# Anxiety?



## Ember (May 23, 2011)

This happened Friday night and freaked me out.

Sorry this is so long! But thanks if you take the time to read it!

I got home from work at 315pm, met my boyfriends truck at the corner about 311 and called and he said he was at home draining his fish tank so we could move it. So I got home and asked who had his truck and he let his mom borrow it so she could go to the bank, she had to take the day off work because I found a coolant leak on her truck and had she drove it anywhere she would have blown her truck up.

So about 330 he is like where the heck is she?! We live 5min from town so a 15-20min trip would have done the bank and back. 

He tries calling her no answer, he starts flipping out because some kid calls him and was like dude I just saw you drive by going sideways in the road what the hell are you doing.

So that just works him up more because she is beating the crap out of his truck and he had JUST put fuel in it. (We all drive Diesels so fuel isn't exactly cheap!)

He tries calling her 7 more times then found she "accidently" left her cell phone at home. So he is freaking out because she is still gone and she said she was only going to the bank and back. So he is all upset like saying he's gonna call his truck in stolen, punched a wall....(his mom really gets him worked up)

So I told him if he was calmed down enough I would let him take my car and drive into town to see if he could find her. So he relaxed and I gave him my keys. 

I called my mom while he was gone, I was outside scrubbing a cooler out so we could put gravel out of the fish tank in it so we could transfer the fish tank easier. I called my mom to tell her what was going on..(my entire family and everyone I know lives 5hrs away in Michigan, I moved to Indiana to be with my boyfriend). So I was sitting with my girls in their yard and got super sweaty so I got off the phone with my mom and headed into the AC'd house. I sat down on the toilet seat and wiped off the sweat that was just rolling off me in buckets and then started to have a hard time breathing. 

He came home after 10min and said he couldn't find her anywhere in town, town isn't big and is only 3 streets so that means she went somewhere she didn't say she was. So that amps him up to total freak out mode because she hot rods his truck and beats the crap outta it and his tires are already bad and the tranny/motor have a few tweaks we are trying to work out.

So then I feel like my heart is gonna beat outta my chest, I take my pulse and it clocks in at 114bpm. Which freaked me out all I had been doing was sittin on the couch. 

So I'm having issues breathing, my heart is racing, I feel like I'm going to puke, my throat hurts...I tell him I don't feel good and go to lay down, I called my mom in tears because I feel like i'm dying and have no idea what is going on.

So I took a cold shower while he was shoving water down me he figured It was a heat issue or dehydration because it being so hot...

So I laid down in bed after my shower and was talking to my cousin and some friends and they figured I had just had an Anxiety Attack.

I have never ever had an Anxiety Attack before I had no idea what was going on, I thought I was dying. After talking it out with my mom and cousins I we figured it was the stress at work last week and his mom has put me through a TON of crap since I moved down, she has never liked me and just tries to start so much crap between the bf and I. She tells him I hide in the bedroom all day and am anti social but then when I sit in the living room with her she ignores me and talks to the dog..

Anyways....Has anyone dealt with Anxiety issues? How do you handle it? I mean I have like no outlet I feel like I am nagging my boyfriend if I try to talk to him about it and I feel like I am bothering my mom with B!tching. I went to Bath & Body Works Saturday and loaded up on the stress relief body wash, body mist, lotion etc in hopes for help to unwind and am going to go get an hour long massage when I get paid this week. But I am wondering if anyone has any other tips or tricks that might help me?!

Thanks!


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## freedomstarfarm (Mar 25, 2011)

:hug: Gosh that sucks! Hard to live with relatives!! 
I have heard that lavender oil is relaxing. Maybe try rubbing some lavender or lavender oil on your wrists or temples.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Oh my...what an ordeal....  :hug: 

Anxiety Attack's can be pretty scary....I am sorry you where so upset....
That is sad ...his mother... is treating you that way...I am so sorry...  

you may want to seek medical help with it....

You should take time each day for relaxation and fun..even if it is taking a long bubble bath...

get the emotional support that you need....
take care of your body...illuminate as much stress as possible... it isn't healthy... don't feel overloaded with responsibilities....or issues with negativity..

with stress levels through the roof...think about how you can bring your life back into balance. Maybe give up some responsibilities...if you are overloaded... if someone is arguing... go to a happy place... even if ...you have to go take a drive or walk... to get away from the stress..do it....when your boyfriend and mother argue ...it isn't healthy for you.. especially if you are having such attacks...  
of course... it isn't easy.... to support your boyfriend when those issues with his mother.. are your stress...... you and your boyfriend...have to figure out.. a way... to not upset you and be at level... that isn't risking your health and life... this is serious business :hug: ....... If you’re feeling unsupported... find someone you trust to confide in..... Just talking to someone ...when anxiety is high or beginning.. and someone that can support your feelings... is better for you ...then the negativity... you have to be around... 

