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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## happybleats (Sep 12, 2010)

Im so sorry...it never gets easier even after nearly 12 years..but I can say the joys out weigh the heart ache. Spend time with the others, its amazing how they can help heal your broken heart. Hang in there!!


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

Sorry you lost him. It is hard to lose them. You get attached quickly when you spend a lot of time caring for them.


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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## Suzanne_Tyler (Jul 19, 2014)

Oh I'm so sorry


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## Damfino (Dec 29, 2013)

This is how we do it--by realizing that the animals in our care do not belong to us. They simply pass through our lives for a little while and we have the privilege to love and care for them during that time. Some stay longer than others, but in the end we will say goodbye to each and every one. 

Death is as much a part of this journey as birth. It's not easy for sure, but as Cathy said, the joys outweigh the heartache. As hard as it is sometimes, I would not trade this life for any other. Often it is the sorrow that stretches us, teaches us, deepens us, shows us our humanity, and allows us to touch mortality on the one hand and eternity on the other. 

While I have no proof of this, I am utterly convinced that the animals we love have souls that endure beyond mortal life and that we will see them again in the next. Nothing you do from love is ever in vain.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

I am truly sorry for your loss.


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## catharina (Mar 17, 2016)

I'm so very sorry for what you & the baby went through! When someone is selling a whole batch of baby goats like that I often wonder what kind of care they've had, if they got colostrum, etc...I think you did a wonderful, exceptional job to keep almost all of them alive...many similar stories here have even sadder endings. I can see you are such a loving & attentive goat mommy. You'll always miss him but it becomes less painful as time goes by--you just have to wait & stay occupied; as far as I can tell there's nothing to hurry the process. I'm glad you still have lots of babies to love, & the comfort of knowing you did everything you could to save him. He knew you cared. :rose:


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## mariarose (Oct 23, 2014)

catharina said:


> He knew you cared. :rose:


 Yes, This.


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## goat girls (Dec 13, 2017)

[QUOTE="cnoel, post: 2045434, member: 31119")

I'm a mess. People keep telling me that this is just one of the harsh realities of raising goats, but I'm struggling to accept that.

How do you deal with this type of loss????[/QUOTE]
First I am truly so sorry I had a kid do this to me this year. And I do't deal with it I think I'm over it then tears come back. One more thing it never gets easier 
These are the fun momments your in the kid pen and they start doing this:run:


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Loss is hard. 

We have to let it out and cry, if you feel like crying, never hold it back. It is OK to hurt.  
It may get a bit easier to accept with time. But we all have had bad years, I know I did last kidding season, almost gave up, but then looked at my goats and said no, I have to keep hoping next time will be better.

With all animals, we have to deal with death, there is no getting around it. After the hard times, grieving and prayers, hold your head up and say, "Things will get better".

We are here for you.


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## mariarose (Oct 23, 2014)

Beautiful.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Thank you.


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## goat girls (Dec 13, 2017)

Last year was hard for me as well 11 kids born 3 survived


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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

Whoa, that was long!! Sorry to get carried away. Like I said- this has been on my mind A LOT lately.


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## goat girls (Dec 13, 2017)

I'm sorry for what you have been through as well. There is a place in in my heart that no other goat will touch exept for my first goat's first kid a doeling that died from polio at 2 days old






my doe as a second freshener i can't find a pic of her first kid.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

I am sorry for the loss Samantha. 

Wow cnoel, you have been through a lot with goat issues. I highly commend you on trying so hard to save them. Not getting a good start in life is sad, and how anyone would subject them to that kind of treatment and no colostrum.  They were so lucky to have you in their lives, they were loved before they died, that is better than what they had before.

And yes, look at what you accomplished from such bad health issues of what the goats endured. 
All I can say is wow, you have so many alive and thriving now. 

If it wasn't for your love, strength and passion to save them, they wouldn't be here today. 
Good work and yes give yourself credit, you really deserve it. Be proud and look at what you have in front of you. 

I'd love to see pics of them if you get the time. They are true miracles of life.


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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## Suzanne_Tyler (Jul 19, 2014)

Wow, you have been through a lot with them. You have done an amazing job  They look great!


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## loggyacreslivestock (Mar 5, 2013)

They are lucky to have you! They all look very content and healthy. Congrats on making it through all of that! Most people would have thrown in the towel. Enjoy your boys. Goats bring such joy to my life and hopefully yours as well.


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## bamaherd (Jun 14, 2017)

I am so sorry for your loss. 

