is now a wonderful 13 year old young man. They do grow out of it if you are persistent and constantly aware of how you are rewarding and reinforcing behaviors. Sounds like you are doing fine!


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## Darlaj (Dec 10, 2013)

Yeah I was trying to get the point across that it's not all switching but failed So many things In those books just make ya sit back and think holy cow that makes so much sense! My handsome boy is 13 now and is wonderful ( mostly) but did that child ever make me wanna tear my own hair out!


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## crzybowhntr (Oct 18, 2013)

My advice is to get him outside and let him play. When weather permits. Parks, fishing, walk in the woods and let him beat on trees and throw rocks, find a large meadow and let him ride a scooter, etc.. 

Bad weather days - have fun as I have no suggestions because I take my kids to the barn or garage for a while to ride bikes and lose my tools :-?


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## Jessica84 (Oct 27, 2011)

Oh you have the clone of my son....congrats  I don't think anything really worked on him and when ever I found something that would he would get over it and not bother him any more. I remember when he would go to do something bad I would yell no and scare him and that worked a few times. I smacked his hand and IMO time out at that age is a joke. I think he is testing you and I'm not being mean at all when I ask this question but is he getting enough one on one time with you??? I noticed with my son he would do better if we did things together.....color play out side and basically gave him my total attention. Another thing he may simply be bored and bored with the things going on around him. Maybe look into day care for just a few hours a day or not even every day just a few.days a week. And trust me that will help on you part too lol. But to be honest I think this is simply little boys at this age


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