# Sticky  2/8/09 Dealing with Loss



## StaceyRosado (Oct 5, 2007)

Topic suggestion by Liz - thank you liz

_Most of us have had to deal with the loss of a pet, and many of us have dealt with the loss of a dear goat friend. It is a sad thing to go through but those willing to share how they coped may help someone who is having difficulties._


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## Epona142 (May 26, 2008)

I came here. And cried. Lots. It's good for you. 

Having people who understand is a huge help. It's sometimes hard to admit you lost a pet or goat, especially when it was an accident that you feel you could have prevented, but most people understand and are not judgmental. You really need that reassurance. 

Also, keep going with your plans. Don't give up on a goal because of it. Were you going to get some new goats? Don't stop, go ahead and bring home the new ones.

:grouphug:


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## Sonrise Farm (Sep 18, 2008)

I can relate to that. 
I felt really, really devasted and sad when Saca lost her bucklings, but it sort of woke me up as well. *or reminded me* everything ends, sometimes prematurely, but it does. I had been looking forward to my Nigie babies, but I had taken for granted they would be there and forgotten the fragility of life. 
I cannot explain exactly what that meant to me, but although it was a sad and I don't want it to happen again experience, it was a good reminder. 

Take it as it comes, shoulder it, cry about it, then go on. 

*goes away tearfully*


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## Victoria (Dec 20, 2008)

Well, I lost two of the very best goats ever. Lion King was the most wonderful buck a breeder could ask for. Guinevere she was so so special to me. I felt like I failed both of them, this feeling was and still is so overpowering to me. They were relying on me to help them and there was nothing at all that I could do. 
So how did I deal with the loss? I realized how personal grief is, how devistating and powerful. I owned my sadness but also I own my precious precious memories of my friends. 
I also believe that animals come into my life for a reason, to teach me. Wether it be kindness, or patience, or how to grieve. My two beloved goats tought me all of this, and what a blessing to know these things. Animals have such capacity to live in the moment, it is beautiful.


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## rgbdab (Nov 26, 2007)

Two years ago we had unusally wet, warm weather and the worms got ahead of me (and many others in this area). I had a young, beautiful doe named Roxie and she had a buckling kid Frodo. One day I noticed Roxie had the runs real bad, so I gave her some pepto and electolytes. By the next dayshe was very weak and I took her to the vet. That's when I found out about the worm problem, she was extremely anemic and the vet said she wouldn't make it. I went back home and got another goat and went back and had them give her a transfusion and of course wormed her good. It perked her up a bit, but within a few days she was back down. Took her back to the vet and was told nothing would help her, she was so anemic again that she had to be put down. AS if that wasn't bad enough, she left little Frodo behind, he was 1 month old. I never could get him to take a bottle, and had to feed him with a syringe. He was small and delicate, but I had promised Roxie before she was put down I would take good care of her baby and I even took him to work. He lived for only 3 weeks after his momma and I already felt guilty for letting Roxie get so sick and now I had also let her baby die. I was in deep mourning and I took Frodo's little collar off him before I buried him and put it on my ankle like a braclet and wore it all the time. Finally after about 5 months I was able to remove it and let him go. I will never forget him.


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## nancy d (Oct 5, 2007)

It so true how we deal with grief and theres no one size fits all. Or time frame. Rgbdab your wearing Frodo's collar on your ankle really touched me. 

I had to put one of my first girls down 4 days after she kidded. She woulndt get up to feed her kids by day two she hadnt touched her water and I had to drag her to her feet by her cold horns so the kids could nurse. 
That was my first time kidding. I dont honestly know what could have been done differently; necropsy showed mummified kid way up in the horn; vet couldnt feel it on day one. 
I didnt cry much cause I was busy bottle feeding her kids and taking care of everyone else. 
What really broke my heart was that her two sisters took turns walking up & down the outside of the barn, looking up at it at it and calling for her.


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## Bona Fide (Oct 9, 2007)

Loss is never easy, no matter who it is. The problem is coping as we know all cope differently. I hash the situation out until it's beat into the ground - I go over a million times what I did wrong and how I could have done differently (as you see with my losing the baby post) and I start questioning my capabilities as a breeder...I find it reflects on my competencies as a livestock handler...

THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO DO IT...it only makes it harder on yourself. As anyone with goats knows - sometimes things just...happen.

I've found good friends make it easier - no matter how many times you're told - a reassuring word always helps.

I just have the biggest issues with knowing I had someone/somethings life in my hands and let it slip - for whatever reason. But it's always well I could have done this or should have changed that - if you can take what happened and learn by it - something was gained - and as awful as it sounds, you move on for the rest of your herd - to improve in nothing else other than to keep the same situation from coming about again.


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## goatshows (Oct 5, 2007)

I have recently lost a 7 month old doe suddnly. She was healthy and eating and drinking fine the night berore she died. When my friends went to do morning chores they found her dead with no signs of sickness or attack. I cried alot and just kept thinking what did I do wrong. I found that talking to people helped alot and trying to figure out what could have killed her helped me out alot. 

Bringing in a new animal into your herd also helps. I recently (since that doe died) brought in a new doe. Who is very wild and will need a lot of work to calm her down. Finding something else to keep your mind on always helps. Kepping your self busy and dont let it sneak up on you.


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## liz (Oct 5, 2007)

Any loss, wether it be a goatie or a different pet is very hard to handle.

When those losses come too frequently it is the caring responses of those "close" by that make the healing seem to be faster.

