# Setting children's expectation about death on the farm



## hallsthirdacrefarm (Mar 30, 2011)

I'm just curious. I have a very sensitive daughter (7 going on 8 years old). We had to put our buck down right around new years and she still prays every night that God takes good care of him and her Nana (GRandmother who died of cancer 2 years ago) ...and now we are losing several older hens to the cold. One was "her favorite" apparently and she cried for 6 hours when we told her and was weepy again this morning...

I've had "talks" about how chickens really don't live that long and she needs to understand that while she certainly should enjoy them, its good to expect that they can die and probably will not live for years and years like our dogs and cat.

When our buck died, he had been sick, so she understood he needed to be put down...I think...

But when we eventually move and grow our "operations" (of course she'll be older) but death is going to be something dealt with more often. In fact I would LOVE to raise some meat birds this year...but don't simply because she gets so attached...no matter what we tell her it seems...

lol...even though she knows all her meats and what animal she is eating...


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## happybleats (Sep 12, 2010)

we moved from the city to country life nearly 9 years ago...Dealing with death doesnt necessarly get easier, but just accepted a bit more...sounds like you have dealt with it well and in explaining to your daughter what to expect. . There is no easy trick to make it less painful on them..we raise Lamb, turkey and chicken for meat. We dont name the ones we plan on putting in the freezer ( learned the hard way..."mom, are we eating Tanner?") yep..no names!!
I think you are doing just fine in helping her understand and deal with death...I wouldnt hide it from her...raise your meat birds...she does not have to be there for butchering day, I do not allow my 8 and 10 year old out there yet ( my 10 year old is special needs, other wise she would be old enough) But they know what's happening and understand thats our food...so its a process...I feel its Better to be upfront and honest and help our kiddos deal with each death...We had to put down my 13 year olds Mini Donkey she had been training. It was a very close and personal loss for her..He was very ill..there was no getting him well...she grew a little more that day...I think its healthy for her to pray for them, Your daughters sensativity will only hep withher compassion toward the raising and caring for the animals...: )


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## loggyacreslivestock (Mar 5, 2013)

I agree with Cathy.
I too have two young kids, 9 and 12. They understand that not everyone or everything gets to live a long healthy life. They learned a hard lesson 4 years ago when my Dad died of a brain tumor at age 52. They watched him struggle and get sicker and sicker. However, as a health care provider, they have long heard me talk about things like this and how unfair, but true they are.
Just be honest with her and reassure her that God loves all his creations. Human and animal alike. He gives them to us to be stewards of and then He watches over them when they go back home. He provided us with them for not only companionship, but food and resources. 
She will grow to be a strong compassionate young woman because of her experiences. It is those who are hidden and lied to about death and sickness who grow up fearful and afraid of it.


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## IvyMayPygmyGoats (Jan 24, 2014)

From being in her position, i'd say that over time you do get used to it, i used to write letters and choose toys to bury with our animals, and i still pray a little every night just to remind them that i haven't forgotten about them. but that's just me, i'm very respectful like that, i'd say just comfort her and offer her to make a little letter or something next time this happens. I'm 14 now and my eldest hen (my first) got killed at the age of 11, i cried of course and i still feel sad thinking about it now, but i understand it's what happens and i'm grateful i got to let her have such a lovely life, it's what makes me feel better. I just have to let them know that they were loved and they will be missed.. So like i've said, i think she will grow up getting used to it, but it doesn't go away.. (i've been told i have attachment issues) xx


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## canyontrailgoats (Jan 4, 2014)

I found that it helps to tell little kids about the ongoing cycle of life. Yes, animals will die, but there are always more being born to take their place. It's harder if it was the child's pet or friend, but you have to insist that death must happen as the cycle continues...
If say an old dog dies I will explain to the kid that as sad as it is it was the dogs time to go, then I show or buy them a puppy. I tell them that their dog died because it was time for this puppy to take over and continue the life the other lost. It's good to keep the subject honest and logical.
If they're really sensitive you can still say they went to heaven!