I really recommend you and your boyfriend seek another place to live...  it sounds as if ..it isn't going to get any better....but worse... I am praying ..that you will be happy.... and get the help you seek.... :hug: ray:


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## freckles (Jun 17, 2011)

I think Pam just about said it all...I am sorry that you are going through a rough time. In laws can be horrible, but you have to make the best out of it. Living with her can be the main issue. Hopefully once you guys find a place of your own peace can be made. Maybe go to get a massage with her, or get your nails done together. Ask her if she would like to play a board game with you, that way you guys can socialize and it will not be so awkward.


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## Ember (May 23, 2011)

I retreat to the bedroom because I like to have time to myself and catch up on shows I don't get to watch because the tv is either always on the news or hallmark or lifetime and she rewatches the same movie over and over!

I have tried to get her to go to dinner with me and she refuses to do anything. She just wants to come home from work, sit on the couch, watch tv and play facebook games until its time to go to bed.

I have only had 1 issue with the attack a girl I work with says she has them quiet frequently and she said Valium or Xanax are what they give you and I really do not want to medicate like that. Benadryl knocks me on my butt I can't imagine what those would do to me! 

We are trying really hard to move out, I just started working and received a partial pay check for my first 3 weeks and get paid again this friday so I pay my bills and stash the rest, he has been saving as well, he drives OTR so I only see him on Friday nights-Sunday Mornings and I work Friday and Saturdays so we don't even get a full day together.

I told him I want to move out by October by the latest but his mom demands $200 of each of his paychecks since he owes her a little bit on money so that sets us back $200 a week (he is the main breadwinner in the relationship) So he figures by October he should have her paid off and said that by December we should have our own place. If we cant be out by October I want out by Dec 1st. 

I try to step back and take deep breaths, remove myself from the situation, etc but sometimes it's hard. Because the way she is she feels everyone owes her and that since it's her house everyone should respect her but she doesnt need to return the respect. She turns the tv up to 40 when were sleeping, she stomps around the house, gets the dog barking, slams the dog gate etc, but if I accidently trip over the dog gate at 430am on Saturday when Im gettin ready for work I hear about it for the next 3 days! It's kind of like living with 2 different people yesterday she was SO nice to me, we got along great, other days its like she'd rather shoot me than look at me, and I just bite my tongue and deal with it because I get tired of hearing the drama and bs if I say something to stick up for myself. Like her dog has started to bite people and she just thinks its HILARIOUS! It bit my boyfriend Saturday night and drew blood and she goes "well you were probably being mean and teasing her" nope she just randomly bit him and she gets upset because I dont like her dog and wont let her dog crawl all over me and lay on me and I dont share my dinner with the dog so that ticks her off too!

For instance, I accidently caught a Raccoon in a live trap and my boyfriend and I found it Friday. I had moved the live trap from the animal barn to the big barn because I was cleaning for my new goat stall and she had so much random crap squandered away in the barn in was in the way. So I went into the big barn Friday night and we smelt it before we found him, its been super hot here the last couple weeks and he stunk!! So I drug him outside so he wouldnt stink up the barn and all I've heard all week is since that I caught it I have to take care of it...it smells, its rotting, and all I hear is "you caught it you take care of it" arrrrg!


I get paid This Friday and am going home for the weekend Saturday and don't have to come back until Monday so I do have a relaxing weekend ahead of me, but I do also plan on getting a full hour massage I just need to find a place around here that does it. 

I do need to however find someone to take care of all the goats or I have to take my girls with me, his mom wont even help with the animals, not even hers she gets mad if we dont fill the water tub for her horses, we quit filling the tub because she would leave the hose on and forget about it then blame us for doing it and tell us if we burn up the pump WE are paying for it...bla!