My first loss came with a dropped off pup, Daisy Mae just stole our hearts and quickly fit in here wth my old cocker and my 3 cats. We had her for just a short time but in those 4 months she was such a part of us that it felt as if she'd always been with us. She had a habit of running along the top of the yard when the occassional truck would go up the road and then one day, the week before Thanksgiving 5 years ago, she didn't stop as usual at the bottom of the driveway and the Township truck got her. Her death came a month after we got the news that my dad had 6 months left here on earth with us. Daisy Mae was the first to have grave up on the "hill".

My dad passed on in April of 05......but he had chance to meet our "replacement" pup, Brandy Lee...a beauty of a black and white border collie that was such a character and just seemed to fill the void left by Daisy Mae's death. In December of 05, we lost Jake, our 12 year old "original" farm cat from the farm I grew up on....his was the second grave, next to Daisy Mae.
In September of 06, my Petey, protector of goatie buddies and my guardian, ended the life he had with us.....8 years after we took him in as he was wandering with a chain imbedded in his neck....vet said that Pete was an old dog and that we gave him the best life he ever knew, Petey was laid next to Jake.
In May of 07, I lost my beloved Dolly. She had such a hard labor and her babies were pulled dead....had I known then what I know now, I might still have my precious pygmy doe...and maybe even the doelings too. She was the first dear goatie I lost....I left work the morning after to be with her, she laid her head in my lap, too weak to even breathe, looked at me with those beautiful baby doll eyes and left me.
2 weeks after we laid Dolly to rest next to Petey we were digging another hole, my Brandy Lee met the same fate as Daisy Mae....ran out of yard to run along and got hit running after the school bus, I was numb....just minutes before she was at the gate as she always was waiting for me to finish milking. As we were digging Brady's grave, I saw smoke coming from the neighbor's barn....my hubby was on the quad and up the road to get the farmers mom...I buried Brandy and was back down the hill as the fire department arrived. Thankfully it was minimal damage to the silo and the fire was extinguished. 

Angel came to me 23 days after my Dolly left me, I was the first to lay hands on her and I feel so Blessed to have had the chance to love all those that I lost in such a short time......we had to dig 5 holes within 3 years and each one of those lost has left such happy memories of them and yet it still hurts to "talk" about them. 

Having the kind and sympathetic words of others helps with the heartache of losing a special pet, remembering them in specialways helps too, I can see the patches of Daisies that I planted on each of those spots on the hill....and Petey's box is still where it was in the beginning, Dolly's collar is hanging on the steer horns above my living room doorway , Daisy Maes as well as Petey's and Brandy Lee's collars are tied with ribbon and hanging on the wall.....a tuft of my Jake's fluffy black and white fur is in a pretty vase in my china cabinet.....all special keepsakes that will always remind me of how special each of these pets were.


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## farmergal (Jun 19, 2009)

This thread has me in tears! I think one of the hardest things is that those of us who choose to bring animals into our lives, do so for a reason... and I think it's because we have so much love to give the world (in other words, we're huge softies). Which makes it hurt more.

When we lose an animal, I think that we have to tell ourselves that it is good that it hurts -- because it means that we loved our animals, and that because they were loved they had a better life than the majority of animals out there. And even if we made a mistake, we did our best -- and that the fact that we will learn from our mistake is the animal's parting gift. I also think that telling the story to others helps heal, and bringing new animals in your life (as someone else suggested) helps divert your attention a little, and remind you that loving animals doesn't just bring pain -- it brings joy too. Do something to honor the animal's death, whether it's keeping something that belonged to the animal (the collar story touched me too!), or making a little memorial of some kind.

With that, I hope it's okay if I steal a bit of thread space to tell my story and how I dealt with one of my losses. I have not yet lost a goat, but I have lost chickens and dogs. You might think that losing a chicken isn't a big deal, but my Barred Rock Tux had the soul of a golden retriever! She would wait on the doorstep for me to come out of the house, fly on to my shoulder, and she even taught my Australian Shepherd not to mess with the poultry by pecking her on the nose if she got too near. She was the chicken "welcome committee" for any visitors to our farm.

Early this past summer I made the very difficult decision to fly back east for my fiancee's cousin's wedding, and left my chickens in the care of a friend/neighbor. I told them several times (both in person and in a written list) to check under the porch each night as two of my chickens, Tux and a wyandotte, had been trying to go broody down there.

I was gone four days. When I got back at midnight, I immediately went to the coop to check on the girls. (I didn't yet have my goats, so chickens were the priority.) I immediately noticed Tux was missing. My fiancee and I spent the next three hours looking for her, in the dark with a flashlight. I was crying... eventually I suggested that we look across the road, in the vineyard there. He found her carcass, or what was left of it. She had been killed by a raccoon. We were both sobbing when we buried her at 3:30am... I saved some of her feathers to remind me of her, and I apologized to her over and over again.

This was my deepest, darkest fear when leaving the farm, since she was my one chicken who wasn't just a hen... she was a _pet_. I was furious at myself, although it was the people I'd left in charge who'd messed up... They somehow managed to not collect about 30 eggs underneath the porch, and to leave Tux there overnight. (And there's not that much space under the porch -- we boarded it up so the chickens could only go about two feet in to lay their eggs there.)

In the morning, I was able to trace her awful path across the road. She fought the raccoon, and there were several bunches of her feathers between the porch and her final resting place. Interestingly enough, wherever I found her feathers, I found polka-dotted guinea feathers too -- and my guinea hen looked really scraggly. So my lone comfort is that even though I wasn't there for Tux in her final hour, my guinea hen (who is otherwise a pain in the butt!) was there fighting the raccoon for her. And my guinea hen is mean, so that raccoon didn't get away unscathed!

