# OK, my turn to vent now, and maybe a poll...



## Di (Jan 29, 2008)

So, I've known for awhile that my ex-husband has been watching my FB page. Not a problem per se, but now he's liking my pictures and commenting. This is a person who was an abusive, drunk, when I left him after 17 years of trying, to get myself organized and find a home for myself and my 12 yo son (he was to stay with his father till I got an apartment and a job). Took said son and left with no way to find them. I had a friend (cop) put a watch for him, he said if he got a new license or anything of that nature, we would find him. He used to call me in the middle of the night, drunk, and torture me when I asked where my son was. 

So, now it's been 20 years (I'm happily married to my DH John, and was reunited with my son after about 5 years and we have a great relationship now). So, I should "be over" it...but...I guess I'm not. 

I don't want to make my site private, it's a business site too. What would you do?


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## Goatnewbie101 (Nov 27, 2012)

Di said:


> So, I've known for awhile that my ex-husband has been watching my FB page. Not a problem per se, but now he's liking my pictures and commenting. This is the person who, was a drunk and abusive, when I left him after 17 years of trying, to get myself organized and find a home for myself and my 12 yo son (he was to stay with his father till I got an apartment and a job). Took said son and left with no way to find them. I had a friend (cop) put a watch for him, he said if he got a new license or anything of that nature, we would find him. He used to call me in the middle of the night, drunk, and torture me when I asked where my son was.
> 
> So, now it's been 20 years (I'm happily married to my DH John, and was reunited with my son after about 5 years and we have a great relationship now). So, I should "be over" it...but...I guess I'm not.
> 
> I don't want to make my site private, it's a business site too. What would you do?


I'm sorry for all the trouble he put you through  . I believe you can block him and that should stop him from posting on your site if he is being mean or rude you or maybe even just bothering you I think you can report him

Sent from my iPhone using GoatSpot


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## peggy (Aug 11, 2010)

Is there anyway to put a block on this person?


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## Di (Jan 29, 2008)

Well, he's not being abusive, actually he's being complimentary. But, it just brings back memories that I prefer not to have. I usually live by this motto "the best revenge is to live well". So, now I'm living well, I'm happily married, and have 100% of everything I need and 98% of everything I want. Not a bad life...so why does this make me feel so...furious? It's not like I'm ever going to be his "friend", he has a girlfriend, why does he want to upset me?

I guess I should "act my age" and just let it go. I'm 60 and he's older (71 now). He's showing it too! lol


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## serenityfarmnm (Jan 6, 2013)

You can block him... If you can't figure out how.... PM me


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

I would either block him or ignore him. He may be trying to get a rise out of you and I wouldn't give him the satisfaction with any type of response. I find one of the best ways to get rid of someone is to ignore them.


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## sweetgoats (Oct 18, 2007)

That is a tough situation that you are in.

 I will tell you that you are better than I am for sure. I am not sure I would have even thought to give him a look, or him a look. Maybe if he asked for forgivness of his actions and things from the past, then MAYBE I would let him see it. 

 God bless you for it all. I will pray for you for sure.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

I hear your pain and am so sorry, he did that to you in the past. 

My opinion is, it is best to remain happy and block him, if it brings back bad memories, no one needs that reminder and I see it upsets you to even see his name, even if he is being kind on FB. 

If you have it set for public on FB, anyone can see and respond to it. Unless they are blocked.

I am happy, you found true love and a good man in your life now, stay happy and get your ex out of there, that is why they are called ex's. 

Stay strong my dear.


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## GTAllen (Jul 22, 2012)

Just block him and continue to be happy.


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## KW Farms (Jun 21, 2008)

I agree on blocking him. :hug:


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## Di (Jan 29, 2008)

Thank you all, I feel better now. I found out how to block him and I'll even go and block my dh's ex too!


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## Paige (Oct 14, 2010)

Is he still such a drunk? Maybe now he wants to kind of smooth things over so you don't hate his guts or whatever. I mean, you did spend 18 years together, and he might not realize how painful it is, so he just wants you to recognize that he is still alive. It is good that he is being complementary, but if it hurts like you say, say I would send him a message and explain, then if he won't quit, block him. I would at least give him a chance to be decent and leave you be before blocking him.


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## caprine crazy (Jun 12, 2012)

If he's not using vulgar language then I say just ignore him. He's not hurting you, you aren't hurting him so just leave it be. If he starts PMing you however, I would draw the line there.


