# Please?



## Gumtree (Aug 15, 2009)

I have a bit of a problem, nothing to do with goats........
it's family...... and i don't know what to do.....
can i tell you the story??? 
would anyone be willing to give me some guidance/advice???... 
I don't know if what i'm thinking, is the right thing to do? 
:hair:


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## KW Farms (Jun 21, 2008)

If you feel comfortable...post away. :hug: We're all here for you. Or you are welcome to pm/email me.


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## Gumtree (Aug 15, 2009)

KW Farms said:


> If you feel comfortable...post away. :hug: We're all here for you. Or you are welcome to pm/email me.


thanks appreciate it.....
i'll post it, just didn't want to type it up for no reason.....


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## naturalgoats (Jan 3, 2011)

a bit OT... but your blog is hilarious!!!!
M.
p.s. hope we can be of use for the other thing...


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## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

:hug: I'm not good at giving advice, but I'm good at praying! ray:


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## Gumtree (Aug 15, 2009)

I've got two situations I just don't know what to do with....... I don't know if I should just scrap the whole lot and get right out of the way......... or if I'm just being a sook and need to harden up a bit...... or what, 
but right now, I'm worried that I'm going to crack...... I'm not normally emotional.....but lately I just crumple at the slightest thing....  plus I've lost a heap of weight, and I did not need too.........

here is what the go is......

Firstly I'm 20 year old & am living at home on the farm with dad & mum, have being helping them out a bit here,

now, problem no 1 is dad and mum, about 18 months ago, they both nearly have nervous breakdowns & both are on treatment, from a doc, they just don't get along....fight all the time, (not physically, just verbally) with a sheer lack of financial funds, at the base of the contention, 

Half the problem is that dad has some sort of dementia, undiagnosed, but in his family, and he's very stubborn.....he say's he's going to get a job, or restock the farm etc, but nothing ever happens, (since about 5+ years ago) He just intends to do it, but never gets there..... and seems to have a lack of time comprehension...... but trying to talk some sense to him about it....dementia, is impossible, and because he's physically fit, the doc, either won't or can't officially diagnose him with, anything, tho it's only too obvious to anyone that has anything to do with him....... Dad knows....but is to stubborn to admit it.........

Mum has had a back injury that has had her crippled for a lot of years,
but has had treatment for it......thank goodness, and has started a massage business this year....

------------------------
but they can't get along, and I am just the meat in the sandwich....not really involved, but every-time something crops up, they download on me, and I then try and help them sort it out................ it's not really that I mean to, I try to keep out of the way, because it is their business ....... but I love my parents.... and just seem to get drawn it to it........
I don't know what to do........ 

Then there is work..... I'm employed at a supermarket deli....."casual" 
we have a 14 day roster, and I was often getting 9 days out of 14, with 6 hour shifts....
but around June last year, I asked if i could switch to another department of the store, because I have a bit of trouble with prawns & some of the cleaning stuff,
here we are April, and still no go, even know there has been other staff put on????

and since Christmas I have had my shifts cut back to 5 days out of 14, between 9 and 15 hours a week, even through the Easter rush, 
I've tried for more hours etc, and am going to try again.... but is this just work in general or am I being given the run-around?

I've talked to some of my workmates, and they assure me that it is not my performance, or behaviour, according to them, I'm up to the mark in that respect...... 

Am I just to tolerant, or kind hearted? should I just scrap the lot?????

thanks for letting me download this, & any advice or input will be muchly appreciated....


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## lissablack (Nov 30, 2009)

Wow Shirrelle,

I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I can't think of anything harder than being in the position you are in with your parents, especially since it sounds like you are having to do a good bit of caretaking for them I don't have any advice, just a whole lot of sympathy. I hope someone else will have some advice. 

As for the job, it sounds like you might have enough time to be looking for a different one, in between those shifts, without letting on that you are doing that. With enough looking around you might find a better job. Maybe even a full time one. Just don't give up, keep looking. 

and know that you can talk here and have sympathetic ears. Even if we can't come up with solutions.