Finally, I have named a goat in Tux's honor. I can't bring myself to call the goat "Tux," but I call her "Tuxedo." She's a black Nigi with a white poll, and is a total lap goat... so she has the personality of my Tux too  (I didn't intend to bring her home when I went to the breeder, but I couldn't resist... and my fiancee even forgave me because he understood, even though he made me promise that I wouldn't bring any extra goats home!)

So I guess my final advice is... if you lose a chicken, get a goat... if you lose a goat, get a... horse? Just kidding. It's also important to try and laugh through your tears sometimes, too.


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## 3pygmymom (Nov 17, 2009)

I had to get the tissues to read this post, how much you all love your animals! They are all part of the family and my kids learned about life on the farm with the loss of twin black faced lambs. One was born with no muscle control, very floppy head, weak sounds, the other could hold her head up but neither could get up. We pinned mom and gave the babies milk with a syringe and my youngest daughter held the sickest and said you wont die alone, I'm going to hold you til you go to heaven. It broke my heart to see her crying and holding this little thing. She stayed in the barn with me until 4 am and I didnt think the lambs would make it the night. The weakest she named Lilly lived four days and she was heartbroken. The other we named Bella and we taught her to walk. First we used a towel as a sling and held her enough to get weight on her legs and learn to balance. After a month we could stand her up and she would run around the yard with our dog, but if she fell she couldnt get up again on her own. At first she slept in a box with blankets on our sunporch and I would bottle feed her every 4 hours. But at a month old we put her in her own little barn with hay and bottle fed her and she was growing and doing well. The vet was coming to run some tests but the day before she was to come, we went out to feed Bella and my daughter went running in and Bella had died. Oh the tears and heartache from working so hard. It was devestating to everyone even my husband cried. I know we will have more of these times and it never is easy.


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## DanaG (Jan 5, 2010)

This thread is wonderful. I am sitting her crying my eyes out. I am on day 8 with my baby Deni with listeria and I still cant get him to stand...I dont know what else to do..
My bestfriends bulldog Daisy had a stroke this afternoon and we rushed her to the vet and just heard that she has possibly had another stroke. Will probably have to put her down if she doesnt improve a lot; shes 9.
Thanks for everyone sharing their stories. I am new to goats and this forum. :kidblue:


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## farmgirl1 (Mar 14, 2010)

When my goat, Pisces passed away I cried for a while but after a while I decided it was not something me, or my mom could have prevented (We think that when he was playing around with the other bucks, he got hit really hard and it damaged his brain). I am still sad about it but now I just think that he is in a better place and now he doesn't have to deal with the pain and he can't get hurt anymore. RIP Pisces


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## cyanne (Jan 7, 2009)

OMG, there are not enough tissues in my house to deal with this thread!

For my own experience, we have yet to lose any of our goats other than two stillborn babies this Spring, but we have had plenty of losses amongst our other animal family members.

We planted 3 new apple trees this weekend and under each one is one of our special chickens who transcended the category of "just a chicken" and became a special pet.

Under the first one is a little mixed breed hen that hatched out with a deformed beak (crossbeak). As a chick she was able to eat, but as she grew and her beak became more deformed she needed more and more help to eat and was always very skinny because she had so much trouble. I hand fed her almost every day so she was very sweet and tame. I found her laying in the chicken run one day during the winter. 

Under the second tree is our beautiful black easter egger hen, Jellybean. She had the most gorgeous black feathers that glowed purple and green in the sun. Unfortunately, she liked to sneak into the goat pen to lay eggs in their hay feeder and one day my stupid LGD (who kills any birds that get into the goat pen) got hold of her. I went out to do chores that night and found her by the hay feeder, missing most of the skin on her back. She was still alive and I thought I should put her out of her misery, but I just could not bring myself to do it...she had already been hurt so bad and I couldn't make myself hurt her anymore so I went out and bought a whole bunch of first aid stuff for burns and whatnot and did my best to save her or at least make her comfortable. She lived for another day before dying. I still feel awful for not having the strength to stop her suffering sooner.

Under the last tree is the hardest loss we have suffered lately, my sweet little Belgian D'Uccle hen, Duckle. She was such a silly little thing with her feathered feet and her sweet, sweet personality. She loved to be held and cuddled and you could walk right up to her any time and pick her up and she'd just let you. I had her for over 2 yrs and it is just not possible to describe how much we loved that little chicken...she was another of my LGD's feathered victims and I found her in a pile of her soft blue feathers in the goat pen. I cried like a baby for days and came within an inch of having the LGD put down because I was so mad at him. In the end it came down to him being too important as a goat protector and knowing that some dogs just are not good with chickens, but if I ever do find an LGD that is poultry safe he will definitely be packing his bags for a farm that does not own birds.

Whenever we lose any animal that we are particularly attached to, we always wonder if it is worth all the pain to have the animals and get attached to them only to lose them in the end. But then, I wouldn't want to trade the happy memories we have had with our special friends for anything in the world, even if it had to end in a way that was sad.


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## nigerianmeadows (Dec 12, 2010)

I'm bawling, reading all this. We just lost our first baby goat, still-born, but I still took it kind of hard, sort of in secret I guess. I kept it wrapped in a blanket and cool and waited a day and a half to bury it. I guess I kept hoping I would go out and find it breathing. I finally was able to bury it after the sister to that ones mother had a little girl with no trouble, but it still hurts. It helps to know (it was a bad birth for a FF) that it wasn't really what I did or anyones fault, but I can't help thinking I could have saved it. Guess I like to give myself too much credit, huh? I knew it would happen eventually, the odds and death eventually get you, but knowing isn't feeling. Sooo... I guess I'll cry on here and keep a smile on until it doesn't hurt so bad.


