# Way too young! Shoooooo!!



## kiddoe (Oct 8, 2012)

What would you do? This will probably get a little long.

I have a 9 year old son. My "problem" started towards the end of summer about 2 weeks before school started.

My son has a little friend at school, a GIRL. Her mother called me to invite my son to her daughter's Birthday party. I had not given her my phone number and my son didn't either. I asked her how she got my number as it is not listed. Her response (and I'm NOT very happy about this one). She called the school bus transportation office and explained why she wanted my number. She told them my son's name as well my other kids' names. Can you believe they gave her my phone number! That is NOT ok. 

I did let my son go to the party,and I stayed , too. All seemed fine after that. no more calls from them.

The day after Thanksgiving ...:GAAH: Her mom calls to see if we are hunting people. She wanted to invite all of us to hunt with them on Buck Day (the first day of deer season where you can shoot them with a gun). Since we just moved here from the city, we have not gone hunting yet. Maybe next year,.

anyway... after telling her we didn't, she asked if my son could come along. I said no because I just don't feel safe when there are loaded guns around my 9 y.o. (very hyper) son when I am not with him. I just do not know them well enough.

They were very kind and wanted to share their venison with us. She was going to let us know when they got a deer and she would bring us some.

On Dec. 4, a tuesday, I invited my son's lil friend over along with her mom and older sister. That was the day she brought the venison. Before they even came, I told her that my kids were in bed by 9, and on a regular basis they are in bed by 8:30. I planned a lil get together after dinner at 7. I baked cookies and we all played UNO. It was about 8:15 by this time. We went into the living room to chat a bit. The lil friend wanted to use my computer to check her Facebook. HUH? Facebook at 10? I guess I'm just strict. I made my oldest son wait until the required age of 13 to get his. I said she could for 5 minutes since the kids needed to start getting ready for bed. Well ,I was finally able to get her off. They didn't leave until 9:30. My mistake of allowing kids friends to visit on a school night (won't ever do that again) .

The next day I had a friend request, my son's lil friend. My older son had a request, too. I didn't add her, but my older son did. 

So now her mom calls me three times a day nearly every day and as early as 6:30 in the morning!!:wallbang: After a few days of that, I started screening my calls. I didn't call her back for a few days hoping she would get a clue, but I called her after about 5 days. I really don't like to be rude. I wanted to let her know that I had made some of the venison that she brought us and wanted to thank her. 

Last night my older son called me over to his look at his Facebook page to see what my son's friend posted. She said that she was in a relationship with my son (using his first and last name) told facebook how much she loved him. LOL OMG!! On the night she was at our house and I let her use the computer she told face book she was at her boyfriends house and she didn't want the night to end!!:help:

Okay, so now she (the girl's mother) is calling my son her daughter's boyfriend. WHAT?? SCREECH!!! He's 9! Her mom even asked if he could SPEND THE NIGHT!!! Oh my gosh, really? She asked if they could go night spot lighting. Ummm. I don't think so. 

LOL My husband said "You know it's always been said that no girl is ever good enough for her son." That is just not true. The girl and her mother are just too agressive. HELLOOOOO?? they are 9 and 10. 

Sheesh!! and I didn't get my first boyfriend until I was 17!! Ima scared! LOL


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## Trickyroo (Sep 26, 2012)

Maybe new friends are in order ?


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## ThreeHavens (Oct 20, 2011)

I think you may want to tell her how you feel about him being too young for this.


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## WillowGem (Aug 3, 2011)

Wow!!  That's a tough one, kiddoe.
Sorry I have no advice, but I hope you get it all settled soon.


