# Okay guys confuse me. (no offense to you guys on here)



## Crissa (Oct 7, 2007)

And I confuse me as well. My ex-boyfriend Mitchell and I were going out for three years, we had an explosive fight because he was drinking alot and just disappearing when we had planned to do something. (yes I know it's not like we were married but he could have been considerate and let me know) Well I broke up with him, he made up some rumors about me being a "psycho b****" and we haven't talked much since. (every now and again we would) Well now he came over to my house last Saturday to tell me that he's joining the Marines. And it scares me. I don't want him to get shot or anything. I thought I was completely over him but apparently not. I don't know what to think. If he dies I just don't know. Heck he may be just fine and I won't have to worry and then he'll settle down with some girl eventually. (which bothers me some) We wound up watching a movie this past Saturday together with his Aunt and her kids. And of course it was the movie Shooter...... not what I needed to see. Why am I so stupid when it comes to guys? :help: :roll:

Sorry I just had to vent. :shrug:


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## Sonrise Farm (Sep 18, 2008)

Yes. I know exactly how you feel. . . . . . :hug: hope it turns out okay for you . . .


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## StaceyRosado (Oct 5, 2007)

I say if you care enough about him to be his friend do that but let him know you are not going to be sitting at home waiting for him, and if someone else comes into your life while he is gone you are still free to do so but are happy to be his friend.

Since he is going into the marines he is becoming nastalgic and you came to mind, which means yes he cares about you. But do try to keep things in prospective and know that you two may not have a future besides friends due to his nature. 

I wish you all the best though.


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## Crissa (Oct 7, 2007)

Thanks. I know we probably won't wind up together because I don't know if I could go through it again. (was extremely depressed for a while) It was a horrible time for me. One of my friends and I were talking just a minute ago and he thinks Mitchell is doing this to try and get me to care and everything again. I don't know, it just hurts all over again. I want to be friends though. But again that scares as that's how we wound up together before. :hammer: 

See I had one other boyfriend for a while (about 2 months) and then Mitchell showed up (yes again, he tends to do this) and my boyfriend was convinced I was cheating on him. Apparently didn't know me well enough to know that I couldn't ever do this. So we broke up. It almost seems that he found out I was dating someone else and came just so he could break us up. These are the only two boyfriends I've ever had. I'm thinking I may just forget about dating until AFTER college.


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## Crissa (Oct 7, 2007)

OH and guess what he's here now outside. :angry:


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## StaceyRosado (Oct 5, 2007)

Crissa said:


> I'm thinking I may just forget about dating until AFTER college.


May not be a bad idea :shades: :wink:


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

I agree with stacey....... end it in friendship.....If he is going into the marines....... you will not get to see him............ for a very long time....training in itself .......takes a long period of time....and if he does go on leave...... it will be a very short break.......both of you being apart ...may very well ...meet someone else.... there are girls on the base... as well as off...as well as you ...I'm sure there are guys where you are......I know it is hard .. :hug: ...but he seems to only care about his partying...and that is his number one priority...  ..He should of been more considerate to you...things like making up rumors about you... and calling you a "psycho b****" is a red flag......not good marriage material.... 
..I know you can find a better catch.....no man sound treat anyone that way....... :hug: 
Of course ......you can decide for yourself ...but I've seen it over and over again ...... :help:
good luck ....on whatever you may decide ray:


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## Crissa (Oct 7, 2007)

Thanks again. What's surprising is he hasn't been drinking or partying anymore. And he's actually not wanting to be in a relationship for a while since he'll be gone for so long. Actually made me feel better to hear him say that and makes me think he may finally be growing up. We'll probably still be friends though.  We get along too well not to be. :roll: I'll still be worried sick about him though.


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## StaceyRosado (Oct 5, 2007)

it is normal to be worried. I would think you strange if you weren't. I have friends in the military and they are not my BF but I still worry about them. it is in our human nature as women to care and to worry. 

And since he will be gone it will make it easier for you to continue to move on from a relationship and still care as a friend.


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## Amos (Oct 2, 2008)

Well in my honest opinion, if he is saying he's going into the marines just to make you worried or scared then he's not worth it at all, if he really cared about you, he would not want you to be scared for him. You should find out if he still cares about you..
But if he really is going into the marines, and doesn't care about you the same way as before, being friends would be better.. 