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## StaceyRosado (Oct 5, 2007)

Awe :hug: 

I don't think you are giving yourself to much credit but trying to give blame for the loss of what we consider inocent life. But try not to blame yourself its hard but first grieve and then do your best to let go. :hugs:


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## nigerianmeadows (Dec 12, 2010)

Thanks Stacy. :hug:


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## 4kids (Jul 21, 2009)

It is so hard to lose a goat- I lost three my first kidding year. It was so hard for me too. I think it is important to let yourself grieve and know that we can only do so much.


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## Mon Reve Farm (Jun 25, 2010)

I think it's been said in a few different ways but I think it's important to remember YOU ARE ALLOWED TO GRIEVE.

Whether it is self imposed or others make us feel this way varies but you are allowed to grieve. I had someone make a comment to me that they didn't understand why I was so upset when we lost Martini last year. This was someone from work and I knew they had dogs so I asked them how they would feel if the lost the one they had had the longest. They said they would be upset but it's their dog "not just a goat". It took a second for me not to respond in anger... so I said "to me it's the same type of loss". Everyone grieves differently but remember you need to let yourself so that you can gain some type of closure.

In addition I think this forum :grouphug: and other groups many of us are a part of helps. Fellow goat lovers that understand the feelings of loss, frustration, anger, self blame, etc. Having that type of "community" helps anyone deal with loss.

Just my two cents...

(and yes I was crying as I read the other posts too)


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Everyone has said it all.... :grouphug: I am so sorry ...for your loss...  but please don't blame yourself.....things happen.... beyond our control sometimes...and there is nothing we could of done to change it..... It is OK to grieve.... we are here for you.... :hug:


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## catchmeaway (Jan 23, 2011)

This has been a very interesting topic. I recently lost a Pygmy buck. He was pretty wild when we got him but he tamed over time. When he got sick, unfortunately, I was very new to raising goats, (still am) and probably could have done more for him. We tried all that we knew to do. We do not have a vet to call. I now know there were other things we could have done but I don't blame myself. We did the best we could. His name was Moonshine but we called him Bucky.
We now have another pygmy buck, he is sure a character.

I lost a German shephard dog. He was so sweet. I was away on vacation and could not say good bye or comfort him He died at the vets office. I still miss him and it has been years.
Thanks for the venue to share.
:kidblack:


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## mrs. lam (Apr 20, 2010)

Clover was my first goat. She wasn't with us long but she started my love of goats. If I had known more about goats I think she would have made it but I trusted her "breeder" and believed everything she told me. I didn't know any goat vets around but found a vet n Heflin willing to see her. He had seen goats before but not often. He tried but it wasn't meant to be. When I could stop crying, I decide she would not be my last. (Thank you Clover)
I found a real breeder who loved his animals more than the money he made from babies. I talked to him for 2 weeks while my baby was getting ready to come home. She got to be with her mom and got everything Clover didn't get. Mischief is about to have her 3rd set of whatever's anytime now.
Because of Clover I have 7 goats and 2 sheep. I will always be grateful to her and the love she showed us in her short little life. God Bless you and keep you. Always missed. Never forgotten. RIP Clover, Casanova, George the cat and Dobie the sheep.

Gina, Romeo, Murray, Hershey, Ben, Valentine, Clementine, Fancy and 2 sheep Moose the wonder sheep and buddy, Baa Baa. You live on in each of them.


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## Coraxfeather (Oct 9, 2008)

I am still haven a little bit letting go my Cathern. She was so special to me. She was so much of a little fighter. I have lost goats before but for some reason Cathern has hit me hard. I did not give my friend a choice Cathern was mine. I clamed her. The little girl slept with me followed me around. I wipped her butt when she had very bad diaria. She touched a lot of people in the petting zoo. She loved to give kisses and people held her she was shuck a happy little goat. I keep reading the rainbow bridge poem and hope it is true. That one day I will have my babies again. My little Cathern exspecialy. I am still trying to coup with her lost and also my little bently.


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## Tolers Boers (Jul 4, 2011)

well i tell you when my cat precious died all i could do was tell myself i did everything right, i loved her whole heartedly and for the 7 years we had it was stuffed with a lifetime of love. that's how i coped.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

:hug: :thumb:


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## Coraxfeather (Oct 9, 2008)

I just went up to the little graves in a pretty little valley we have up on your hill pasture for our horses. It is set aside for the babies that we loose through out the years on this farm. It is a very beautiful place I still go and talk with the little ones I have lost. Cathern is up there with even a tomb stone now I painted her. I still miss her a lot. I always talk to her and tell her to watch over the new little ones that are with her now. That has been helping me every time I loose a little one.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

:hug:


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## freedomstarfarm (Mar 25, 2011)

:hug:


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## jaymerose (Oct 5, 2007)

I always have a really hard time with the loss of an animal. When my dog CJ died I couldn't get through the grieving process. I felt I had let him down and somehow wanted him to know that I would never forget him. The only way I able to move on was I got a tattoo of a heart with wings with CJ in the middle of it. Once I did that I was able to move on.

I just had to put my cat to sleep two weeks ago tomorrow and I am still having a really hard time with that. I will now be getting another heart tattoo with a rose going through it with his name Demon. He was a mean little brat but I loved him so much. I miss him everyday and still want to call for him when I call for my other cat to come in the house.

I know the tattoo thing is not for everyone but for me it is my way of healing and letting them know they will forever be with me.