I do believe a lot of the dislike for me stems from that fact that he is an only child and I am 5 years older than he is, and that his attention is not turned on someone other than her and he isn't at her beckon call all the time. And I am not the only girl she has tried to chase away, he dated a girl and took her out twice after she met his mom she broke up with him and told him it was because she didn't want to ever run the risk of being related to his mom! :shocked: 


I do really enjoy the Bath and Body Works stuff I got. Vanilla Verbena in the Stress Relief line, it smells amazing , I took the body spray and sprayed it on my pillow a couple hours before bed and it smelt so amazing and was pretty comforting!

Thanks for letting me vent I feel better


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## freedomstarfarm (Mar 25, 2011)

:hug: Vent any time! It is so much better to get it out then let it boil inside!


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

That is sad ....she doesn't want to do anything with you....sounds like... she has issues going on.... that we do not know ....and why she feels that way....... so it is best ...that you and you boyfriend do move out....
wish it could be sooner for you...but it sounds like ...it will be a while anyway...

You are right ....drugs isn't the answer....it can do more harm then good...just make sure.... there is an out for you....so it calm's you down...

I feel so bad for you... she shouldn't be that way... but she is.... Don't ever think it is your fault .... 

You are doing the right thing by trying to get along and not fuming the issue... that is the best way... of course ...it is her house... her rules...but ..I wish she could get along with you.......hang in there...hopefully you can get out when you want to and things should be much better.... she sounds controlling...which is so sad...and makes a very unhappy atmosphere..  :hug: 

It is best to walk away...if she wants to argue or you are not getting anywhere.... sounds like... you can't wait for her or things to calm down... so things can be talked out...and resolved....  

As to the dog ...she may get sued... if the dog bites the right person..... and on top of it ...she may end up losing the dog...
You are right... if you don't want a dog all over you ect...you shouldn't have to put up with it.... she should respect that.... but unfortunately she doesn't .... 

Glad you will have a relaxing weekend...you need more of those.... good for you... :thumb: 

What I am gathering... she feels that because you are living there ...you should do all the chores.... which is logical in a sense...but... I don't like how she is going about it.....kindness goes farther than negativity ... 

Glad you enjoy the Bath and Body Works stuff...do what makes you happy...and relaxed.....do things for you....because you are important.... :wink: 

hang in there... :hug: ray:


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## freckles (Jun 17, 2011)

Better to let it out, everyone needs someone to talk to whether it is here or wherever just us goat people are more understanding  I am sorry she is so ummm evil. I will be praying for you guys.


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## HoosierShadow (Apr 20, 2010)

I'm so sorry your going through this. Life sure throws us some lousy fast balls doesn't it? I agree that I'd speak with a doctor about this, it can really help especially if it were to ever happen again.

If he is an only child I could probably see the issue with her losing all of his attention. But..she's an adult and needs to act like one. And what if one day you two were to marry, surely she wouldn't want this kind of relationship with her daughter in law....but again, people just don't think like that.

I am 3 1/2 years older than my husband BTW, he was 19 when our son was born in 2001 and I was 22...heh... Of course my ex husband was 4 years older than me. I know a LOT of people who have huge age differences in their relationships and it's never been an issue. So I see 5 years age difference and I am like heh...whatever  Of course if he was a minor that would be a totally different story LOL

I sometimes suffere from depression, but I've never seen a doctor for it. Usually it just passes, and I go on with my day. But I know people that have had anxiety attacks, and it sounds really scary. Again I'd really talk with someone about that. And like everyone else...try to find some time in your day to relax, and let the stress take the back seat. Do you like to read? Usually when I get really depressed or just having a stressful day I hide in my bedroom, I pick up my favorite book and just open it...any page.. I start on is fine with me, and it sure gets my mind going in a different direction. After reverting to my favorite books a zillion times I've been reading some other books and it's really gotten me out of my current rut  And helped with my night owl syndrome <insomnia haha>. Of course it doesn't solve problems, but at least it relieves some of the tension/stress....

Wish I knew something more to say that would help.


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## Ember (May 23, 2011)

Thanks everyone.

I don't know where to go with her. She claims she enjoys us living here, but then treats us like crap.

She tells him I am anti social and lock myself in the bedroom but then when I do sit in the living room she doesn't talk to me unless she is probing for information. She would rather carry on a conversation with the dog than she would me. 

Last night for example: I go to bed at like 8pm on my first day back to work. After I went to bed, she started slamming the dryer door, slamming the dog gate, stomping through the kitchen, dropping the cat food container on the floor, and she turns the tv up really high because she wanted the fish tank out in the living room and now claims she can't hear the tv so she has to have it really loud. Which I can then hear in the other end of the house.