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## HoosierShadow (Apr 20, 2010)

OMG I'd be furious! does her mom not care? I mean...if she did she would care what her daughter is writing on FB! My son is 11 <12 in May>, and doesn't have a girlfriend and would get in trouble if he did have one! 
We joke around and have fun, saying he has a girlfriend, girls like him, etc. ya know, but he doesn't really seem interested in girls right now, thank goodness.
Now, his cousins who are 12 or 13 & 15 are into girls. That does concern me.
The oldest has had a girlfriend for like 3 years, kissing, etc. goes on.
All parents involved seem to be just fine with it too! NO WAY would I be! They are too young to act so 'serious.' One day after church the oldest walked outside with his girlfriend and my youngest daughter, and were kissing in front of her! My daughter was 4 or 5 at the time, and was appalled, she came and told us.
So needless to say I better not find out they walk alone with her anymore, that's not the message I want her to see from people she looks up too.
They are nice kids, but again..too young for such a 'serious' relationship.

I'd definitely be putting my foot down with the mom of the little girl and tell her exactly how you feel. If she doesn't like it...TOO BAD. He's your son, not hers.
I would also contact the school too and let them know what is going on.

Its okay IMO for them to be friends, but they MUST learn there is a boundary and they can just be friends, not boyfriend/girlfriend.
Also, in this day in age, there are a lot of pressure from other peers to have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
My oldest daughter has ADHD, she just turned 14, and her friends all started wanting to have boyfriends at 12. They tried to fix her up with a boy, etc. Thankfully my daughter and this boy were 'just' friends, not really interested in each other in any other way, they just carried the title because of their friends. It all seemed pretty innocent, none of the I love this person, I love that person.
The boy did buy her a necklace for Christmas though, very sweet of him. My daughter is age appropriate on some things <she knows boys shouldn't touch her, etc>, but she's on a level with her brother on many other things <due to her ADHD disability>. I worry about her, but thankfully I haven't had any reason to worry too much yet.

It's hard to be a parent. I really think compared to when I was a teen, things have changed sooo much now, you have to really watch everything your kids are doing at a certain point. You have to have access to all their internet usage - page history, email, facebook, etc. 
My kids don't use the internet except for homework or games. BUT, my son is getting a tablet for Christmas and I was going to let him get on facebook - he wants to be able to chat w/my side of the family - his cousins, etc. all my family live 3+ hours away, so hopefully it works out


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## kelebek (Oct 5, 2007)

WOW - that is all I got to say ... you are being nicer than I would be!


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## KarmakeeFarm (Jun 3, 2012)

First off-call the bus people a chew them out! I dont think thats legal although it sounds like this woman is used to getting her own way
Then just tell her-in a nice way-what you told us-Your house your rules they leave when kids go to bed and let her know how you feel about the BF GF stuff-A sleep over REALLY? Sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen
JMHO
Good luck Kiddoe--My first BF was at 19!!!!!


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## Trickyroo (Sep 26, 2012)

I didnt have any serious BF until into my early twenties.
I was so mixed up with the horses, I really had no time for men ,lol.
I rather go muck a stall then talk to some guy who didnt understand how I can stand being around the smell of horses , lolol.
I had a great bunch of friends at the barn , but no romances.


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## 8566 (Jul 18, 2012)

Sorry if I didn't catch this ... but are you in a small town now? If so, I would be polite but firm on getting your point across when speaking with the bus transport folks. No need to have everyone talking about you over coffee.

I would also mention to the girls mom about your expectations for your son. I wouldn't say anything on how to manage her own children else you might raise ill feelings for life .... But you could say how you feel FaceBook is very dangerous with all the sexual preditors on it. That you have more concerns especially from what you've experienced in the cities.

Sounds like the mom can't say 'no' to her children. Usually puppy love doesn't last long. I would expect them to break up within the month or two and hopefully that will solve your issues. Unless the girl starts posting nasty stuff about your son on her page. Then you could ask the mom to remove it or correct it. Or at least remove his name.

Believe me ... this isn't going away. My oldest is in college and I am continually surprised at how some of the girls act and stalk boys. There are some real crazies out there.

BTW - I hate parents who can't say 'No'.


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## Trickyroo (Sep 26, 2012)

Oh you got that right ! Small towns are notorious for gabbing , lol.
Everybody knows everybody its nice in a way but it can be your worst nightmare in a heartbeat...
Always best to be kind and get your point across that way.
But , IMO , if these were my kids , I would have my child see less and less of this girl...just my two cents


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## kiddoe (Oct 8, 2012)

Yes, we moved to a small town, a very small town with a population of appx. 1,061, which is why I decided to post here instead of my Facebook page since we do have mutual friends.

