# At a loss...



## littlelo (Aug 19, 2013)

So I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. We've had our ups and down as every relationship has...some downs were really down there it felt. But we made it through and I thought we could beat anything. Sunday he was just telling me what a lucky guy he is to have me. Well Monday a guy from work texted me while I was out at the barn taking care of the animals. He wanted to know if I remembered I was taking him to our offsite location the next morning. My boyfriend saw the text was from a guy he didn't know and asked me who it was. I told him a guy from work who didn't know how to get to the other location and I was giving him a ride. He asked why. I said his wife needs the car. Then he got upset with me and accused me of changing my story and lying. He was pretty much accusing me of running around on him. I was shocked. I couldn't even speak. I love this man so so much. There is no way I would ever do anything to hurt him. He told me maybe I wasn't cheating but something fishy was going on and there was nothing I could say. I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed for an hour. He wouldn't speak to me the rest of the night. He went to bed and closed the door. I took him his cell phone and told him I was leaving ( I have my own apartment) I kissed his forehead and he told me he would talk to me tomorrow. I said I love you and got no reply. I started to cry again and left. When I got to the end of his road he had texted me he loves me too. 
Yesterday I didn't hear from he expert when he got out of work close to midnight that he's going home and going to bed. We are supposed to go up north hunting this weekend. His friend came over last night to see what to do with the animals. So he didn't cancel that. When I asked him if I am still joining him (he's going up today and i was suppose to leave tomorrow after work) he didn't answer. I don't know what to do now. 

Just needed to vent to some people who don't know either of us. Thanks for reading and I guess if you have any advice or words of wisdom I'll listen.


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

I would be very careful about a man who gets so jealous. My DH is never threatened by me having some type of contact with other men. 

A friend of mine has a husband like that and he gets physically abusive when he is jealous.


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## wildegoats0426 (Aug 30, 2013)

My boyfriend of 3 years does the same. I'm right there with you girl!


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## ThreeHavens (Oct 20, 2011)

I agree ... it's normal to be a little concerned but there should be a basis of trust. His reaction seemed a little too much for something so small. I'm so sorry, wish I could give you a real life hug. :hug:


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## Chopsgoats (Aug 20, 2013)

Where trust is, love can flourish


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## happybleats (Sep 12, 2010)

Its time for a talk..a sit down, no interuption talk...clear the air...a strong reaction like that over something so small can be a sign something else is going on... maybe he is struggling with where you are going as a couple, your long term plans, something going on at work and he lashed out at you or, dare I say, the affection of another...sometimes the one who accuses is because he is feeling guilty...not that he is having an affair..just perhaps thinking of the grass being greener on the other side..again, committment issues..
dont go into the conversation accusing...just simple state how shocked you were at his outburst and jelousy and want to know whats going on...let him talk it out..listen with out speaking, then whenhe is done, your turn...keep it to the topic..dont bring up past issues..just whats going on right now...
best wishes


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## NoahEm (Sep 19, 2013)

happybleats said:


> , the affection of another...sometimes the one who accuses is because he is feeling guilty...not that he is having an affair..just perhaps thinking of the grass being greener on the other side..again, committment issues..


Couldn't have said it better myself happybleats... Trust is SO important. With out it you don't really have a chance. Just my honest opinion. And yes, do be careful.. Jealousy goes hand in hand with abuse (physical and emotional) most times.


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## littlelo (Aug 19, 2013)

This is a first time happening with the jealousy. It's just floored me. I don't know if I should just leave him alone or contact him. Like I said, he's going up north today and I was/am suppose to join him tomorrow


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## Goats Rock (Jun 20, 2011)

I was married to someone that started out like that. He got super possessive, jealous and started reading my mail. (this was way before internet or cell phones). 
He checked my milage before I left for work daily, hit re-dial on the phone and lots of other things. (I had done nothing to deserve his actions). Turns out, he had a girlfriend on the side. 
If they are accusing you of something, sometimes you need to look at what they are doing. 

I certainly hope that he is just going through a rough spot, but maybe you should start preparing your self. Life is way too short to be miserable or worried you 
might say or do the wrong thing. That is no way to live! Like happybleats said, maybe it's time for a talk! Good luck to you! A lot of us have been in your shoes!