The marrying thing is a whole other ball of worms. I am pretty sure that's where we are headed and I told him if we do we are getting married in my home state. It's a 5hr drive from here. He said well if we do that she probably wont come. I told him oh well. She has alienated herself from their entire family and none of the neighbors even like her so I said there is no way in hell I would have a wedding down here and have 6 people show up. haha

Not to mention she maxed out his $5000 credit card and lied to him about it and when he found out he blew his lid and her response was "oh well not my problem" So he called and deactivated her card, made a $500 payment, she found out called reactivated her card and charged it right back up. I told him he needs to cancel it or call the card in stolen because she's doing it so we can't move out!


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

:hug: Your Welcome...



> Not to mention she maxed out his $5000 credit card and lied to him about it and when he found out he blew his lid and her response was "oh well not my problem" So he called and deactivated her card, made a $500 payment, she found out called reactivated her card and charged it right back up. I told him he needs to cancel it or call the card in stolen because she's doing it so we can't move out!


 Legally ...she cannot use the card without permission... how did she get it in the first place? If she just helped herself...that is steeling.... :shocked:

You guys need to get out of there... :doh: maybe buy a cheap camper trailer ...but livable..move it into a campers spot and live in it ...until you can save up... to get a place..may be tough for a while but ...at least she can't rob you blind and stress the heck out of you....no one needs.. what you are going through.....just an idea.... :hug:


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## luvmyherd (Apr 9, 2011)

Gosh, a lot of this sounds so familiar. I sometimes wish I had been like that other girl you mentioned who left him after meeting his mom. My MIL has hated me for nearly 40 years. Somehow we have managed to work around it but it was never easy. Luckily I never had to live with her.
My daughter was looking at a bunch of old pictures she managed to get from her (she holds things hostage) and said to me, "It looks like you were always stoned in these pictures." 
I was like, "Yeah, the only way I could go to that house was if I had a snoot full!" (I am not recommending this.) :wink: 
I agree that drugs are not the answer but I have found a number of herbal teas that help with depression and anxiety. I sip them while I soak in a bubble bath.
I hope things improve for you in the near future. Starting a job sounds like a step in the right direction.


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## Ember (May 23, 2011)

In 2 1/2 weeks I can start working as much overtime as I want so I'm going to take advantage of that. When I start my set schedule I work Sun-Thur 11-830 so the only times I will need to be home around it all of it is Friday night, Saturday and Sunday Morning then by the time I get up to go to work she will be gone and when I get home from work she will be in bed. So that will make things easier.

I don't want to turn to drugs but through my insurance I guess I get 3 free phone counseling sessions so I may take full advantage of that!

She got his card because he gave her a copy of it so if he needed something while he was gone (OTR Trucker) she could get it for him. Well that turned into her truck needed tires, her house needed interior doors, she paid for her camp site, etc. 

In regards to the chore thing I don't mind helping out around here I used to do the dishes, take out trash, take care of ALL the animals not just mine, mow grass etc. But when she asked my boyfriend WHY I was living here because she doesn't need anyone living with her shes independent. So that's when I quit doing so much because I felt like I was being taken advantage of because I was doing all the stuff around here and she wasn't doing anything so I told him that she can start doing some of her own crap around the house because I'm not a slave and I'm not hired help, hell I don't even get a thank you 98% of the time.

I just found out that I will have the house to myself from next Tues through the Sunday or Monday after that, I just have to take care of the dog, which is just make sure she has water, etc. She asked me if she left the dog here if I would be nice to it..I was like WTF it's not like I kick the dog across the room and catch it on fire. yeesh!

*deep breath, deep breath* I'm going home this weekend thank god!


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Use your counseling that is a good idea....



> She got his card because he gave her a copy of it so if he needed something while he was gone (OTR Trucker) she could get it for him. Well that turned into her truck needed tires, her house needed interior doors, she paid for her camp site, etc.


 very sad... she may of abused a good thing... 



> But when she asked my boyfriend WHY I was living here because she doesn't need anyone living with her shes independent.