The mother knows that I don't allow my boys to have girlfriends. I told her on several occasions. One time was when I saw her at the store. She was telling me that her daughter had "broken up" with her boyfriend because he got jealous when she was talking to another boy. UGH. That's the moment when I told her that I forbid my mine to have a girlfriend yet. 

She did say that her daughter doesn't kiss or even hold hands yet, but they are just to agressive for my liking. She says that she just goes along with what ever her daughter says .

As far as Facebook, my oldest son is the only one I allow to use it. He had to wait until his 13th birthday. I have parental controlls on my computer and have tons blocked. It is conditional, though. I have all of his passwords and frequently check his usage and go through his private messages. He knows that if he changes his passwords that he will no longer have a computer. I am proud to say that he is very understanding and respects this rule.

My 9 y.o keeps asking if he can go to her house. That is a BIG NO!! I just can not trust that things will stay innocent.I explained to him that he is too young for a girlfriend but he can be her friend. I worry about him, though. He is definately girl crazy. (Swallows hard) So I have to be strict. 

I don't understand why the mother just doesn't get it. Her words are contradicting. 

I'm not saying she would do this, but I have a fear of the parents making them kiss or something like that. My imagination gets me! I'm a worry wort sometimes!


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## GTAllen (Jul 22, 2012)

He's nine. I doubt they are going to go to Las Vegas (or South Carolina ) and get married. Sounds like nice, small town, folks trying to make you and your family feel welcome and make you apart of their community. I think you are way over concerned about nothing. But, if they invite you over and they play the banjo, it's time to move!lol. jmho


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## J.O.Y. Farm (Jan 10, 2012)

Wow! That's crazy!! 
I am 17 and I don't have a boyfriend.. (my parents would be less then thrilled if I did LOL!) Never have and I really don't want one.. Really unless your serious.. Your just setting yourself up far a heart break.. It's bad enough just liking a guy! LOL! That alone drives me nuts! Then worrying if they find out I like them via little siblings :roll: I like someone, and it's a big joke at my house too LOL!! But it doesn't go any farther then that.. I don't think parents should be pushing it on kids that young! (I don't think any age they should really.. They don't really know excatly what we are feeling...) I am not a FaceBook fan either.. I am not on it and more then likely never will... 
I don't think it's right that the school gave out that information either! It's not there place! 

I don't think your overreacting at all. Your a mom and these are your kids, you raise them the way you feel is best!!

And I'm with lil'Bleats, I can't stand it when parents can't say no to their kids...


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## Idahodreamer (Sep 19, 2009)

You are sooooo not overreacting!  A mother's instincts are set in place to what? Protect her children.  your heart and attitude are very much in the right place and I applaud you because it shows you care.


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## Trickyroo (Sep 26, 2012)

See , another reason not to Facebook !!!


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## Dayna (Aug 16, 2012)

I feel your pain. I have a 15 year old daughter. She's had a few "boyfriends" but has broken up with them when they tried to put the moves on her. She told me not that long ago that she likes kissing boys and wants to hold hands but THATS IT. lol 

When she was 9 or 10 she had no real interest in boys so the fact that this girl is so boy crazy does worry me. It appears she's trying to get the wrong type of attention and her mother is encouraging it. Some women are more reliant on men than they should be and push their daughters to be the same way. My daughter has a saying: Men are not a retirement plan. She plans on being a mother and wife but not at the cost of being 100% reliant.

Regardless, I would keep my son away from this girl and her mother. It sets an example that you might not want your son to see.

As far as facebook goes, my daughter has had one for years. BUT she's on MY friend list and I have all her passwords. I do check in and log onto her facebook on occasion without telling her first. She knows this and is very respectful of how she uses facebook.


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## HaleyD (Sep 12, 2012)

Yikes!  That mom is going to be in for it when her daughter gets to high school! 

At that age I think I still thought boys had cooties!