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## JenVise (Dec 7, 2012)

20 years is a long time...maybe he's trying the only way he knows how to show you he's sorry for the past. I'm so sorry he hurt you. I would send him a private message to let him know that you are not ready for him to have any part of your life. Give him a chance to apologize (if that's what he needs) and cut him from your life. I realize that my response won't be a very popular one, but from experience, sometimes forgiveness not only helps the other person, but you as well. And at 71, maybe he's just trying to make peace....


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## goatgirl132 (Oct 18, 2012)

I get what some of talk are saying about want peace but sometimes you don't want peace after things like that have happened.


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## StaceyRosado (Oct 5, 2007)

Glad you blocked him Di - you dont need people stirring up things even if they are long forgiven the hurt is still there (believe me I know how that is). FB is not the place for him to be contacting you.


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## HoosierShadow (Apr 20, 2010)

I'm glad you blocked him. I would have done the same thing.


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## happybleats (Sep 12, 2010)

yep..block him...: ) continue to live a happy fulfilling life...


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## Di (Jan 29, 2008)

Thank you all! My reaction seems so silly, but, being in an abusive relationship changes who you are. And, I've spent quite a lot of time "finding myself"...after that nightmare. And, it wasn't all bad. So, I can talk to my son about things we did when he was young. He didn't abuse our son. 

He's blocked now. I'm fine.


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## sweetgoats (Oct 18, 2007)

No you are a very strong lady, and it is NOT silly.

 You have to do what your heart says and if that is blocking then way to go. I do not even begin to say I know what you went through but my mom was beat in front of us kids, and let's just say he was not a nice person to me either. So if I saw his name on my FB, I am afraid I would of just sat and been so scared. Just talking about it, I am shaking, so you are such a sweet person for even letting him post. (Thank the lord the man that did this in our life is no longer alive).


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## AdamsAcres (Dec 3, 2012)

I agree with everyone that said to block him. You don't have to explain your reasoning to him or anyone else. Just do it and go on your way.


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## serenityfarmnm (Jan 6, 2013)

Paige said:


> Is he still such a drunk? Maybe now he wants to kind of smooth things over so you don't hate his guts or whatever. I mean, you did spend 18 years together, and he might not realize how painful it is, so he just wants you to recognize that he is still alive. It is good that he is being complementary, but if it hurts like you say, say I would send him a message and explain, then if he won't quit, block him. I would at least give him a chance to be decent and leave you be before blocking him.


I honestly don't feel that this person has a right to what HE wants. He had 18 years of what HE wanted. Some people can treat you like crap for years & even when they "get well" they never really see that they were wrong. If his very first post to you wasn't an apology I would assume he is one of 'those' drunks!


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## Di (Jan 29, 2008)

You know, I was young and stupid when I got together with him. Where do these abusers learn to get you dependent on them so they can continue their abuse? There must be a "how too" book, . The stories are all they same. 1. move you away from your family, 2. make you quit working, 3. threaten to leave you in a strange community, 4. act very jealous so you retreat in to your home and are further alienated from your friends/family. And, of course once you are pregnant...that's all she wrote. I was determined to make the marriage work...but...I was the only one working on it.  

Yeah, I don't want anything to do with this jack---. But, of course it was all my fault, I made him drink, I made him jealous. Please young ladies, if anyone is doing the above to you....RUN AWAY! Just as fast as you can.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Good advice.


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## lazykranch (Dec 18, 2012)

Abusers don't even have to be drunks. They can seem like the nicest person. Most caring person until they have you hooked. Then WHAM! Your stuck. Verbal & Physical abusers come from all walks of life. Control freaks that get way out if control! I've been there delt with it. At first it was a game to me due to the cocky attitude I have & how nobody tells me what to do. But somehow somewhere I lost the control I had on this relationship. Then WHAMMY. He got me. Chased away all my friends secretly then dogged me every chance I had. Trashed me in public & then started not letting me go anywhere alone. I got so angry I started fighting back. This then caused trouble with my child getting involved. He would purposely bring him in the picture when he picked fights. The rage I felt against him got do bad I had to leave or I was gonna do something bad. Today my son & I live alone happy & safe. No more bad stuff. The abuser has scooped up another female. She was still married when he hooked her. Her husband at the time got into a fight with my abusers & shot himself dead in the abusers yard(or that's the story). To this the new girl has quit her job, abandoned her family, and lost friends. He is winning with her.


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