I truly believe some of us are put on this earth to care. I am definitely one. Those of us with this purpose have a steep price. We care to the point that we are haunted. I have come to the conclusion that there are some things I am not meant to get over completely. I’m not a basket case but I find my thoughts drift towards certain losses. I had a special needs rooster who I had raised from a chick. He was a sweet heart. He will never escape my thoughts. 

People who care make the world a better place whether we realize it or not. Where there is care there is love. Never forget that!

I find comfort in knowing who I am and knowing that losses simply affect me more than most. That knowledge brings peace when I have painful memories or flashbacks. I am simply meant to remember and never forget. 

You’re care and love for innocent babies is a beautiful asset in a dark world. 

Blessings!!


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## goat girls (Dec 13, 2017)

They are so cute!


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## Goats Rock (Jun 20, 2011)

You are to be commended for your dedication and love! Not all breeders are as ignorant as the one you had to deal with, but some sure are.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Aww, they look great and well loved. Good work..
Thank you for sharing your miracles with us.


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## TexasGoatMan (Jul 4, 2015)

You are a keeper girl! Most people would have folded and gave up. Only people with true love would have hung in there. Our Heavenly Father has touch you through this and made you realize how special life is.


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## Keepsake (Apr 8, 2017)

I am so sorry for your loss I have lost two of my own goats, both young babies. 
One was a few years back my first goat ever, he was the sweetest little thing. We bought him as a bottle baby and he was going strong. I had him maybe a week, and I started noticing little bugs on him. He was really attached to me, I was his mother. I was really attached to him to... He would follow me everywhere, and cry when I left him for a few hours to go to school or run errands. He soon became ill with diarrhea and he was crying nonstop at night and when I would retrieve him he would be shaking, he refused for anyone else to hold him but me. He was around 3 weeks old and within one week of me having him we developed the strongest bond... he was my heart goat. After the crying and shaking night, he seemed fine. I went to school the next day and came back so excited to see my baby boy. I walked in the house and called his name... (he was a house goat until big enough to go outside). I expected to see my baby boy running to me with his little diaper sagging along. Nothing happened. My dad then called down to me from upstairs saying he had passed away, they believed it was seizure. To this day I will never forget him, he is one of the hearts to my farm, and forever he has a part in my heart along with all my other animals that have passed away.
The second goat I lost was just this recent Christmas day she was stillborn, she may have froze to death, I am unsure. I was not out there on time....  but even though I never met her it broke my heart to see her lying there, not moving. 
I am sorry for this long post, I hope you guys took the time to read it because these goats meant a lot to me even though I only met and spent time with one of them.


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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

I am so sorry you are going through so much, prayers sent.

Do you have any friends who live in an area that can house goats temporary? Within the Code ordinance rules? So you can get them out of there.

First, have a place to take them to. http://www.mda.state.mn.us/animals/livestock/local-livestock-ordinances.aspx

Can you prove the goats are yours?
If so, call the authorities to go get your goats. 
They can be there when you want to collect them.
It is against the law for someone to hold (livestock) from the owner(you). That is theft.
Tell them your ex is not taking care of them and you are concerned they are going to die and he will not allow you to see them, feed, water or doctor them.

Having some kind of proof will help. 
If you do not, it will make things harder and it will go to court, or you will have to call animal control and have the goats removed from there, if animal control see's, they are not being cared for properly. Not sure if you can go claim them at the point or not without proof?


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## goat girls (Dec 13, 2017)

If you can get the person to sign a paper saying that you bought these animals from them on x date you can take that paper to the animal welfare office tell them the situation they can help you find a place to keep your goats, go to your ex's take the goats and help you find land to keep them on permanently. If the goats are yours he can't legally keep them!


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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## Steampunked (Mar 23, 2015)

Please don't be embarrassed. This is in no way your fault. I'm going to say it outright - your boyfriend is emotionally abusive. It's a typical pattern for abusers to use pets to control their partner, including purchasing animals 'for us' where the abuser does nothing but utilises their presence. He's holding animals hostage in order to keep you coming back to him. By this point, he might feel there is a relationship, but you know there isn't one any more.

The fact you describe it as a 'storm of anger' is concerning. There absolutely are resources for partners in your position, and they are well used to animals being used as a control mechanism. I'd call numbers in your area (sorry, am in Australia so not sure who to contact) and ask them for advice. I hope people on this forum can provide something more local.

I honestly doubt he will 'do the right thing' if you lay low - you laying low is the behaviour that he wants. The moment you change this, he'll do it all over again.

I repeat, this is in no way your fault.


