# Rant/ advise maybe



## Jessica84 (Oct 27, 2011)

I'm sure this is mainly a rant but any advise would be awesome because I'm about ready to loose my temper.
So back in October my son joined Boy Scouts. The leader never really took the time to explain the difference in class B shirts and class A shirts, what a den meeting was and a pack meeting and so on and so on so I was kinda over whelmed.
So this lady messages me and says her son is in the same pack as mine and if I had any questions feel free to ask her. I was over the moon she offered to help! So we came to be what I considered semi friends. Basically Boy Scout mom friends. So one day she invites us to church. I'm not a overly religious person I believe what I believe and I know I don't see exactly eye to eye with any set religion and I don't like the politics that go on here with different churches. BUT even though I choose not to go to church my son was curious about it so she offered to take the kids for me, so I let her.
A few hours after they got home she called and said her husband was having stomach pains can I watch her 3 kids. I don't do other kids at my house lol no other way to put it. I have fire arms that are locked up but still, I have vet supplies in a cabinet by the back door, horses that kick, cows that kick and can run over the top of you and on and on. My kids know what is a yes and a no. But I said yes and totally baby proofed my house and wouldn't allow them out side. Thank goodness my husband came home that evening so I could feed! 
So she offers to take the kids to church again I said yes. Again she calls me and asks if I can watch her kids so she can get her tattoo finished. Seeing a pattern here? I told her no I had plans. Actually what it was was I had a bunch of outside stuff to do and can't keep my eye on 5 kids. 
So later on during fall break she wants to know if my kids can stay the night. Stupid me I agree. When it's time to pick up my kids she asks if I can take all the kids because she had a freezer something or other party she was putting on. This time I had a truthful excuse and told her no my brother is visiting. 
So I finally get what's going on and turn down her offer every time she asks to take the kids to church or do this or that. Also tell her no when she asks to watch her kids. So I'm thinking we have things understood. Nope! She wanted us to come to her sons baptism. I warned her it's not 100% because I have goats due but I'll try. Ended up we couldn't go. She's asked if I wanted to do some kind of ladies night out and I reminded her I go no place when kids are due, basically till mid June I'm home!
So I've been posting pics of babies being born and all that. Pretty much at this point I don't want to be rude but I'm over her. She comments how her kids would love to play with the goats yatta yatta and I basically ignore her. So she just messages me and tells me she has 6 kids this week and she wants to bring them over when they get bored. I am SO annoyed right now! To the point that if my son didn't like Boy Scouts so much we would be out. I didn't choose to have her kids, I didn't agree to take on 3 more of her kids. I don't own a petting zoo and I have many times nicely explained that to her. I am trying so hard not to loose it at this lady because we have to deal with each other. Ignoring her isn't cutting it and I'm tired and over it all. If there was anything else in this small town for my son to do I would bribe him to stop Boy Scouts that's how annoyed I am with it all. I know she doesn't fully get how things are and what I do every day but she's not even trying to get it when I tell her. Just have to vent to someone since all I get from the husband is I'm sorry lol and I'm sure he's annoyed with me being annoyed


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## SalteyLove (Jun 18, 2011)

There is a goat dairy here in CT that has "open farm" days every single weekend during kidding season and allows the general public to come cuddle bottle kids that they pull...several weeks ago, 8 people including children come down with ecoli. Want me to send you the article so you can send it to her and say it's just not worth the risk? lol 

Thankfully everyone recovered and I wouldn't wish it upon any farm. What a nightmare. Ecoli is everywhere. I do allow certain friends and family to visit kids but mine aren't friendly, they are dam raised on pasture. Everybody gets pretty bored with them quickly when they aren't in your face. Certain acquaintences I simply ignore all the "my children would love it" comments.


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## Bree_6293 (Aug 4, 2014)

I just say my kids are not friendly and are dam raised, I also use the bio security stuff and say it's unsafe for my goats as well as their children and that we don't allow many people to the farm for biosecurity. I don't like heads of people on my farm as I have horses that can kick, dogs that are guard dogs, goats that will butt strangers (well only one - but o have 3 with massive horns that scare people if I say they will butt) and I don't want to be responsible for other people's kids! We have a paddock of bucks that I don't want kids in. In general I just don't like people at my farm and like it just being me and my partner and like 2 people, but they are adults that run goat farms too!


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

I just politely explain that my goats aren't friendly and may hurt someone. Your goats have horns, don't they?