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## happybleats (Sep 12, 2010)

Its best to talk to him when you are lone, no friends no interuptions...if this is the first time ever he has acting this way..then something is up..stress can make our skin thin and cause us to lash out when otherwise we never would. what ever is up, its better to talk about it now then wait and see if it happens again...or worse..
best wishes


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## GoatieGranny (Jul 26, 2013)

I, too, was married to a jealous man for 10 years. He was physically and emotionally abusive. He never had reason to be, but even if another guy looked at me he went into a rage. Very scary. I escaped 29 years ago, and am married to an angel now. I'm not saying your man is going to be abusive, but please be careful. It was a horrible time in my life and it breaks my heart to know others face the same treatment. 

With that said, I would advise you to always mention or even ask him if he minds if you do something that includes another man. Not that you need his permission, but if you are up front and open about it, his imagination might not be so active. (Not that you were hiding it, either. But he didn't know what the deal was if he wasn't told about it, so it scared him.) 

Concerning the trip up north, I would just let him know that you'd like to join him, but you understand if he needs some time alone, too. 

One other thing, when you have your talk with him, if you do, don't use any judgmental tones or words. Try to stay calm and matter of fact. Always try to see things from his point of view, too, so you can try to understand where he is coming from.


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## littlelo (Aug 19, 2013)

He seems to be over it now. We are still going up north. I think this was just something else that was bothering him. He's never done that to me before. Even when we do argue normally, he just shuts down and doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't yell or call me names. He just usually wants distance. 
Thank you all for your kind words and concerns. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart


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## wildegoats0426 (Aug 30, 2013)

Goodluck to you and have fun


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## TDG-Farms (Jul 12, 2013)

That **** is unacceptable. Anyone regardless of how I felt about em, when they pulled something like that I very sternly said to them. By getting jealous you are disrespecting me and more or less saying I am a untrustworthy. You are also saying you either dont have the confidence to keep me and or you cant trust yourself. Which makes be both disappointed and sad because I refuse to be withsome who acts like this. If we plan on staying together, this will never happen again.

You see, you never have to worry about me cheating. Because if its gets to the point where I want to, I would have already left.


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## GATA_Goats (Sep 19, 2013)

From a girl who has been cheated on, one of two things is going on. Because this was so drastic and sudden, he has met someone. He either has cheated or wants to. He is accusing you to give him a reason to break it off. My husband's ex did that and I've had an ex who did that too.


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## kccjer (Jan 27, 2012)

I"m sort of half and half in agreement with everyone here. If this was out of the blue, no warning, no previous issues with control....then something is going on with him. Maybe he is thinking about cheating, maybe he is super stressed at work, or whatever. Tell him everytime something like this is going to happen? Good suggestion, but.... What if you forget to mention it or it is a last minute thing that you don't have an opportunity to tell him about? Being one of those who usually shuts down in an argument and won't talk (yep, makes it hard and when I do blow...I really blow...not good at all) talking about it later probably isn't going to get you any answers because he is over it and won't want to talk about it now. But, you do need to try. If he is cheating or thinking about cheating, you're not going to get any answers out of him. But him not wanting to discuss it doesn't just equate to that scenario.  He knows how hurt you were by his accusation because you cried for an hour where he could hear you. Telling him how hurt you were probably won't make any difference. This weekend would be a good time to simply ask if he'd like to talk about the whole thing. If he says no, respect that. Try not to just keep at him for answers. Try paying a little closer to him and how he's acting. He may just be feeling very depressed over something and took it out on you (I tend to do that at times too) Being a one time event, doesn't concern me as much as if it happened all the time. Anyway, don't know if any of that made any sense or not. Good luck and have a great weekend!


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## lovinglife (Jun 6, 2013)

Don't just sweep this under the carpet, you had reason to post that on a message board so I believe there is a serious problem. I agree with TDG. And, having been in bad relationships myself I know how easy it is to dismiss that bad behavior and get back to happy, but it does not last, trust me....

Good luck I hope it goes well for you.


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