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## VincekFarm (Jun 27, 2011)

Always I've had a tough time losing animals. Recently; actually not that recent, 2 months and 15 days ago I lost a very special doe. She was my first ever registered ND doe. She was gorgeous, blue eyes & a broken buckskin. She had a rather lopsided udder so she wasn't show worthy. Her udder had gottne lopsided from her First Fresning with a huge single buckling that I guess only nursed on one side most of the time. 
But boy did she produce beautiful kids, she second freshened with twin doelings, I regret selling the one that looked EXACTLY like her but with brown eyes; i was like "Eh, I already have this color doe but blue eyed.. why keep another." So I sold the doeling. 

Well to get to the point(not really) Faye was just so very special to me, the first night we got her she was in our yard tied up, i let her loose because she would bawl every time I walked away and she just followed me around the yard, sticking to me like glue. If I went inside she would bawl outside and wait. I reluctantly let her in. :doh: I went to my bedroom and she jumped on my bed and lied down. Well anyways to skip further ahead in my story I would go down to the barn, where all my goats live; its like a run-in shed with a pen surrounding it. She would fly over the fence.. and she would only do this when I came down to barn and she would follow me everywhere as I did my chores. 
This spring she gave birth to twin does; as you already know. I wasn't there for the birth but I arrived just after they were born and not even fluffed out yet. The doeling that looked like her was named Phaedra (Faye- Dra) after her mother. And the brown & white doeling that I retained was named Sisyphus, Sissy for short. They were born on March 25, Faye passed exactly 6 months later. But it was still very cold out and we don't have a goat barn so we brought the momma and her babies into our basement. By the time we got them settled in it was dark. It was below 30 degrees Farenheit that night outside. At about 10pm I went down to sit with them. The tired Faye was lying down and resting in the straw and the doelings were trying out their new legs. I sat down, which turned into lying down next to Faye and resting my head on her, the babies came and cuddled next to me. They were my first ever registered babies born, I loved them!! They were luckily born on a Friday so I had all weekend to spend with them before I had to go to school on Mon. 

Anyways to skip to the sad and depressing part of the story it was our local fair week. Phaedra had been sold months before and I had Sissy. She placed so well, winning Champ. Junior Animal; so of course my pride went back to Faye. On Friday Faye was acting abnormal, she just stood in the pen,emotionless and still. She lied down often and rarely frolicked with the other does. She was also dropping weight drastically and refused to eat. I didn't really think too much of it since it was really hot out, in the 90's. On Saturday she was no better. I put her in her private stall and took her temp. It was 106.5. I brought her up to my house and syringed her water, basically forcing it down her throat, not wanting her to get dehydrated. She was very weak and could hardly walk by now. I sat in the front yard with her for hours, her head resting on my lap. Well the next morning she was no better, I was supposed to show that morning but stayed home to take care of her. Well I had brought Sissy home from the show by now and let them see one another. Faye was emotionless as she saw her, and Sissy stayed her distance at first, I guess a bit surprised. But then she went over and stood beside her.Faye did nothing, but stood like a zombie. I gave her gatorade, but she drooled it out. This was the weekend and the vet wasn't available so I had to wait until tom, Monday. She was found dead the next morning.

Thinking about her makes me depressed and and upset. I just feel like I could have brought her to the vet at the first sign of illness or just done something else.Sure I had her for only two years, but now I value those two years and would give anything to re-live them. I feel like a failed her...


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## tradershez (Oct 27, 2009)

Wow! This is such a good topic. Talking about losing a animal is so difficult. I have found this forum to be so good in that regard. I haven't met more wonderful people who can truly understand the loss of a goat. 

We have lost 3 goats. 
The most difficult loss was earlier this year when we lost Eddie. We still do not know 100% why he died and I still go over in my head what we could have done differently. The day before he died, he was not able to lie down and was standing, shifting from side to side, walking around in circles. He was untethered and we were up in the house homeschooling. Eddie, in his bad state, walked up 50m to our house and butted his head at our front door to be let in to be with us. I let all the house rules go down the toilet and brought him inside and held him in our arms (he was about 5 months old). He hadn't been able to sleep for days and I was able to hold in a position where his head was upright...he slept in my arms for about 1.5 hours. I will never forget.

It took me months to be able to look at photos of him without completely bawling my eyes out. It still breaks my heart and I just do not know how to get over him. I still haven't worked that out yet. I am hoping that with time things get easier. I feel that a part of me died the day Eddie died. I just don't know how to get it back.

The most recent goat we lost was Lucy's twins sister. Rejected by their mother we raised them, but only after 3 days. Lucy survived, Ella didn't. 

I just wish with animals that there was more than the vets could do. I want them to be able to do *everything*. I always feel let down by them (where we live...only volunteer vet clinic...no real empathy from vets...student vets). 
The vets here do not understand.

We live in a beautiful tropical island and so when Ella was struggling b4 she died...we found on a family walk, the most beautiful place on the island, with a wonderful view of the crystal clear lagoon. I declared that day that if Ella died she would be buried here, no matter what. So the day she died we went straight away to the spot, from the vets, with shovel and little Ella was given the best place in the world as her resting place. 