 Please don't get mad at me ..but this is how I am seeing it.... :hug: I am sorry but ..I see no harm in her asking why.....as some people like to be alone....
Moving you in their ...there has to be questions on why.... 
I see why... she would be upset.....only if... you aren't paying for rent....it is only right.. that you help out around the place.... as she is allowing you to stay in her home.......and that is alot cheaper than having to pay high rent somewhere else...and only asks you to help out around the place....that is not asking for much.......it's called.. "earning your keep".....not being a slave..taken advantage of ect.....put yourself in her position for a minute and try to see where she is coming from..... if you help out... you two may get along....if this is what is happening.... :hug: 
She wanted a tv moved right?...easy enough..but it wasn't done and she was angry..and conflicted ....understandable...she is building up anger and not talking to you...

OK... if I am figuring wrong here..I am sorry...and only trying to help....so Now... if I am all wrong here and you "are" paying her rent ..then... dismiss all said above.....then she is in the wrong.... and should be nice to you. :hug:


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## Willow (Jun 12, 2011)

wise words Pam. It is always a good idea to step back and try to see a situation from the other person's perspective. If it is peace that you seek then sometimes you have to give up being "right" or defensive . Compassion and understanding go a long way. Its not easy for us moms to share our sons...let alone our homes. Think of your conflict as a tug of war...all you have to do is drop your end of the rope..and then there is nothing to tug. I say ...work hard at peace...try to take care of this woman and be the best housemate and future daughter -in -law that you can be. [I do hear that it is difficult and frustrating/discouraging. It is great that you are trying to take care of yourself and it is always ok to vent ..to neutral and supportive people.]
Take care and good luck. :hug:


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

> wise words Pam


 Thank you Willow... and you as well... :hug:


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## Ember (May 23, 2011)

toth boer goats said:


> Use your counseling that is a good idea....
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Please don't get mad at me ..but this is how I am seeing it.... :hug: I am sorry but ..I see no harm in her asking why.....as some people like to be alone....
Moving you in their ...there has to be questions on why.... 
I see why... she would be upset.....only if... you aren't paying for rent....it is only right.. that you help out around the place.... as she is allowing you to stay in her home.......and that is alot cheaper than having to pay high rent somewhere else...and only asks you to help out around the place....that is not asking for much.......it's called.. "earning your keep".....not being a slave..taken advantage of ect.....put yourself in her position for a minute and try to see where she is coming from..... if you help out... you two may get along....if this is what is happening.... :hug: 
She wanted a tv moved right?...easy enough..but it wasn't done and she was angry..and conflicted ....understandable...she is building up anger and not talking to you...

OK... if I am figuring wrong here..I am sorry...and only trying to help....so Now... if I am all wrong here and you "are" paying her rent ..then... dismiss all said above.....then she is in the wrong.... and should be nice to you. :hug:[/quote32u8h4e]

I'm not mad, there is just a lot of crazy back story that goes with it. My boyfriend didn't want to do the long distance thing for long so he asked her if I could move in until we can afford to get our own place. She said sure. Well she is doing everything in her power to make it so we cant move out (i.e: max out his credit card) then complains about us being here.

I could understand her being upset if I sat on my butt and ate all her food and didn't do anything. But the thing that upsets me is she said as long as I helped out I could move in, so I was helping out, and then helping out turned into I did everything. She comes home from work sits on the couch plays facebook games and watches tv until she goes to bed. I was more than willing to help out with stuff but I am not live in maid so she can sit around and not doing anything. I work 40+hrs a week as well as take care of all of mine and my bf's animals. To be expected to do everything so she can live the high life and take it easy seems like a slap in the face to me, I don't mind helping out but expecting me to do dishes every week, take out trash, mow the lawn, take care of all the animals, pick up the house, etc while she relaxes and goes shopping or out to eat doesn't seem fair or right to me. The bf and I buy all our own groceries, do our laundry at a laundry mat, clean up after ourselves, etc and basically only live out of a bedroom but it still seems to be to much, we even go as far as cleaning barns, he's even putting up hay for her even though she refused to buy hay for all the animals she only bought it for her animals and told us tough crap we aren't allowed to use any of it...I told him I'd tell her to find someone else to do it but he won't because he's trying to be helpful but its never enough.

I have basically given up all hopes of having a good relationship with her. My boyfriend and I met in November, at first mention of me she hated me even before meeting me. She had talked so much crap about me to all of her friends she had his aunt who I had never met hating me as well. I wanted him to go home with me one weekend and she threw a hissy fit and texted a friend of hers and called me a "greedy b!tch" because I wanted him to go with me since he likes to visit my family and has admitted they are way better than his mom because they are nice and welcomed him in. I am still trying to figure out where I fit in and its been 6 months, some days shes nice to me others she treats me like total crap.