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## Darlaj (Dec 10, 2013)

Great advice all around I would say! 
We really are lucky people


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## kccjer (Jan 27, 2012)

I have found that being honest is best. You can say they went to heaven but don't try to sugar coat it. I really think children understand more than we think. WE feel bad and want to comfort them and instead end up making them feel worse. As said above explain it to them. Let them process and ask questions. Answer the questions as honestly as you can...no matter what the question. I've seen people try to hide death from kids and they never get to learn. They need to mourn just like we do. It's just hard....very hard...for us as parents to watch our children hurt that much.

Carmen, Oleo Acres LLC, NW Ks


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## Goats Rock (Jun 20, 2011)

I grew up on a dairy farm, still live there! Anyway, we had many cats around. Most were too wild to pet, but they always showed up at milking
for a few pans of milk. Then we could pet them, briefly! Inevitably, a cat would get squashed by a cow, run over by a tractor, the dog would kill
any he could catch, hit by cars, etc. and every single cat I found dead I cried my eyes out for the poor kitty, my favorite, etc. (I'd probably never even seen
that particular cat, but it was my favorite!). (I was 8 or 9 yrs old.). Eventually, I learned to accept that death was part of life. I hated the concept of death, it 
scared me, but eventually I understood that everything dies. You just have to give the animal the best life they can have, no matter how short. 

It is hard to explain to kids about death. You are doing a great job!


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## MsScamp (Feb 1, 2010)

My parents had a strange combination of honesty and protection when it came to this kind of thing. They never tried to sugar-coat anything, lie about it, or cover it up, but if we didn't know about it they didn't bring it up. Having been raised on a ranch, I saw a fair amount of death and Mom and Dad approached it in a matter-of-fact, honest way that they felt we could understand and accept. I remember Dad sitting down with my sister and I and explaining why he was going to have to put down a calf - her name was Little One - that we had been bottling due to frozen feet. He just explained the situation in terms we could understand. We didn't like it, but understood that it was the best thing for the calf. I was about your daughter's age, my sister was 2 years younger. He did the same thing when our favorite horse colicked, rolled off an embankment and broke his back. My sister and I found him. Dad put him down, then asked what we wanted to do with Spook's body. Neither of us wanted the coyotes eating him so Dad called the pet food place to come and get him. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but thought it might be helpful to you in some way.


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## springkids (Sep 12, 2013)

I also have 2 daughters they are almost 14 and 12. We have had goats and a few other animals pretty much their entire lives. I agree with being honest and up front with them and teaching them the cycle of life. My dad always explained to me that when God takes something away that He replaces it with something else. I think her praying shows she already knows that.

I think kids also reach the age at about 7 years old where they realize they could die or mommy or daddy could die. I know my girls did and it is very scary for them. My girls were always very sensitive about dead or hurt animals. It could be a rabbit in the road 10 miles from home that bothered them. Me and my hubby just tried to explain to them that its ok to be sad and cry. That shows compassion and caring and as they get older they will still get sad but they understand. 

Two years ago my daughters bottle raised a orphaned lamb and sold him that fall for meat and to make a profit. My youngest daughter is a avid hunter. The last two seasons she has killed 11 deer one of those was her first nice buck. Because of her love for hunting she can help provide deer meat to several families each year who don't or can't hunt.

So I feel like your daughter is well on her way of being a caring and compassionate person.


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## IFFGoats (Apr 8, 2013)

canyontrailgoats said:


> I found that it helps to tell little kids about the ongoing cycle of life. Yes, animals will die, but there are always more being born to take their place.


"The Circle Of Life" Song off the lion king. That scene in the movie helped my little brother except death (a little better).


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## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

My young brother and sister used to be very upset about animals that would die. Now they are just as sad, but handle it calmly. I think she needs to work through it and she will eventually be able to view death objectively, though I'm sure it will always make her sad.
I'm an adult, and I'm sad every time I see death - whether it's a drowned earthworm, a squashed roach, or a chicken I'm killing for food. 
We can't help but wonder why. Lately I think I've begun to see a little of the "why" of death and suffering. It is truly amazing how God can turn something "bad" into something better than we could have imagined. :hug:


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