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## xymenah (Jul 1, 2011)

Some parents are crazy. I knew a mother of a six year old who thought is was so nice and cute that she had a boyfriend and that they kissed. I'm 18 and have not even dated yet so maybe I'm out of touch compared to kids now a days but I still think its wrong. Around 60% of the kids in my 5th grade class had a boy/girlfriend. By 6th grade it was more like 80%. My parents told me I couldn't date till 18 not that I wanted to anyway.


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## ThreeHavens (Oct 20, 2011)

xymenah: I'm 18 as well. Haven't had a boyfriend, haven't kissed. Just haven't found the right guy yet and I'm not going to waste my time and heart on something that won't last.


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## PiccoloGoat (Sep 10, 2008)

I got my first boyfriend when I was 15


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## JaLyn (Oct 10, 2012)

Trickyroo said:


> See , another reason not to Facebook !!!


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## J.O.Y. Farm (Jan 10, 2012)

Woodhavenfarm said:


> xymenah: I'm 18 as well. Haven't had a boyfriend, haven't kissed. Just haven't found the right guy yet and I'm not going to waste my time and heart on something that won't last.


I agree!
If you think about it, your setting yourself up for heart-break... The chances of it lasting are slim,(talking about younger 'kids' here) so either he is gonna break up with you, and break your heart, or your gonna break up with him, break his heart AND yours, (I know if it were me I would be so upset I had to do that to him! There is a guy I know, and he likes me, he hasn't come out and said it, but it's really obvious :roll: and I feel so bad that I am 'pushing' him away.. and I know what if feels like to like someone and know they don't like you back. I like to hang out with him and my other friends when we are together, but that's it... Now if we were dating and I had to break up with him.... I would be just as devastated!) It's just not worth it IMHO unless you are looking to get married... that is just my :2cents:


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## HaleyD (Sep 12, 2012)

I'm 18 and started dating at 15 but I've been with the same guy ever since. We now live together, but I'm in NO hurry to get married. Lots of kids in my home town got married right out of high school  I want to finish college first and so does my boyfriend. 

It's different for everyone but I think you should AT LEAST be in high school before dating, not 6 years old!


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## kiddoe (Oct 8, 2012)

GTAllen said:


> He's nine. I doubt they are going to go to Las Vegas (or South Carolina ) and get married. Sounds like nice, small town, folks trying to make you and your family feel welcome and make you apart of their community. I think you are way over concerned about nothing. But, if they invite you over and they play the banjo, it's time to move!lol. jmho


They have a Blue Grass band!


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## Dayna (Aug 16, 2012)

HaleyD said:


> I'm 18 and started dating at 15 but I've been with the same guy ever since. We now live together, but I'm in NO hurry to get married. Lots of kids in my home town got married right out of high school  I want to finish college first and so does my boyfriend.
> 
> It's different for everyone but I think you should AT LEAST be in high school before dating, not 6 years old!


My daughter (15) has had a couple boyfriends. She goes into it knowing that she most likely will NOT end up marrying. She enjoys having fun, hand holding, etc.

She has a friend that's in Alaska, that she cares about a lot. She thinks it's possible that someday they'll get married. But until then they both date same aged friends.

She went to the 8th grade graduation dance with him. They broke up due to a difference in religious thought. He's very religious and my daughter is agnostic leaning towards God.


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## xymenah (Jul 1, 2011)

Woodhavenfarm said:


> xymenah: I'm 18 as well. Haven't had a boyfriend, haven't kissed. Just haven't found the right guy yet and I'm not going to waste my time and heart on something that won't last.


Same here. It seems we are a rare breed in today's society.



J.O.Y. Farm said:


> I agree!
> If you think about it, your setting yourself up for heart-break... The chances of it lasting are slim,(talking about younger 'kids' here) so either he is gonna break up with you, and break your heart, or your gonna break up with him, break his heart AND yours, (I know if it were me I would be so upset I had to do that to him! There is a guy I know, and he likes me, he hasn't come out and said it, but it's really obvious :roll: and I feel so bad that I am 'pushing' him away.. and I know what if feels like to like someone and know they don't like you back. I like to hang out with him and my other friends when we are together, but that's it... Now if we were dating and I had to break up with him.... I would be just as devastated!) It's just not worth it IMHO unless you are looking to get married... that is just my :2cents:


When I start dating I'm looking for my soul mate not just for the fun of it knowing its temporary.