I can honestly say when him and I finally do move out I wont have much if anything to do with her. I will probably come around on the holidays but other than that I can't say I'll be around much else because of how she has treats me. I have tried so hard to just give in and be nice and blow off the stuff she does but there is only so much I can take and I don't enjoy being walked all over or told I'm stupid and don't know what I'm talking about. I wasn't treated that way growing up, I won't be treated that way now. When I was down here visiting in February while he and I were gone one day she went through ALL of my luggage and told him that he needs to break up with me because I was high maintenance. IDK where she got that from because all I had with me were clothes for the week, my computer, and my shower stuff.

My dad met her a couple months ago when he was driving through the area, he drives semi too and she was rude as hell to him and treated him like an idiot too and he was like "I am sorry you have to live with that" I introduced them and she wouldn't even say hi or acknowledge my dads attempt at a handshake!

I'm trying and have been, my boyfriend has even admitted that I'm the only one giving trying to get along 100% she just doesn't care. My bf has even had long sit down talks with her about the way she treats me because it makes him mad and he gets tired of hearing crap from his friends about what shes saying.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

I am glad you aren't mad at me...that would of just broke my heart...  
I am very concerned for you.... :hug: 

Of course... I don't want to pry into your life to much.. that is private ...

Can you start a saving account and not let her have access to your account number...so...if you leave the house... she cannot go through your things and find it or touch it? That way ...you can save up and she cannot spend it.....

Remember doing chores.. is much cheaper than paying rent...I know it is hard work...having to work your behind off and also have to work at home... But think of it as temporary....but then again... it should open up your mind and put it in prospective... as when you get your own place ...you and your boyfriend will be the only ones there...with all the chores...without his mother.. ..someone has to do it .... we all do... And it can be very hard on us to have to do it.... Chores ...are always going to be there no matter where we live...  I don't like them either... :hair: 

I know we get discouraged ...when we have to live with someone else and their rules....but ...we have to grin and bare it.... until we get a place of our own and then...we make the rules.... I know she is asking alot though and not treating you very well...that isn't right at all....  

People that ask and over ask for you to do things... is considered a contolling person..... like I said... you 2 need to get out of there....and be cleaver to save money ...so it will happen....... this arrangement isn't healthy for anyone there.... 

I hate hearing all the negatives...and I am sorry ...she spread rumors before she even knew you.....that isn't fair....as she didn't give you a chance....

OK ...this is what I believe is happening and she may never open up to you for taking her son away from her.... here is how I see it...
When she is Having a problem when you want him to go with you for the weekend home That.. is the controlling aspect.... Any normal parent would want their child to be happy and with someone he loves....but I see her as not wanting her son to leave her period.....she is probably scared over that...and feels that you are taking away her boy....With some mom's... it is hard to let go.....and they don't want to let go...I see this as a big issue and that is why she doesn't like you.........
Here is a big question for your boyfriend... that you can think of a good way to ask him....
Is he willing to break away from the nest..... and if his mother pleads with him to stay ...when you both are trying to go live on your own... Is he going to leave or...say... I can't leave my mother and Give into her".... 
Sometimes... a mom such as that.... will actually act sick or do something to detour the move from happening..... 
Also... is it possible for you 2 to go live at your parents home... until you can get on your feet? That will be a better place...

I can't blame you... for not wanting to be around such negativity.... it is very sad...  I see her not wanting to meet your family ...because she wants her son all to herself...be very careful.... it may turn real bad when you guys want to move out.... I'd leave... when she is not home.... to save conflict ... and anguish... :hug: ray:


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## luvmyherd (Apr 9, 2011)

toth boer goats said:


> Sometimes... a mom such as that.... will actually act sick or do something to detour the move from happening.....


Yep! My MIL has done that numerous times.