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## NyGoatMom (Jan 26, 2013)

I understand your frustration! I have people stop quite often to see the animals. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with it too as I am busy with caring for them and running my own business! I do enjoy having kids over in short bursts because I like to teach them where their food comes from and such but if I had cattle, I would have very strict rules and a parent would have to be present at all times.
I have a rule that kids under ten are not allowed in my goat paddock because I have horned goats....those over ten have to have one of my family members present.And no one is allowed in with my bucks.
I have kids that are almost grown though so I have more adults to watch any kids..lol..and I don't babysit other peoples kids...period.


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## Jessica84 (Oct 27, 2011)

Well I might have to use that ecoli thing! Lol because she is just not getting it! And people are law suit happy. Although I'm sure it will be pointed out about my kids but seriously my kids have rolled around out there from the day they were born. Some of the things they find to play in makes even me green lol
But I've told her everything, other then the ecoli and she won't back off. Even if I was ok with them coming over it is such a pain to put off what I need to get done to entertain people right now. I haven't even put kids up for sale yet because I don't have the time for people to come over and look at them. And I don't want to say oh hang on sorry I have a doe I need to help out real fast. And OMG! I can't even imagine how her and those kids would take it if I had to go in and pull kids out. She asked me once if keith could watch the goats so I could go on one of the kids trip to go hiking and I even told her can you really see my husband putting his hand in a goats vagina and pulling a kid out? And the look of total disgust on her face. 
I'm really thinking I'm probably going to have to get down and rude with my crazy stalker here!


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## Jessica84 (Oct 27, 2011)

NyGoatMom said:


> I understand your frustration! I have people stop quite often to see the animals. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with it too as I am busy with caring for them and running my own business! I do enjoy having kids over in short bursts because I like to teach them where their food comes from and such but if I had cattle, I would have very strict rules and a parent would have to be present at all times.
> I have a rule that kids under ten are not allowed in my goat paddock because I have horned goats....those over ten have to have one of my family members present.And no one is allowed in with my bucks.
> I have kids that are almost grown though so I have more adults to watch any kids..lol..and I don't babysit other peoples kids...period.


These people are not going to be ok with the fact these are meat. These are seriously city people lol 
I do love kids, I'm probably not giving that impression here lol but she has a 2,5 and 9 year old. They are not bad kids it's just so over whelming when you throw in my 7 and 9 year old on top of it and I'm pretty sure I know what kids she has that she wants to bring and one is a baby, I would say a year, the other one is under 5 my guess is 3 and a stuck up little girl I would say is between my two kids so maybe 8. That's a lot of kids! There's just no way I want him here. I would go crazy even if it was that many kids and we were just sitting around doing nothing lol


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## jaimn (May 16, 2015)

Maybe she just recognizes that you are a Really Great Person and wants to be around you and your wonderful kids to improve her own life, and provide good influences for her children? It doesn't make it easy on you, but just a thought...  :shrug:


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## ThreeHavens (Oct 20, 2011)

I'm sorry to hear she's taking advantage of you. Time to put your foot down, I would just say "I'm sorry" and no. You can give her reasons, but in the end she is pushing you out of your comfort zone and taking advantage of your kindness. She may not mean it that way, but if you set up boundaries you can be comfortable in, you won't resent that aspect of the relationship anymore.


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## Jessica84 (Oct 27, 2011)

jaimn said:


> Maybe she just recognizes that you are a Really Great Person and wants to be around you and your wonderful kids to improve her own life, and provide good influences for her children? It doesn't make it easy on you, but just a thought...  :shrug:


:hugs: she is a nice person and I do enjoy talking to her she just pushes and I really don't live the life style to watch people's kids. I basically don't feel comfortable with them here and keeping them safe and the last thing I want is for a anyone to get hurt on my time.
But we had the talk I basically just ignored her but she sent me a message today so I just told her things are crazy right now, I've delivered 46 kids and I'm not even half way done and I'm trying to catch up on things in the middle of it. She replied the kids just want to see the babies. So I just told her a lot of the moms are protective over their kids so we can't just turn the kids loose with them. Which is the truth! My daughter got butted by one goat. She knew better and is fine lol and I'm sporting a bruise on my leg where the doe today didn't much like me trying to fish out her kids other leg and these goats know us!


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## NyGoatMom (Jan 26, 2013)

Did she take the hint?