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## RedGate (Dec 7, 2012)

I'm 19, and second all of the younger posters especially! I think we are a rare breed. Ive been close friends with my boyfriend for years. not until my senior year of high school did my parents allow us to "date". Really, we've always had an easy relationship and I attribute that to us being friends for so long and never rushing anything, we have so much growing still to do. When I left for school, four hours away after I graduated, he was dealing with his own stress of his parents new divorce. I felt like I was at a crossroads and the beginning to another chapter if my life, we were in separate places. We decided to take a break. No hard feelings. I got a year of school under my belt. But Funny, we both moved back to our small town the same semester. Does a year of college away from home make you feel like a stranger to yourself? lol. You bet. We both grew so much in our time apart. We started talking more regularly this fall and then he asked my dad in October if he would give his blessing on our relationship. My family loves him and of course said yes. So yes, we are serious now in that we are not looking for someone else, and are committed to learning and growing even more together with the the intent to marry someday.

I am so thankful to my parents for setting the example for me and my relationships and for protecting my innocence. I think the problem with my peers is that they haven't had the guidance and discipline to see a compromising situation. I knew the rules in my family, and I knew that what my classmates were involved in was not healthy. Emotionally or physically. It's parents like you all that help build sons and daughters that respect that they are not in a time of their lives to be "serious" with anyone. I lead our middle school girls ministry at our church and I am appalled at how much pressure is put on my 10 year olds even to be "hot" and attract male attention. Several claim they have boyfriends. And some parents seem to encourage it, buying the boyfriend gifts for Christmas and things like that! There is a 13 year old pregnant at our middle school right now! when I candidly asked the older middle schoolers if they ever felt pressured to be physical with guys on an annon. questionnaire, almost all circled yes! *gulp* 

Put your foot down, Momma. That's such an impressionable age. You are doing a great thing for him, and he will see it and thank you for it one day.


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## J.O.Y. Farm (Jan 10, 2012)

^that is what I want. To be friends for a long while before we get serious. And I agree with what you said about that(and everything else you posted there!). 

I don't understand the world... It's so sad...


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## Texas.girl (Dec 20, 2011)

kiddoe said:


> My son has a little friend at school, a GIRL. Her mother called me to invite my son to her daughter's Birthday party. I had not given her my phone number and my son didn't either. I asked her how she got my number as it is not listed. Her response (and I'm NOT very happy about this one). She called the school bus transportation office and explained why she wanted my number. She told them my son's name as well my other kids' names. Can you believe they gave her my phone number! That is NOT ok.


I think the law was violated by giving our your number. You could sue. If you have not filed a formal complaint I would. Giving out anyone's contact information for any reason is totally unacceptable. What if this woman had instead been a jeolous angry boyfriend/girlfriend wanting to murder the child's parent for leaving them? It does happen. So the school dist. needs to know what happened and take action.

I don't have human kids so it is hard to give advice, but if I was in your situation I would try to communicate with the mother or father of this little girl and let them know your son is not allowed to have girlfriends, that the children are way to young and under the circumstances you think it would be best if the children no longer have contact.

I have a cousin who at age 8 fell in love with a little boy in her class. That boy moved away but somehow she tracked him down and started calling the boy long distance, which is how my aunt and uncle found out what was going on. Well, that same cousin wound up having an affair with a man in his 40's (her own mother's boyfriend) while she was in high school. The affair was discovered when my cousin got pregnant. I share this to let you are not being too strict, but responsible. The fact that little girl's mother is not concerned tells me something is really wrong with that family and it would be in your son's best interest to keep away.