The more of this story you disclose Ember; the more memories it brings up. And all the advice I got about trying. Oh my gosh did I try?!? But the more I gave in the more she pushed. When she realized there was no way she was going to stop us getting married; (our daughter was 6 months old) she went to the other extreme and planned our whole wedding.............behind our backs!!!!!! She had it down to the music and the preacher and she was gonna make the cake. To this day she has refused to come to any birthday or anniversary party where I have baked my own cake.
I have eavesdropped and heard to telling my husband horrible lies about me. I am not condoning nor recommending this but it was the only way I had of knowing. He would never tell me. He has never believed them but that part of his heart that cannot let go (I know sons love their mothers) will still defend her. She even talked his dad into telling him they thought I was having an affair.
I do not want to sound negative but sometimes there is just nothing you can do. I did get into a 12 step program in the 80's and had to take a good look at myself. This helped a lot as I quit trying to hurt her and learned to be tolerant.
She is in her late 80's now so I have given up any hope of her changing. I just try not to see her too often.
Take care of yourself. :hug:


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## Willow (Jun 12, 2011)

Hi. Let us know how you are doing. Wish you well. :hug:


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Ember ...we are concerned about you...are you OK...? :hug:


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## Ember (May 23, 2011)

Hey everyone sorry about the lax update lately.

After myy last post I got to go home that weekend July 30-Aug 1 to see my family and my boyfriend went with me. It was a good weekend, really short but good I felt pretty relaxed which is what I needed!

It didn't last real long, he had given his mom $300 before we left because she asked for more because she was going to the 127 sales that week and wanted cash. Well then Sunday when we all went to pick up my laptop she had texted him again and wanted $200 more from him. So $500 instead of the normal $200. I was pretty upset we are trying really hard to save up and she is sucking all the money she can out of him. I actually almost started crying in the car because of how stressed the whole situation makes me.

I did find out today however that he only owes her $2000 and then she's paid off so in 10 weeks at the $200 a week he will be done. Unless she keeps asking for more then he's done sooner. We are both ready for the day he doesn't owe her any more money becasue she is constantly asking "where is my money" when he is home on the weekend.

We have actively started looking for our own place. It kind of worries me because I have only got 2 paychecks into my work so far and it has all gone to paying bills so I havent been able to save any money and I dont want to be unable to help pay for things. But he told his friend that we need to get the hell out of here, so we are looking to rent for 6 months to a year which I really dont want to do but it will be temporary so I'm ok with that. I have a list of places to call tomorrow to get some prices. It will be nice to get into our own place where we can live like adults. We aren't even allowed to sleep in the same room!!!

We went to the casino south of Indy for bf's birthday on Saturday they sent him a thing for his bday month so we went since his bday is in the middle of the week and he's gone then. So we had a good weekend until she called and said she was home :doh: She actually called and said she was gonna be home Thursday but then they got stuck because her friend bought a tractor in KY and they couldnt figure out how to get it home, so she didnt make it home until Sat night but we thought she was gone til Sunday so it kinda killed our Saturday date night. :sigh: 

Other than that, after this week I will get to start working overtime and believe me will I be working it just to stay away from her. It seems like she is just doing stuff now to get at everyone. We had an old pile of hay outside and she told us we couldnt burn it we would catch the barn on fire :? So we come home today from getting groceries and shes burning the hay we aren't allowed to burn :scratch: I opened the small barn door to let some air get in because it was so dang hot in the barn, she waits until I walk away walks over and slams it shut. :roll: It's all stupid stuff like nagging us to pick up brake pads, we changed the brakes on my car Friday and didnt get a chance to clean them up before we had to run errands so we get home today and is telling my bf he needs to do all this stuff before he leaves for work and hes like no I have to go and she was like well someone has to do it...soo hard to not be like well stay off the computer for 20 minutes and do it...so I took the rotors and pads to the barn and added them to our scrap pile and shes like why is he keeping those...and I explained they are worth some money and I just wanted to ask her why she keeps some of the crap she keeps! It's starting to irk me she questions everything we do. My boyfriend rolled money over into Cds because he can triple his money and she treated him like he was an idiot and stupid to do it. 

She also keeps harping him on what kind of dog he wants. He keeps telling her he doesnt want one but she keeps asking. I found out the other day the only reason she is so persistent is because she wants another dog. So she would basically say its for him butkeep it for herself and she does NOT need another dog the one she has is gross enough. She lets it poop and pee inside...EWWW

Other than that not much in my crazy little world. I do need to go to a doctor I don't know if its from the stress or what but I am getting headaches at least once a day now, and about every other day they are so bad I need to lay down and I have started to randomly bruise all over. On our way back from Michigan I found a huge bruise on the underside of my left arm and have no idea where it came from, found 4 bruises on my stomach. 2 of which were thre that morning and just showed up by 10am. I bought some prenatal vitamins figuring maybe if I started taking vitamins it might help with the bruising or someting and at first my bf had a heart attack when he saw them until I explained why I bought them. But we have to hide them so his mom doesnt see them because she would flip, but I figure its only a matter of time, I'm sure while we aren't here she snoops through the room.

