# I'm not walking across America



## Bob Jones (Aug 21, 2009)

How does one get a job like walking across America? I looked online at monster.com for a high paying job as an ascetic monk. The only thing I could find was a job as a troll... seriously.

A guy who owned a castle in England wanted someone to live under his bridge and hurl colorful epithets at passersby. 

Although I interviewed, and the employer loved my colorful epithets, he preferred someone with a more genuine cockney accent. I have offered to fill in when his troll goes on vacation, though flying my goats abroad is out of the question.

As for walking across America:
I'll bet by starting off slow and with short jaunts, and easing into greater distances and faster paces, one could get up to 20 miles per day with a couple goats. On a run-walk basis I would think you could do more.

There's an idea for a new race with goats. We could call it the You-didn't-erod after the famous Alaskan dog sled race.

And we could do it as a triathlon where the man and goat race with cart, canoe and jogging. You sit in the canoe on wheels as a cart and drive the goat, the goat gets a rest while you paddle, then you run together to the finish line with the canoe being carried (portaged overhead) by man and goat. I apologize that I use the term 'man'... I know the women are anxiously awaiting the announcement of the race as well.


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## feederseaters (Nov 8, 2009)

Bob, 
I would suggest you refresh your resume. You could only find job offers as a troll when you clearly qualify as a Quasimoto-esque bell ringer position. Sure you have wonderfully brilliant epitets that come without hesitatation, but you are far more talented and deserve to have shelter, cooked food and your own personal lynch mob with rifles and torches, at least. 

As far as the You-didn't-erod competition, maybe if you ask nicely, Forest will let you train with him as he walks across the country with his goat  . You could jog ahead, cross rivers and act as century for any danger or difficult conditions he may find on his journey. Think of how smashing that will look on your resume. You will stand out from the hoards of other monks, bushmen, ninjas, banjo players and politicians that are applying for the same position. PLUS, If that doesn't get you and your goat in shape for the tri-goat-a-thon, then maybe just sit back, have a beer and let the world come looking for you.


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## Nanno (Aug 30, 2009)

Well Bob, good luck with that high-paying job as an ascetic monk. I thought they took a vow of poverty. As for walking across America, that's usually for hippies. Hippies take more of an involuntary vow of poverty, due to their general categorization as "unemployable" by anyone with the means to hire them. 

Being an under-the-bridge troll could be a good job, but it seems to me that your occupation would put you at odds with the caprine species. I seem to recall that the goat won in the final conflict. You might want to check and make sure the safety gear is up to spec. Better yet, make sure it's not so can sue your employer and the billy goats gruff and go on disability with a "back injury". Have your family forward you the checks and the government can pay you to walk across America.


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## Bob Jones (Aug 21, 2009)

I found an ad on Monster.com for an ascetic, but they had mis-spelled aesthetic. Although in our current politically-correct climate I should have said they Ms-spelled it. 

I could be an aesthetic monk. I could appreciate beauty as I walked across America. I could spray paint beautiful things on freeway overpasses. I could even wear a tie-dyed habit. Heck, I'm not too bad lookin' for an old fart, although I am not sure my wife would agree.


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