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## animalfamily (Nov 23, 2012)

Wow, what a thread!!! Where to begin, I could go on for hours on this one but I will restrain myself . The school definitely used poor judgment in giving out your phone number. I think it warrants a phone call to the school and letting them know you did not appreciate it and 'please' do NOT allow this to happen again!
Facebook does have an age limit of 13, which tells you something about parents of a child who allow them to have an account underage. _Does anyone ever read those terms of use....._I do, and have taught my daughter to do the same....long and tedious as they are, there is pertinent information in them. Do we really want to teach our kids to ignore or disregard the _rules/law?_
"Dating" at 9 yrs old, seriously? When my daughter was 10 [if memory serves] she had a friend her age who was 'engaged' to a boy, had a ring and everything. I'm sure her parents thought it was some silly little cute thing. Really? 
This thing about strangers wanting to come take your child off just REALLY gets to me. When we first moved here our neighbor down the road [who we had met once or twice] came by and wanted to take our daughter to church, where I _think_ he was a pastor at the time. I tactfully explained why I was not comfortable with this idea. A few weeks later he came by with his wife, again wanting to take our daughter to church. Somehow having his wife with him was supposed to make it all okay. Again I declined. I found it odd he didn't want to take the 'family' to church?????
I have been accused of being overprotective when my daughter was young, and maybe even now still, but all it takes is one bad decision and you can never take it back. We all know you have to be very careful these days.
Now, I'm going to go get my 17 yr. old daughter and let her read these posts. I think she will be happy to see she is not the only 17 yr. old on the planet who is not dating yet ....'xymenah', J.O.Y., Woodhaven, etc.
Thanks 'kiddoe' for creating this thread, I realize these posts don't solve your problem, and obviously none of us take the issues your having lightly; but sometimes it's nice to know your not alone and others have been in similar situations. All I can say is no matter what anyone else thinks, stand strong in what _you_ know is right, and do what you _feel_ is right!


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## GTAllen (Jul 22, 2012)

kiddoe said:


> They have a Blue Grass band!


time to move before someone yells "squeal like a pig"


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## pdpo222 (Jun 26, 2011)

I think it's time for a sit down with the mom and telling her YOUR rules. Small towns talk, we live in one, but I would rather have them talk about what a witch I am about my kids, than how my son has a 10 year old girlfriend. Everyone was raised different. Sounds to me like this mom wants to be her kids "friend" instead of the parent. Sometimes you just gotta tell them how it is. And stick to it!!!! Set times when things start and end if they are coming over. Like ok sure come over be glad to have you, but it will have to end at 8 p.m. Then when it's close to that time say, had a great time and hand them their coats. lol Sometimes you just have to be in your face about things. She seems kind of pushy to me, and I hate pushy people. Your the parent. You are responsible for your kids. You set the rules in your house.


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## goatgirl132 (Oct 18, 2012)

I'm a teen I did start dating and kissing when I was about 12 -eek- Maby alittle earlier
I really don't remember.
I had a boyfriend over the summer from work. I sent quite a few days after work at his house.
How ever when. I was in 7th grade I got my purity ring so my mom trusted me. She knows she can trust me too. I would NEVER sleep over at a boys house though. Not when I'm this young.
Your not over reacting. I think persionaly the girls mom needs to tighten up on the girl some.
I am waiting to have a serious relationship tho... I'm to young to have a serious one right now!


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## nursehelg (Jul 5, 2012)

Ok I have three boys. If this was happening to me I would just talk to the mom and tell her you do not agree with letting your children have sleepovers at that age, especially with the opposite sex. (asking for trouble in my opinion) I did not let my oldest son start to stay over at a friends house until the age of 14. My middle son is 14 now and he is allowed to stay over at a friends house. I also have a 12 year old son and he is not allowed to stay anywhere yet. You are only being protective of your children. I also have a daughter, 6 years old, and she will not stay over night with anyone until she is at least 15. I do not trust anyone. I don't care who it is. A predator could look like the best person in the world on the outside. I would worry that the girl is "boy crazy" at such a young age personally. He is your child not hers. She is allowed to raise her kids her way but you can raise yours your way. Coming from another mom who knows dangers out there, you are doing nothing wrong but protecting your son. You just need to set the ground rules. I have to agree with a previous post about a law suit waiting to happen. What if her daughter gets mad and starts to make accusations?? It happens, and its not pretty. I would not put my son in that position. Good luck sister, I will pray for you.