:grouphug:


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## Tammy Tarrant (Dec 20, 2011)

Well being new here I thought I might put in our story.. We got a group of 9 does with 2 kids at foot.. they were riddled with worms and near starving. We brought them home and gave them a good feed, worming treatment and some love... I noticed one of the kids was not doing very well and went out and got hydrating liquid and anything else I could to help him along, for 2 days he seemed to be getting better.. my son and I went the next morning and he had passed away, we were totally shattered. It was incredibly hard to bury this little baby his name was lightning.. he is buried by a big beautiful gum tree and it has a purple lightning bolt painted on it now. But from then on I worried every morning that I went to check the goats.. everytime we have new babies I dread the first morning check ... I have many times wondered if I am really doing what I want to here because i do not deal well with death at any time but bubba deaths just tear me apart. Since then I have lost one other little boy he was only 5 days old and I just dont know why he passed and I have had 2 does slip kids, both were pregnant very young and slipped them after they arrived on the property I think the travelling here was too much for them. I could not believe that they were pregnant so young so in many ways it was not such a bad thing, I think they were only 5 months old maybe 6. I like to wait till my girls are at least a year old before they have their first kids... I have lost one of my laying chooks, she got stuck under the laying box and I thought she was just nesting there - I felt so damn guilty... and the most recent has been my disappearing baby chickens lost three to I still dont know but moved the mum and 3 remaining to a more secure pen and they are doing fine... I love my goats and I hate seeing them in pain and I desperately hate losing any of the babies but it is part of farm life but it is a part I will never get used to. This is definitely a tissue thread ..


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

:hug:


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## JackMilliken (Jul 29, 2011)

Mon Reve Farm said:


> This was someone from work and I knew they had dogs so I asked them how they would feel if the lost the one they had had the longest. They said they would be upset but it's their dog "not just a goat".


Just reading what that person said has upset me for days, mostly because that is exactly like my brother.


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## Coraxfeather (Oct 9, 2008)

No matter how many times I have lost a little one it still hurts. Even the ones that where only here for a little bit. Just like the set of twins Marly and Angelis. I had Marly only for less then 24 hours and Angelis for less then 48. Both where doing great when I got them but then they both went fast down hill. I have a few picturews on my phoen of these guys but not many and I can nto still look at them and not cry. I keep telling myself there is going to be a sampeed when I get up to that rainbow bridge place.


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## freedomstarfarm (Mar 25, 2011)

Haven't been around much this last week. Dealing with a loss myself. Penny who we bought bred no exact kidding date looked like she still had a month to go. No udder at all. But I watch as she started to have discharge then a contraction. I thought it must be too early and she was miscarrying. Well the first kid had her legs up over her head so after I got those in the right spot I got her out and right behind her another little doling. They were fully developed and oh so cute. Got them all dried off and checked moms udder. Still no fill. :sigh: I milked her and she did have milk so I got both weak kids to drink from her. I kept checking them for hours and putting them on her to nurse and giving some bottle also to be sure they were getting more than a drop. The buckskin one was better from the start but then they traded spots and the white one was doing better and the buckskin started to go downhill. SHe stopped sucking so I took her inside. Mom was given calcium, white girl kept nursing. Buckskin was tube fed and doing ok. Gave all BoSe. Kept with the calcium for mom but no more fill just the little I was milking out. Weather was warm and white kid stayed with mom since she was bouncing and jumping and looking great and nursing. I kept with the bottle for her just to be sure. Buckskin temp started to drop really low.  It was so low it didn't pick up on the thermometer. Now she was by the wood stove but such a low temp I knew it was bad. Added a heating pad under her and moved her closer to the fire. I got her temp up and fed her again. Well she couldn't regulate it if I left her close she would start to get too hot but as soon as I moved her away she started to chill again. Went to check her sister early 6am she had been fine at 2am but to my horror she had passed away. I tended to the buckskin and kept up with regulating her temp. Oh she had had nutradrench, karo , coffee all the stuff. I had talked to Ashley and she had guided me thru some things. Nothing I did seamed to help. I even gave her a shot of Dex and no change. Went to TSC and came back a hour later and she too had passed. :tears: These were the first kids I have lost and it was really hard. I have to assume that something was wrong with the pregnancy and that is why they failed to thrive and why mom had no udder. 

Then Mon one of my smaller but adult bred does who is lower on the totem pole got slammed really hard in the side. It took my breath away and I was so scarred. She went on like nothing happened and I was hopefully but Tues afternoon she had bloody discharge and then aborted. 1 month aery so no hope for the kid. :tears: 

Hopefully that is my bad for the year and things look up from here. ray:


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## realfarmgirl (Feb 26, 2011)

Just found this post...wish I had seen it earlier!

I have had a rough couple of years with animal loss, and it is hard when you are grieving without any support. 

Two years ago, I lost my beautiful little Nubian Morning Glory. Her mother belonged to a church friend, who was very new to goats, and when she didn't take care of the babies (at all) he called to see if I would take one right away, and he called the former owner to see if they would take the doe and the other two kids. I picked her out, she lived in a little crate in our diningroom for over a week, she would sit on my lap and sleep for hours, she would wobble chase me all over the house! She was healthy and doing great, until the one morning she wasn't. She was gone in less than an hour of my finding her down. I held her for an hour at least. I kept the collar in my pocket, and would hold it up to my face, it smelled sweet like milk and the hand soap I used to clean her face after feeding.

Last year in March, our new barn cat was hit by a car. He was only with us for about 6 months. 

My doeling Psalm Sunday, passed away after a lingering illness in July. She wasn't right from birth, just lethargic, not a good eater, but I had her for 6 month, the last three a roller coster of sick/well, sick/well. That final morning, I stayed with her until she was no longer "aware." I kept her collar on my wrist for weeks. I burried her next to our fence line, where she used to sit in the long grass while I worked in the garden.

Then in August, a boer buckling I traded one of my goats for, died almost a month after I brought him home - a victim of the wet spring, worms, and deceptive deworming directions on the dewormer bottle.