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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## catharina (Mar 17, 2016)

Wow, that is so sad, & been there, done that...though thankfully did not have any goats for them to hold hostage! Your stress levels must be through the roof! My suggestion would be to call your local battered women's shelter & ask about how they advise women who need to return home to get belongings...I know they will tell you not to go there alone! Sounds like verbal/mental abuse is a given here, but if there was physical abuse you should know that it is at this point that you are in the most danger...this is when women get murdered. He sees the last of his control over you is being taken from him. So anyway I would see if you can have a cop meet you there--at least in my state they will do that, just stand there for a certain amount of time. You may or may not need to have a restraining order for them to do this. This is where the domestic abuse counselor can help you. & yes, you are being abused. It doesn't have to be physical. So sorry you are going through this....


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## catharina (Mar 17, 2016)

Oh, on a less dreary note--I have more than once found free land for my goats--I advertise "free brush & weed control" by friendly goats. I also include in the ad that I am willing to repair/upgrade fencing & will provide all care--all they have to do is look out the window & watch the goats play! It has worked out quite well for me--I hope you can find something like that. If there is enough land the goats can continue to "work" indefinitely, & if it's a small lot you can run another ad when you need to--or start bringing hay. Good luck to you--you know you are tough, now you need to be brave! You can do this!


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## catharina (Mar 17, 2016)

Sounds like the ex likely doesn't have any proof of ownership of the goats either, right? Hopefully the state of neglect they are found in will back up your word that they are yours. Do you have any photos of yourself with them? Vet bills you have paid?


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## goat girls (Dec 13, 2017)

animal welfare WILL take them if he's not taking proper care of them


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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## goat girls (Dec 13, 2017)

he would have to have written proof


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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Even if they are jointly owned, as that may be what the outcome will be.
I would tell animal control to go look at them, as you feel they are being neglected and you as an owner too, are concerned they may die there, as you broke it off with that man. He will not allow you to check on them. Ask animal control, if they can impound them and you can go claim them, to get them in a better environment for care. If these animals are not looking healthy, thin, have really dirty water, not fit for any animal ect, they may take them. Find out your rights. You don't have to say up front who you are, just ask questions from a blocked number, or some other phone number.


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## catharina (Mar 17, 2016)

How are you doing, Noel? We are here for you.


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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## goat girls (Dec 13, 2017)

Oh I'm so glad that you where able to see them. I bet they where happy to see you too!


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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## Korita (Jan 11, 2018)

@cnoel I just came across your post. I'm am SO happy to hear about him letting you take the goats!!!!!! Through reading your post though, I'm wondering where you're from as I remember seeing a post on a fb group about looking for wooded land to rent. I'm in NW Iowa (about 20 minutes from MN border) so it may have been you? I'm also curious if you know where your boys came from. My bucklings were from St. James that came from a dairy (in Wisconsin I think) that they get rid of the boys. I've been battling issues with them. If there is any way I can help please let me know! Best of luck to you.


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## Korita (Jan 11, 2018)

Ok so not trying to be a creepy stalker but I realized it was on cl that I saw your post. Unfortunatley I’m a little over 3 hours from where you need to be. But my sister lives in Minneapolis and I’ll ask her if she has friends with land in the area that could house goats for a while.


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## Korita (Jan 11, 2018)

Ok so crazy stalker here again  My sister doesn’t know if anyone off hand. But.... I forwarded you Craigslist add to her. She can put it on her Ameriprise listing that will hit everyone in her company if that’s ok. Also, her godmother lives in your area so she’s asking her if she knows if anyone with land. My sister’s best friend in Minneapolis comes from a goat farm by Albert lee so she’s asking him if he knows of anyone in your area too that could possibly help. 

Again, I hope I’m not crossing boundaries here but I hate to see those boys get sick again with all you’ve been through and I believe it takes a village to raise kids (human and goat-like) so I’m hoping maybe getting some extra feelers out there for you may help you find something.


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## Korita (Jan 11, 2018)

@cnoel have you had any luck?


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## cnoel (Apr 3, 2017)

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## TexasGoatMan (Jul 4, 2015)

So sorry to hear about your dad. Certainly happy to hear that he is doing better and I pray for his complete recovery. God bless you and family.


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## Korita (Jan 11, 2018)

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I’m glad he’s doing better! Hopefully it’s all uphill from here for your dad and your boys.


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## Alex Kimoto (Dec 16, 2017)

Sometimes I forget just how amazing the goat community is. Then I read posts like these! You are all amazing! And @cnoel I am so happy for you! I would totally let you put your goats in our acre of land, it only has 3 goats right now... but sadly we live in Utah, so that won't work hahaha

And @Korita you are absolutely amazing. How quickly you went to action and took time out of your life for @cnoel and her babies... bless you! (And your goats haha)

#faithinhumanityrestored


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Prayers sent for your dad and family to get through this.
Glad he is doing OK.


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