Jan


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## freedomstarfarm (Mar 25, 2011)

:hug: 
Hard stuff!
About work I would talk to your boss directly and ask again about department switch and also ask if there is a reason for the cut in hours. 
No way to get things worked out there if you dont continue to appeal to the boss and speak your mind nicely.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Shirrelle......

First off ....take care of you... make sure... you are in good health and eating properly....It helps you feel better.....

I know ...you are a strong person and can achieve what ever you want to...

Finances... can create friction and conflict... that is very hard on people when they need money and do not have it.... I am sorry... they are in that situation....you are so sweet to help them out.....


If your dad has dementia and gets diagnosed...do you have something like we do? We have disability...it is a service.. that pays that person on disability.... money to help that person and family...... if you have something like that...it will give the household some funds to survive.... If one doctor won't diagnose it ...try to get another.... if he has true dementia ...he needs to get diagnosed and helped if possible.... 

Sorry your mum has a back injury....but glad she started a business good for her.... 

If this is stressing you.... it isn't healthy...if I was you ...I'd move out...that may wake them up to do something......it is called tough love...you can still visit them but .....you won't have to endure the stress every minute..... you need to get your life on track...and start one for yourself.... it's time....


As to the job...confident... persistence helps.... you have to be strong.... do a good job ..to prove that you have ...what it takes..... by rights ...you should be over the new staff ...and get privileges first.... But... if they are cutting you back....I think it is time.... to seek another job...by the sounds of it... they are weeding you out unfortunately.... all the signs are there.... Don't know the reason for it..... unless it is the prawns and cleaning issue.....it sounds like... they want a person.... that does it all and that may be... what they are dis-liking....so they are cutting you back and training a new employee.. to do that job.... :hug:


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## Burns Branch Boers (Apr 11, 2011)

I agree with Pam. I especially think you need to request time with your immediate supervisor to see what the issue is, do this in a "what is the situation/what can I do to fix it" mentality. 

If the information is not good, assure them you will do better and wish to do better. Do the best you can while you are there and look for another job in the meantime. 

It would be nice for you to know, though, if there is something within your own actions that are causing the reduction in work hours. You may not be able to fix it at this current job; but in the future it would be good to know this info for your future. :hug:


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## Jessica84 (Oct 27, 2011)

Now I dont live in the same house as my parents, but we live on the same place, my husband is gone A LOT, so in a way we live together lol. I dont know your parents, or know how they would react to what, but I can tell you what i have done when my parents start doing that and try and put me in the middle, which does not happen that much, and they dont fight that much. If they try getting you in the middle of it by asking you a question, I would just say, 'im not getting in the middle of it' then I usually in a joking tone say something like, from now on Im going to take the other persons side. If I see the fight coming, I hit the road, walk off, go to your room ect. Now there is nothing wrong with your parents helping you, and you helping them, but like pam said, if it is not going that way and you are that stressed about it, moving out might be best. I would hate to have to do something like that at a time they needed you, but I do strongly belive that it is a parents job to take care of their child, and never the childs job to take care of the parent, and I am all for helping my parents out, but they do know I and MY KIDS will always come first to me. Their money problem is their problem, you should not stress about it.
The job, I cant give advise, because I would have already got mad and quit if they were doing that to me.
I am so sorry you are going threw this, but no one knows you and your parents more then you do. Try to relax and think about what would be best for you.


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## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

That is really tough! I am praying.


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## Gumtree (Aug 15, 2009)

thank you all, really appreciate your support and advice....been very preoccupied and i haven't answered anything properly yet..... but I have read & re read the reply's.....

thankyou!!!!


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

We are here for you and pray.... ray: that it all works out for you.... :hug: 

I know... that you can succeed.....if you put your mind to it..... it will eventually be OK.... :wink: :hi5:


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