# Am I being to nice?



## JessaLynn (Aug 30, 2009)

Need to get this off my chest! I have a friend who I sold 2 of my goats to and got her in a good direction with goats in general.I have even sold her kid crop for her (advertized and did all the registering and tattooing) She even asked to use my buck this year which I said sure with no charge even.I taught her how to make soap using my recipe and she went behind my back and has now started selling it with her name on it and at places where I go and didn't even ask me! :veryangry: At first I thought ok no big deal but now I'm seriously annoyed.Here I tried to help her out not thinking she would do that and now I can't even set up this year at craft shows because SHE is there! WTHeck! :GAAH: This was my only sourse of extra income for Christmas presents for my kids and now I'm screwed.I still sell fudge and WON'T be giving anyone that recipe for sure but dang that was really not a nice thing to do to someone. What would you do if this happend to you? I don't even know what to say to her.Tell her jokingly to give me 50% of her profits since she took my idea and business?? :hair:


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## potentialfarm (Apr 11, 2011)

:shocked: Yeah, I would say that you were way too nice to someone that didn't turn out to be a very good friend. I would definitely make a comment to her & when she wants "help" selling/tattooing/registering kids in the future, or needs buck service, she should pay you a fee for that. Guard that fudge recipe! So sorry this happened. :hug:


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## JessaLynn (Aug 30, 2009)

Yea I think I'm done with it.I do value our friendship more then money but she should to  She is more aggressive then I am and kind of does whatever and wont think twice.Me I'm more passive and I do get trammpled on sometimes.I will make her pay for buck service though because I put alot of work in my herd and if she plans to sell his offspring then I should get credit for it darn it! My fudge is awesome not to toot my own horn or anything "toot toot" :laugh: but I have almost perfected my recipe and get alot of commpliments so I don't want anyone taking that away from me


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## KW Farms (Jun 21, 2008)

Yes, you're being to nice.  She's being a parasite. Don't help her anymore. People like that don't get very far and it's only a matter of time before she'll come crawling back to you for more help...don't give it to her. She's on her own now...she can do the breedings...tattooing...registering herself...that's her job!!


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## freedomstarfarm (Mar 25, 2011)

I would confront her right up!! Tell her that you were trying to be a friend and that if she desires to sell the soap she must do it elsewhere or give you a cut! Don't help her out anymore that is for sure!!  Makes me sad there are people like that out there!


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

How devastating....I am so sorry she has done that...  

I would definitely let her know.. that you are not happy ...that she would throw away a great friendship... that you hate losing a good friend but ... the trust isn't there anymore....that you feel deceived and you cannot continue to help throw yourself out there anymore and get hurt like that.....You did all this for a friend and deserve respect from her....from helping her so much.... You are a very good person and don't need to get dragged down because of it...
I know that you are hurting inside.. :hug: 

It isn't right for her to sell a product... that you helped her to create and she should of respected you and said..do you want to sell it together..and share the profits...that would of been the proper way of doing it...it is what fiends are suppose to do....  :hug:


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## JessaLynn (Aug 30, 2009)

Thanks all :grouphug: My husband says I'm overreacting and that the purpose was to help her and I did BUT not to be back stabbed and have the rug pulled right from underneath me :GAAH: That was so not nice! He wants me to brush it off and let it go but gee I just can't right now. I wont be helping anymore.They want goats, she can do it all on her own because I have my own farm to worry about and take care of. My heart sank when she told me.I thought the nerve ya know? Don't bother to ask how I felt first.First it was on etsy which I was totally fine with cus it wouldn't reflect my business but when she goes on my turf knowing I set up tables there...that's not right! Even one of our friends told her that was wrong of her and she just made a flippen joke of it like oh she don't mind :angry: Wow I'm a good friend aint I? Just step all over me :wallbang:


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## JessaLynn (Aug 30, 2009)

Oh and it took me 2 years to figure out the perfect combo of oils to get the recipe the way I wanted and she gets the credit for it  BURNED!


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## freedomstarfarm (Mar 25, 2011)

Say something or write her a letter or email. Don't just let it go. The friendship seams ruined at the moment so nothing to lose by speaking your mind.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Your Husband isn't being fair to you....you were deceived by a friend.......  
Have him put himself in your shoes....ask him...wouldn't you feel hurt ...if one of your friends.. took a great idea.....that he didn't even help with it....that you worked so hard on... for a very long period of time.. ....to discover that when you shared it Privately to that friend....and put all trust into that friend to confide in......for that so called friend...just to up and take it ...to profit for himself... 
now.. that trust is gone....  


You were wronged dear...and I am on your side.... :hug:


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## Mandara Farm (Sep 12, 2010)

Everyone else is right on target IMHO. She's a parasite. That's NOT friendship. I hope you dont settle for that kind of treatment, and no, I wouldn't advise brushing it off. It's one thing to use that soap recipe for her family and for private use -- it's quite another to go public with YOUR recipe and not even get it that it's an issue. Sheesh, what a nerve is right! She's a dunderhead. Sorry to say that, because I know you considered her a friend, but I think she's earned the title. On the plus side, you've put a lot of time and thought into your soap recipe. I hope you're able to expand on what you've accomplished so far so that you can go beyond what she's already doing and gain that business back. Meantime, are you selling your fudge to the public yet, cuz I'm wanting some :drool:


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## JessaLynn (Aug 30, 2009)

Yea I'm backing away from the friendship for awhile.I don't like to be used.Thank you all for the encouragment.I'm going to continue with what I'm doing because I enjoy making it and want it to be even better! I learned my lesson with her and not going to be so trusting anymore.My hearts broken but it'll heal. Yes Mandara Farm I do sell the fudge public. I make it out of almost all organic ingredients. Very yummy and has a creamy texture