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## Jessica84 (Oct 27, 2011)

I haven't heard anything back so I guess so lol I also did post on my fb page that from 3 am till 10pm ive had 8 babies so she might have seen just what I'm really talking about. And let me tell you Stephany I could have never made it without my hour nap lol!!! I think if the girls are good I just might do that again


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## Damfino (Dec 29, 2013)

I knew a couple who ran a huge horse farm and a several other businesses and had six kids ages 2-11. One time their kids had some friends over and the dad was doing haircuts that day. All the kids (including the friends) got put in the haircut assembly line in the barn where dad was shaving heads with a giant set of horse clippers. The friends' parents weren't real pleased when their kids all came home bald. I'm not sure, but I think he may even have shaved the girls' heads too. Maybe that could work in your situation, especially if you drop a little hint about how it helps to control head lice on a farm.


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## MylieD (Sep 16, 2013)

Have you straight up told her you don't do farm visits? I don't see that there needs to be a further explanation. It's your house. And people usually do like the favor of having your kids over their house, returned with their kids coming over your's. It does sound like she was being manipulative though by asking you to watch them on the spot. Normally it's like, Joe Bob visits Jr for a day and then a week lady Jr visits Joe Bob for a day. I'm all about being frank though. If you have a no kids at your house policy, say it straight up. Say it's for safety reasons. Say that your kids are more than welcome to do whatever with her kids, but you can not allow her's back over.

I'm total opposite of you, though. Lol. I love having people over, but I also have a little mini farm. I've brought animals right to cub scouts and have had the whole den come here. I even brought a handful of animals out to summer camp for one of the activities. Plus I prefer having the kids here. So I don't mind if no one wants to reciprocate. They can chill at my house all they want. And I have told people before that I'm not comfortable with my kids going over their house and I'd rather have the sleepover at mine too.


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## Jessica84 (Oct 27, 2011)

Damfino said:


> I knew a couple who ran a huge horse farm and a several other businesses and had six kids ages 2-11. One time their kids had some friends over and the dad was doing haircuts that day. All the kids (including the friends) got put in the haircut assembly line in the barn where dad was shaving heads with a giant set of horse clippers. The friends' parents weren't real pleased when their kids all came home bald. I'm not sure, but I think he may even have shaved the girls' heads too. Maybe that could work in your situation, especially if you drop a little hint about how it helps to control head lice on a farm.


Ok this made me laugh! Do doubt those parents were upset, I only laugh cause it wasn't my kids lol
No I'm sorry I don't think that it's fair that she asks to have my kids over because hers are driving her crazy and then expect me to take hers. I watched the kids the first time, one because she was in a jam and 2 because my kid was curious about church and I didn't have to take them but still the bottom line was she offered. The second time I was asked about church I said no because I had to catch some horse to sell and she asked if the kids could go. My kids don't drive me crazy, I can keep them occupied, believe me they learned to never tell me they are bored and I schedule everything I have to do that kids can't come along with while they are at school. Before school I paid for daycare. My son is 9 and the only time I ever have asked someone to watch my kids was when I had to have my daughter. I look at it as these are my kids my responsibility and I think what bothers me the most is not just the pushing but how easily she asks for me to watch her kids over stupid little things, like a tattoo, when she can do that while they are at school or while her husband is home.


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## Goats Rock (Jun 20, 2011)

I agree, just say NO! I also have had people like that! But, we are a milk shipping farm and due to bio-security, no one but my daughter that works for me, dh and myself ever enter the barn. I've made a few people mad, but either they will get over it or be a long time mad. I have way too much time and money in my farm, as we all do, to have it be destroyed by ignorant people.

Good luck with your persistent pseudo friend!


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## happybleats (Sep 12, 2010)

I didn't read everyone response, as my time on here is so limited right now... so please forgive if I say whats been said...

I understand how you feel...Im not a "babysitter" type either...and its nice to be there for her when an emergency..but she needs a full blown honest and direct discussion...something like

Im sorry if I didn't make myself clear before but I can not keep your kids, or anyones kids here on a regular basis...Im not open for babysitting, my time is full of farm work that keeps me outside busy and unable to keep an eye on them. I don't mean to sound rude, but my farm is not a place for kids or families to visit. we have bio-security for the safety of our animals and health concerns for the human visitors...I cant and I wont risk either...I love that our kids hit it off in Boy scouts and I hope we can have visit times when in meetings...but I really need you to understand....I don't have the free time nor patients for social events, visits or sleep overs. Its great my kids enjoy church and want to attend...but that, at this time, is not where Im at. I hope you understand...


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## happybleats (Sep 12, 2010)

> I'm sorry to hear she's taking advantage of you. Time to put your foot down, I would just say "I'm sorry" and no. You can give her reasons, but in the end she is pushing you out of your comfort zone and taking advantage of your kindness. She may not mean it that way, but if you set up boundaries you can be comfortable in, you won't resent that aspect of the relationship anymore.


__________________

wish we could double like a post!!!


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