My ferret Kirk, who had been suffering from a pancreatic tumor, finally passed away in mid September. I felt relieved for him though, because he had been ill on and off again for almost year.

All summer and fall, we had an illness creeping through our dairy calves, picking them off one by one. I worked and worked to save them, but nothing seemed to work. 

Then one morning the week of Thanksgiving, I went to let our dogs out, and my dog Heather was stumbling, leaning against the wall for support. She had vomitted and had diarhea during the night. She wobbled out the door and dropped on her side on the lawn. She had been fine the night before. I rushed her to the vet. She had a blood transfusion. Thanksgiving Eve I brought her home, with all her meds. I slept with her on the floor by the stove. Her breathing became labored, and by 5 am Thanksgiving morning, she was gone. It was at least a week before I stopped just breaking into tears. For at least three weeks, I would see her face when I laid down to sleep, and the first image that came to mind when i woke would be her. I carried her collar in my hoodie pocket, held it when I went to bed. The blanket I bought her is still on my bed. 

January this year, more calves became sick. Animals that I managed to save the year before suddenly became ill again and died. (I am hoping that this problem is fixed now...) My jersey cow had calving complications, and died. And one morning, I walked downstairs to find my remaining ferret, Nikki, struggling to breathe. I could tell she was on her way out. A few hours later, she was also gone. I prayed to God, please no more, not now, I can't take any more...

Sorry to go on, but I can't really talk to anyone else, because no one I know really gets it. Quote "Are you really still going on about that dumb dog." "Its just a goat" "its not like they are people" If you care for, live with, raise, or have any compassion for life, shouldn't you care? I raised Heather for Guiding Eyes, so she came to church, school, college, town, everywhere with me. When she was finally my dog, I taught her to do some farm work, she carried lops and fencing supplies in her doggie backpack, and even learned to move cattle. Everywhere I look and go, she should be there. 

She was only 9, I thought she would be around for years to come, and the vet never found out why she's not. 
Nothing is sweeter than a baby goat, nothing is more devastating than watch those little fragile creatures slip away.

Thanks for the space...


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## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

Realfarmgirl, your post is so sad!  The part about Heather brought tears to my eyes. There is something about a dog; they're not like goats - just ONE is enough. There is a reason dog is called "man's best friend."
I had a beautiful black-and-white Irish/English setter for 8 years. My brother had her sister. Then my dog, Molly, developed a cough and it turned out to be lymphoma. We eventually had to have her put down. Missy wasn't the same after Molly died, and just a few days later she had some sort of stroke and had to be put down as well. :tears: I am glad they went together; they were best friends. They are buried side by side.


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## realfarmgirl (Feb 26, 2011)

There is something special about a dog...but you know, one of the reasons I love goats so much is because I see a great similarity in goats and dogs. I always like to think of goats as the perfect combination of a dog, cow, and horse - playful, productive, and petite! If only they could learn to ask to go out to the bathroom...


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## kiddoe (Oct 8, 2012)

I am so glad I stopped to read this thread and the posts in it. I have had a flow of mixed emotions. I am so sad. I am angry with myself for letting her down. I feel afraid for my other goats, that I have not enough knowledge to raise them. But, I realize that I must learn somehow. It still does not make this easy, by any means. 

I let my Lilly down. All she needed was copper. I noticed fur loss about 3 weeks before she died. I thought it was due to the cold, that's when it started. In reality (and I realize now) that's when she started going down. She went down quickly, within 24 hours. One night she had a slight voice change, but greeted me and was ready to eat. Same as the next morning. 
That night she was laying in the corner, too weak to stand. I tried to help her. I contacted my Goat breeder and she was getting some necessary meds to perk her back up until I could get to the vet and get my own meds the next morn. I went to the barn to check her before I left, but she had gone. Only an hour had passed since I found her so sick until the time I came back to check her before I left. It was as if she had waited to see me so she could say goodbye.

Lilly's short little life will not be in vain. I have learned from my negligent mistake. I will miss my vocal Nubian, Lilly.


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## billyg2131 (Dec 16, 2012)

rest in peace little Pepper !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Jodi_berg (Oct 29, 2012)

Oh no what happened to pepper? I'm so sorry


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## billyg2131 (Dec 16, 2012)

im not sure what happened i came home from work and found her dead . she was from a very young dam. was a day and a half old.


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## Jodi_berg (Oct 29, 2012)

Perhaps she wasn't feeding her, so sorry!


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## hearthnsoul (Jul 5, 2009)

This is an amazing thread. I just suffered a very big loss in my herd, my queen bee so to speak. It has been very diffiult, I have my moments when it just hits me again and again. Looking at her loft, or when the one surviving baby she left behind has bad dreams ( he is being raised in the house as he is being bottle fed) even today my husband brought the little guy out with him and he came back in and said one of my does Sansa looked at the baby, then looked back at her moms window (the mom who passed on had a window she would sit in front of and look out from her lift waiting for my husband to get home, she considered him her great love) and he said he could tell that she was connecting what happened last week with the baby and her mom no longer being there. She went and looked and of course the mom was not there. The whole herd is missing her. It isn't just ourselves affected by the loss, but also the other goats. But I get by focusing on the baby and appreciating that we all have had a big blow with her passing. My 11 year old put it perfectly to me when I was so upset after my Appy passed he came up and rubbed my back and said Mom, she had a long happy life, it's the circle of life we all have to move on when it's our time and then he pulled out an iPod and said look at all the great pictures you have to remember her by. Our goats have enriched our lives in ways that keep presenting themselves. I would not change a thing, even the loss i guess, if it meant never having the experience of loving them to begin with.