I unfortunatly come from a long line of divorce, domestic abuse, and alcoholics. Every one of my dad's siblings (he has 10) is no longer married to their first spouse, including himself, my mom's mom has married three different times, and is still an abusive drunk, and my parents.. well they'd be better off apart.


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## Di (Jan 29, 2008)

Oh Crissa! What a lot to go through at your age! :hug: You are going to have ALOT of boyfriends before you find the ONE. Please, don't rush into "relationships" too easily. One thing I've learned in, well, alot of years, is that real "love" doesn't hurt, it isn't depressing, and you should not have to apoligize for or be embarrassed by someone who loves you. 

A person gets drunk and says things that are hurtful and then later they are sober and say "oh I didn't mean that." Well, that's the lie...drunks get drunk and say exactly how they feel...so remember what they say when they are drunk...that's all you are going to get from that relationship.

You are such a beautiful young lady...don't settle for less then you deserve.


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## liz (Oct 5, 2007)

Di, I completely agree with what you said. Crissa, as you said, you get along well enough to be friends and thats great, it just won't go any further because you know him so well. That special someone who is unique to your wants/needs will come along, just don't "settle" for the first guy that "tips his hat" to you, :hug:


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## goatnutty (Oct 9, 2007)

If my boyfriens was cting like that he would be G-O-N-E Gone! But if he is going into the marines just to get to you then I don't agree with that either. If my boyfriend was going to the marines (whether we were together or apart) because I love him (I can't believe I said that  I haven't even said it to him) I would worry a lot but I would do my best to support his decision.


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## Crissa (Oct 7, 2007)

:hair: :GAAH: Can I just go far out into the country where no one else lives with my goats, horse, and anything else I feel like having and having my computer so I can talk to you all? Now my OTHER ex is coming around. (he cheated on me, luckily I don't have much feeling for him) And I think I'm just too stressed out for all of this. :help:


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## StaceyRosado (Oct 5, 2007)

I would tell him to get lost.


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## Tog Lovers (Oct 10, 2007)

*This is just my opinion*: I wouldn't jump to any conclusions one way or the other. Many young men run around and party and do some really dumb things before they grow up. That is life, and it is also how they learn who they are and where they fit in in the world.

I doubt that anyone would join the service at this time just to get a girl. Lets face it things are pretty bad right now. The fact that he is willing to lay his life on the line for our freedom and safety says alot about him regardless of his past.

I would just stay friends and see where life takes you. And no matter who you end up with later in life nothing can replace those friends who have known you from your youth, those people who you have history with, the ones who shared the good times and the bad.


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## StaceyRosado (Oct 5, 2007)

respect is a huge deal to me. Once you show me disrespect (cheating on you would be an example) it will take quite a bit for me to even think about respecting you again. And even that would require the person to explain how they have changed appologize and ask my forgiveness. I dont mess around with respect! 

if someone is willing to admit to their mistakes and seeking forgiveness I am all for second chances :hug: 

I also will forgive people even if they don't ask --- doesnt mean I respect them but I dont carry the weight of what happend with me, I choose to let go. Otherwise it will only hurt me more to not do so.


Sorry dont mean to be preachy, just kind of dealing with some respect issues with others myself right now.


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## Amos (Oct 2, 2008)

I agree with you on that Stacey; respect is a huge part of any relationship.

Not to contridict you at all Tog, (and I have family that have been in the service) but that may not always be the case, I have heard some pretty sad stories about what a couple of U.S. soldiers have done over there that was 'unlawful' even in war.

Just because he seems like he's turned his act around does not mean he is right for you Crissa.


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## goatnutty (Oct 9, 2007)

I agree Amos that you must respect each other for any relationship to work. I would talk to him but not jump to conclusions and wouldn't jump into a relationship. My aunt had been woth the sam man for 13+ years but he is horrible to her. They have to kids but she's too afraid to leave him.


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## Crissa (Oct 7, 2007)

Thanks everyone. Everything hit me hard yesterday and I wound up having to go home from school due to a panic attack. I am stressing myself out over stuff I cannot change. I need to find a way to calm down. (Spending time with the goats would be great, but I have to study for finals) I haven't gotten to see my horse in forever, fixing to move her to another friends place. (long story) And I feel very alone somedays. :sigh:


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## Amos (Oct 2, 2008)

:hug:


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Crissa...there are so many other ...fish in the sea.....you are a beautiful young women ..that has time to find ..the love of your life.....believe me.... jumping in to quickly....at a young age does not work ....especially when you try .....to believe... it will work ...even when there are problems....well the problems do not get better... they only worsen ...I married very young and divorced very young...  ..I went through boyfriends....then finally found... my DH ...that I have been with for 20 years.....yep 20..  
good things come to those who wait...and to be certain that he is the one.....that way you won't waste time in between ...LOL :thumbup:


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## sparks879 (Oct 17, 2007)

Crissa, I would have to say guys are the most confusing species ont he planet. I definatly know what you are going through...from personal experience. the best thing i can tell you to do is stay friends with him, though sometimes thats easier said then done. I dated a man for four years. We started out really good friends. his sister was really good friends with a good friend of mines boyfriend. And we started hanging out. Things turned into more and we ended up dating for four years. Talked about getting married but always put it off until both of us were ready. He had a drug past but had cleaned up and was doing absolutly great ( ia always knew there was a chance that he could get back into it) Well one day it did happen. I deidnt hear from him for nearlya month. Was in a horrible state over it. then i found out why he wasnt contacting me. We ended it there. I tried to help him but realized i couldnt help someone who didnt want to be helped. He had to do it on his own though i was absolutly terrified i was going to find out something horrible happened to him. 
Here we are two years later and i have realized i still have feelings for the man that i dated, the one the wasnt doing drugs. he has sinse cleaned up ad been clean for eighteen months again. We have hung out sinse then and friends tell me that i still look at him the way i used to. It made it even worse when he told me he still felt the same way and that he kicks himself everyday for giving our life together up for some stupid drugs. 
He is moving back to the island from richland and i dont know how things are going to work out. Im sure my friends would tell me i was stupid if we dated again, but frankly you cant hide feelings. And if he is still the same guy that i dated before and keep himself clean things might just be good again. 
What im saying is that if the feelings are there keep him, not neccissarily dating him but as a friend. You can go throuh some of the worst things together and the friends will come out on top. Trust is a huge thing for me. a relationship is an uphill battle, but like others have said youre young yet and there are plenty of fish in the sea. but feelings are real and sometimes you just cant ignore them. If you do you may just end up with someone that just wasnt meant to be.
Good luck I'll be thinking about you!
beth


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## sweetgoats (Oct 18, 2007)

Crissa,

I can not tell you really anything more then what was already said. 

I say leave it in the lords hands. Ask him to help you and he will. 

As for the boyfriends, Hun you are so young and it is very hard to have your heart broken, but really believe me it is best to have it broken now rather then later in a very dab relationship. 

Crissa, Please do not let this work you up like it has. Hold your head high and be proud that you are smarter then they are.
A do agree with try to be friends. It makes life a lot easier. My DD was in a relationship with a WONDERFUL guy for two years. I just new he was going to be my SIL and i could not ever be happier. Well she decided that he was NOT the one and broke up with him because he became in a bit controlling. He was pretty mad that she was looking at colleges that were not local only because she was looking for the college that would give her the best education that she was looking for. She was not looking to get married she was looking for a education. (More to it but you get the just). Well we see him all the time and I go give him a hug every time I see him because he is just a great guy. Well, he will not even talk to my DD and if he see's her he walks the other way. He has said he can not look at her because he is still so hurt. 
Now the final breakup was because he said he could not trust her. All because she met a guy at a FBLA state competition and she was stalking to him. He felt that she was cheating because she talked  . 
My daughter does not have a LOT of female friends. She like to hang out with guys and they are like all her best friends because she says girls are so girls and she can not stand all the back stabbing and crap that goes on with girls. She says that guys just make better friends and if any guy does not understand that then he is not for her.

OK, I went way off course. What I am trying to say. BE YOURSELF. Be the sweet loving Crissa that we all know and love. Make sure you are true to yourself and do not change for anyone. :hug:


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## Crissa (Oct 7, 2007)

I guess I should have been more clear. That the boyfriend issue was not one of the reasons I stressed out the other day. I've come to the conclusion that what is meant to be will be, I just have to be patient and see what happens and not rush things. I just freaked out over him going to the Marines, my other ex all of a sudden showing up, finals for school, my family having a rough time, moving my horse, making sure the goats are nice and warm for the winter, and probably some other stuff that I'm not remembering at this moment. 

Thanks everyone.

Sparks~ That sounds just about right. I know I still have feelings for him that may or may not go away only time will tell. 

sweetgoats~ I hang out with guys more than girls as well, I'm just nothing like many of the girls around here and I can talk more easily to guys. :shrug: 

I really appreciate everyone's support it means alot.


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