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## milk and honey (Oct 31, 2010)

I'm so sorry .. that's a tough thing to go through, and a really tough learning experience. That's not what friends do! I would write down how you feel about what she has done and email it to her. Tell you that you really depend on those sales, and after all that you've done for her, she should let you have them back! and only then can your friendship continue. (remind her how long you worked to get that recipe right.. and for her to do that was stealing)


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## myfainters (Oct 30, 2009)

Did your friend know up front that you expected her to keep all of the soap you gave her the recipe for and not sell any? The problem when doing business with friends is that you usually don't set up guidelines up front and the majority of the time someone ends up getting hurt or feeling used. Now as a business associate yes, she should work something out to compensate you for your time and recipe....but since you gave her the recipe as a friend without strings attached shouldn't it stay without strings? 

I can understand that you are upset....but maybe your friend truly has NO idea that you are upset or why? As a friend I'd think that communication should be #1. Not competition...... does your "friend" never do anything to help you? Or is this strictly a one sided take all "friendship" if that's the case then I'd just cut my losses. But if she is a true friend...then I'd think she at least deserves to tell you her side of the story. It might actually make you feel better to hear it.


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## groovyoldlady (Jul 21, 2011)

myfainters said:


> Did your friend know up front that you expected her to keep all of the soap you gave her the recipe for and not sell any? The problem when doing business with friends is that you usually don't set up guidelines up front and the majority of the time someone ends up getting hurt or feeling used. Now as a business associate yes, she should work something out to compensate you for your time and recipe....but since you gave her the recipe as a friend without strings attached shouldn't it stay without strings?
> 
> I can understand that you are upset....but maybe your friend truly has NO idea that you are upset or why? As a friend I'd think that communication should be #1. Not competition...... does your "friend" never do anything to help you? Or is this strictly a one sided take all "friendship" if that's the case then I'd just cut my losses. But if she is a true friend...then I'd think she at least deserves to tell you her side of the story. It might actually make you feel better to hear it.


You stated just what I was thinking, Jess.


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## Mandara Farm (Sep 12, 2010)

If she was truly a friend she would have asked you first before going public with your recipe. It's a pretty big assumption to make that the owner of the recipe wouldn't mind...


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## JessaLynn (Aug 30, 2009)

When I taught her to make it I said I was purposly to help her family so she could make it for them.I guess I did that.. she just went beyond that.I do alot for their family...it's not all one sided because she has watched my kids a handfull of times when I really needed someone.She isn't a monster by any means.Just a careless mistake on her part.I'm not throwing the friendship away over this but I do need to step away for alittle bit.Nobody is perfect and I make dumb decisions or say stupid things myself so I can't get to bent out of shape.I'm hurt and upset right now and I needed to validate my frustrations.Ya'll have been so gracious in letting me do so and it's helped me see both sides.It gives me purpose to help others and I want to live by that saying treat others the way you want to be treated.Give more then you take and take only what you need.Ok I'll shut up now lol


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## nancy d (Oct 5, 2007)

The words shocked, hurt & infuriated come to mind. This person is not your friend.
Reciprocation is what good relationships are about. The kind you have in your heart to do for another not because you have to but because you want to.
The soap isnt the main issue its her lack of respect & breeching your trust.
It is time for you to stand up for yourself & what is right, have a serious talk with her by way your most comfortable mode, whether in person letter or email.
She has no excuse. :hug:


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## JessaLynn (Aug 30, 2009)

I'll have a talk with her tomorrow when I ask her how the craft show was :/


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## Goat Song (May 4, 2011)

I agree with everything that's been said. That was not kind of your friend to do that, but maybe if you talk with her again, she'll back off from selling the soap? Or maybe just tell her that she is free to sell soap, as long as it's a DIFFERENT recipe. Your recipe of soap is for her family use only, not for sale. I see things like that all the time with knitting/sewing patterns. You can buy someone's pattern, but they hold copyrights on it, and you can't sell your items that you make with their pattern. 

Hope things get smoothed out soon. :hug:


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## JessaLynn (Aug 30, 2009)

She can sell her soap..I don't have a problem with that even if it's my recipe.It's the fact she is now going where I set up tables at here in town....that's like two Mary Kay consultants setting up at the same place  Not gonna work


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## freedomstarfarm (Mar 25, 2011)

JessaLynn said:


> She can sell her soap..I don't have a problem with that even if it's my recipe.It's the fact she is now going where I set up tables at here in town....that's like two Mary Kay consultants setting up at the same place  Not gonna work


Yes so please tell her this. It will do everyone good for you to get it out in the open and said.


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## nancy d (Oct 5, 2007)

Good word Freedomstarfarm! :thumb:


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## Burns Branch Boers (Apr 11, 2011)

I am sorry you are dealing with this. I know it is hard, and you have every right to feel decieved. 

I am watching a good friend of mine go through this same senario with someone she thought was a business partner. It is very upsetting for her-she is always such a sweet helpful person. But when there is a person who will use others like a parasite on the opposite end--well the nice person gets hurt (but remember, the nice person always comes out winners in the end!) 

I am careful to keep my "goat secrets" near and dear to "me" they are mine afterall. :greengrin: I don't expect my "goat friends" to share their secrets-just talk goats w/me :laugh: . I would write the person who has done this to you a letter, maybe she will understand better after reading the words and thinking about your side of things. 

Also, remember you can always sell your soaps on-line too! You can sell to the entire U.S. that way!!!


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

:hug:


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