# Anyone else married to a big baby?



## milk and honey (Oct 31, 2010)

I can't really talk to people that know us...so I will vent a little on here! I had the audacity to tell my husband that I wanted him to apologize to me. It was , of course a financial issue...and a great deal of debt had been kept from me. (Not that I had asked) now when my mother left me an amount that to me seemed like a fortune...it has been used to pay off our debts, reducing it to 1/7th the amount. So no new car, no trip to England to see our daughter, no buying a piece of property....and had he died, (he's 15 years older than I) I would have been left a whopper of a surprise! 
He got so mad that he said he was leaving for a few days. 
Jokes on him, I thought "oh good! Whole house to myself!"


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## happybleats (Sep 12, 2010)

OH boy..so sorry for the situation...maybe the few days of peace will do some good 

there should never be secrets in marriage...especially ones that effect both parties like finances!..hopefully when things settle down, you two can sit down and discuss everything...


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

I'm sorry you are having problems. Hopefully a few days apart will help.


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## MylieD (Sep 16, 2013)

I think I'd take my 1/7th remaining money and take myself away for a few days.  Hopefully when he comes back, he will have thought about it and will do more than apologize. Maybe dishes for the next 10 years.


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## deerbunnyfarm (Dec 14, 2015)

Aww so sorry.  That stinks. Within the first six months of my marriage I found out that DH had a maxed out credit card I never knew about. That wasn't a fun night, and we weren't even married when he maxed it out! I'd be fuming if I were you for sure. 

A few days and a whole lotta space can do a world of good, too.


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## nicolemackenzie (Dec 27, 2014)

Sorry that is very frustrating.

Has communication been an ongoing issue? Was it debt from before you met/married?

I think cooling off is good. Fighting mad isn't good ( neither is bottling it up)

When you are both calm sit down and talk about it. Try to use I statements instead of accusations. I was hurt to find out about this debt, I had hoped to do X with this money so I felt both angry that the debt was hidden and upset because now I (we) can't do X with the money, I want us to be able to discuss important subjects so we can make decisions together.

If he won't talk/ doesn't get it then I strongly recommend counseling. It's not just for "crazy" people although you may feel odd needing help. Sometimes you need an unbiased third party to help you both hear each other.

Good luck.


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## deerbunnyfarm (Dec 14, 2015)

Major agreement on the counseling!! ^^^

We've only been married for five years and have probably spent four of them in counseling. :laugh:  Seriously though!! We're both incredibly glad we have worked on our communication and also our attitudes with a professional. Absolutely no shame in that, actually it's a great source of pride for us now!


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## milk and honey (Oct 31, 2010)

Thanks everyone. I'm doing fine...wanting an apology was my way of attempting a closure to this, but apparently he didn't see that. I kinda feel like if he doesn't feel he needs to make one then I'm off the hook to forgive  (like God would let me get away with that one...)


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## nicolemackenzie (Dec 27, 2014)

Counseling was so good for my marriage. We understand each other better now and our communication has improved drastically. We've only been married 4 years.


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## Jessica84 (Oct 27, 2011)

Oh goodness I would be livid as well. Not just because of the lack of communication but for rather leaving then say sorry. I am such a hard headed brat, I admit that, and even I would have given a sorry over that.
I pretty much agree with everyone here but would add get you 1/7 and put some place for YOU!! I know that sounds like a mean move but even my husband and I have a pretty good relationship and I have a small amount set aside that only I can touch just in case.


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## milk and honey (Oct 31, 2010)

Thanks...been married over 30 years which makes me feel ancient, but he has PTSD and it certainly brings issues to the table... Anyway I'll just take care of the animals and hug my goats in the meanwhile.


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## nicolemackenzie (Dec 27, 2014)

Ugh PTSD is rough. Sorry


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## deerbunnyfarm (Dec 14, 2015)

I have PTSD too, so I definitely can understand why he wanted to get outta there and take a few days break. 


Hang in there, girl!!


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

I am so sorry.

I would take the remainder and move it. Invest it into something so interest adds to it or use other investment options out there. So it can regrow. 
Only put it in your name so he cannot touch it.


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