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## GeorgiaBrownRIP (Oct 14, 2012)

Its never, ever easy to cope. Crying helps, usually even feels good (unless it is at night and you wake up with a headache) and never feel bad about crying over a pet, or anything. Crying shows you loved them, and shows you have a heart.

My first real loss to any pet wasn't actually a goat. It was a dog, who I got as a puppy. He got terribly sick and we still don't know what happened to him. He suffered for a whole week (at the vet), and when the day came to put him out (at the vet), he had no energy left. His normally wide bright eyes were slits from pain. He hadn't gotten up from a complete lie down position in days, and hadn't wagged his tail either. When I got there, he sat up, or tried, for a moment, then lied back down, and wagged his tail. He passed right in front of me. I was only 12 (in 2009). We had him for 3 years. I cried for 4 hours straight. My dad, me, my uncle, and my dads friend buried him. My dad let me stay out of school the next day.

Just a few days later we got his sister, who meant even more to me. After only having her 2 years, she was struck by a car. At least it was instant, but it was devastating. Unlike her brother, she slept inside by my side in my bed every night, not one night went by that she didn't. She also was more loving than her brother. I cried for about 3 hours, because I had been through it before. I was 14. (2011)

Just before that we got goats. Our starters were a Junior Nubian Doe named Georgia and a Mini-Nubian whether named Leroy. Georgia was a lover from the start. She wouldn't LEAVE you alone. She actually hurt us a few times because we ignored her. She calmed down after she kidded though. Leroy couldn't be separated from her or he'd yell. A lot can be said about these two. They were awesome. But then we learned about coccidia, a little too late. Georgia became sick, and (now that I have witnessed it more, to my surprise) she lasted 2 days, before she passed at the vet. Thinking it was something different, the vet didn't do an autopsy. Sadly, it took Leroy as well. Thats when we learned what it was. What made me hurt the most? If I wasn't touching Leroy, he'd scream and seizure. No matter who touched him he'd do it. If I did, he just lied calm, even when we took blood and gave him the shot, he just took a deep breath. This was last year.

I sadly didn't cry as bad with them, I guess because between all that I lost newborn kittens, and a few cats, all that meant a lot. But it still hurt, and I did cry, and still cry some today.

But after GA and Leroy died, I felt like not getting anymore animals. But my White Boy changed that. 

We rescued him as a week old baby. He was a sport from the start. We bottle fed him for a few months. He was wethered and disbudded. He slept in my room at first. He loved the Nubian doe we soon bought (ironically Leroy's sister) even though she beat him up at first. We got him June 30th, 2012. He became my buddy, he followed me everywhere. I trained him, but we couldn't certify him to be, a therapy goat. He met over 100 people in his life, all fell in love with him. He did anything to make me happy. He was my pillow to cry on when I was hurt, mad, frustrated, or sad. And just like with all the others, 2 days ago he passed, from coccidia. He died from a long, hard, painful fight in my arms. Just over exaclt one year after we got him. 

He has shown me you need to live for the future, because with him every day was different, and he always inspired me to make plans for us to be together. He almost made me forget my past pets, because he helped me live in the present, looking forward to the future. I cried longer than any of the others that night. I have cried about 10 - 20 times since then. But I have really cried over the happiness he gave me, and the fact that I was only able to thank him for it all in the end. I can't say much more, sorry.


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## goatfarmer4891 (May 9, 2013)

We lost our one and only Pygmy Saturday night. He had contracted Cocci and had 2 parasites that are extremely difficult to get rid of  We got him as a gift to my little cousin Emma because she is always a great help around our farm. She named him Gizmo after the good gremlin lol. He was spoiled rotten for the short amount of time we had him. He started having diarrhea last Sunday and I dewormed and dewormed, gave him electrolytes, pepto, and Iron 100. There were sleepless nights and early mornings, but he was so worth it. I tracked down a vet who could send off fecal samples from goats on Friday and took the sample in. I thought he was pulling through....I was wrong  Saturday I went out to the barn around 6am and he was laying peacefully in his straw bed....he had passed during the middle of the night  I felt like such a failure. He was the first goat I have lost since starting my herd. I knew that his life depended on me and I couldn't help, but feeling like it was all my fault. The pain was unlike anything I've experienced. It's hard for my fiance to understand the feeling because he saw what all I did for Gizmo and the sleepless night I had, but the only thing I keep thinking is "what else was I missing, what did I do wrong". I couldn't get the look that he had on his face since Sunday...asking me to help him, to relieve his pain and I didn't succeed. I can only pray that he went peacefully and that he knew that I was trying everything. It comforts me beyond belief to see that everyone here knows exactly how I feel at this moment. This is my first year with goats and after this happened a little part of me wanted to give up, throw in the towel, but then I remembered that everything in life is a learning experience and sometimes you have to go through the hard times to become a stronger breeder. I told myself that I will come out of this situation determined to be the best I can be. Unfortunately I just can't save everything  Now I just have to pray that I able to keep the rest of my herd from getting Cocci and I can buy a strong enough dewormer to keep out the parasites.


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## goatsue (May 20, 2017)

We just recently lost our goat "Ruby", and my husband is so distraught about it, and I don't know how to help him. He cries all the time. He blames himself. She got wrapped up in some baling string while in her stall, along with the other 5 goats we have. He is upset because she died in such a inhuman way, (with her twin sister probably watching) he wasn't there to help her. I'm having a hard time helping him cope. I've cried also, but we have to move on. What can I do to help him out?


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