Things really havent gotten any better but they have been calmer this last week because she was gone all week and most of the weekend so I'm sure this week will be a treat.

The other crappy thing Is I need to start looking for a car to replace mine and I don't have the extra money to do so. I love my car but both my dad and bf are worried its going to leave me stranded somewhere. It has a wicked lifter tick and sometimes takes 2 cranks of the key to start.


Lucy's lump has gotten smaller, not much but a little so I see that as improvment. Bf's goats have adopted me as their new owner...they barely pay attention to him when he;s home they know I have the grain..haha. They are both super pregnant the one more so than the other. So I am def. looking forward to babies. And I am SO hoping we get some girls this time becasue we sell all the boys and bf wants to keep one to eat if we get a boy this time around. So I def want all girls or mostly girls..LOL Plus it will give me an excuse to go cuddle on babies because I will know we get to keep them!! He also promised me I could get a Donkey when we get our own property or take over the farm so that makes me happy 


I can't think of anything other than that, I am exhausted I think it is time for bed


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## luvmyherd (Apr 9, 2011)

Thank you for the update. I do empathize. Even to the thing about the dog.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Hey there ...was worried about you... :hug:

Glad the visit went well with your family....

Your boyfriend needs to put his foot down and say... I don't have anymore money... he can give her some.... but... he can't keep giving her all of it ...you guys need to get out of there.... I would be upset as well.... :hug:

Anytime she asks for money and gets paid ...it should be tallied and a receipt needs to be done.... he can't just fork out money ...and oh this time.. it isn't going towards the debt owed .....whenever she gets any money... it should be deducted from the $2,000.... so you guys can get on your feet....I don't care if it is family or not...he needs receipts...on every dime he gives to her... if she is over asking then.... in my book... the debt should be paid off much sooner.... If your boyfriend is paying her weekly... as he is suppose to...why does she ask constantly... where's my money.... :doh:

That is great... that you are actively looking for your place...puts in a brighter future for you...

You need to budget yourself....add up all the monthly bills...rent( you will be paying)...food...gas.. ...utilities ect(expenses)...then how much your check and his check will be... deduct the monthly bills from the check amount...if you have some money left over to live on or save ...you are doing good..if you are in a negative...then ....you can't do it.... make sure.. you can afford it before signing any rent contracts.... Get as affordable rent as you can.... ...you can always move up when things get better....

I guess if she wanted to burn the hay herself....think of it this way... at least if anything happened... it would be on her...and not on you... :wink:

Just grin and bare it....sort of speak....I know it is easier said then done...just keep it in your mind... that someday soon ....you will be in your own home...with your own rules and she won't be there to nag you anymore....



> My boyfriend rolled money over into Cds because he can triple his money and she treated him like he was an idiot and stupid to do it.


It isn't good to tell his mother everything.... It is you and his business ..what you should do with your money...CD"s is smart..... :wink: :hi5:

You guys don't need a dog... if you are going on your own...hold off until you are on your feet and know that is what you want.....

Stress.. can cause headaches... you may need your neck and back cracked(put into place)..

You aren't hitting yourself on anything ...you are just bruising? 
That sounds serious and I recommend.. that you do see a doctor....  ray:

Man... when we have to get another vehicle that does suck.... 

Glad Lucy's bump is smaller... :thumbup:

Selling the goat kids... will help with extra money though... :wink:

thanks for the update...glad you guys are doing OK for now.... :hug: ray:


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## xymenah (Jul 1, 2011)

I can't say anything for all the other stuff going on but I do know about anxiety attacks. I've never gotten any treatment for it or anything but I have an anxiety disorder. Just sitting watching TV I can have a mini attack let alone doing something that I'm nervous like talking to a stranger. Full ones are so debilitating and you do feel like you are going to die. The only thing I could do is try and slow my breathing and think happy thoughts. Hope everything works out for you and your anxiety decreases. :hug:


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

> I can't say anything for all the other stuff going on but I do know about anxiety attacks. I've never gotten any treatment for it or anything but I have an anxiety disorder. Just sitting watching TV I can have a mini attack let alone doing something that I'm nervous like talking to a stranger. Full ones are so debilitating and you do feel like you are going to die. The only thing I could do is try and slow my breathing and think happy thoughts. Hope everything works out for you and your anxiety decreases. :hug:


 :hug:


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