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## LittleBock (Dec 13, 2012)

I actually signed up here just to reply to this topic! (I'm animalfamily's young'un; she did indeed bring me here to read this, and I felt the need to pitch in.)

I have never had a boyfriend, and it often bothers me when I see kids--sometimes even younger than nine and ten--talking about having boyfriends and girlfriends. Society does put an insane amount of pressure on young people when, in reality, rushing things just makes it so much worse. Being 'in a relationship' is generally something that requires a good amount of emotional maturity and stability, and it doesn't seem like something a kid should have to think about so soon. I think childhood is a time to focus on other, more important, things.

Also, just my opinion, but I think part of the problem nowadays is the role that TV plays in so many children's lives. Kids spend a lot of time in front of the TV unsupervised, and from what I have seen...this so-called "children's programming" is packed with unusually mature subject matter. The girls are always striving to be pretty enough to attract the boys, the boys are constantly vying for the girls' attention, etc., etc. Most, if not all, of the importance is placed on looks and status (who is dating who, popularity, etc.). Romance plays an inordinate part in shows created for 8 to 12 year olds. 

Also, I do not have Facebook, and I don't intend to. I agree with nursehelg on the fact that the little girl's use of it could become hazardous for everyone involved. I know that some kids (and their parents) have the potential to make up harmful stories when they don't get their way.
As far as the trust thing goes, I'm of the opinion that if you can't trust your child to be on a site, then they simply shouldn't be there.

In reference to a previous post, I think it's possible for a parent to be a friend to their child as well, but as in all things, there has to be a happy medium somewhere. Sometimes you have to be the parent and lay down the ground rules (as this woman is obviously NOT doing), but the child should still feel comfortable enough with you to be honest about things to you.

I think you're doing the right thing, kiddoe. It's wonderful to see a mom who pays attention to what is going on in her son's life; your diligence will pay off in the long run, even if it's frustrating right now. Hang in there, sis!

Also, sometimes women like these (both the mother and the daughter) have short attention spans...if you prove to be too difficult, they'll move on to something less obstinate. Sad, but true.


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## HaleyD (Sep 12, 2012)

LittleBock said:


> Also, just my opinion, but I think part of the problem nowadays is the role that TV plays in so many children's lives. Kids spend a lot of time in front of the TV unsupervised, and from what I have seen...this so-called "children's programming" is packed with unusually mature subject matter. The girls are always striving to be pretty enough to attract the boys, the boys are constantly vying for the girls' attention, etc., etc. Most, if not all, of the importance is placed on looks and status (who is dating who, popularity, etc.). Romance plays an inordinate part in shows created for 8 to 12 year olds.


Yes! I think this is a HUGE part of the problem. And modern main stream music. Little girls love Niki Minaj, Kesha, and other artist like that (idk that many I don't listen to that genre much) but most of these song are all about sex! Sometimes I hear a song on the radio and I wonder how they are allowed to play it!


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## kiddoe (Oct 8, 2012)

[ What if her daughter gets mad and starts to make accusations?? It happens, and its not pretty. I would not put my son in that position. Good luck sister, I will pray for you.[/QUOTE]

Thank you! I need them (prayers)!


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## J.O.Y. Farm (Jan 10, 2012)

I know what you mean about the music! It's just not right for kids to be listening to that sort of stuff!


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## Idahodreamer (Sep 19, 2009)

It's called desensitizing the public . . . . bad just isn't 'bad' anymore . . . it's something you have to accept or be judged for making an opinion . . . look at what was acceptable and proper fifty years ago and compare it to today. . . . a huge plunge . . .


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## HaleyD (Sep 12, 2012)

Idahodreamer said:


> It's called desensitizing the public . . . . bad just isn't 'bad' anymore . . . it's something you have to accept or be judged for making an opinion . . . look at what was acceptable and proper fifty years ago and compare it to today. . . . a huge plunge . . .


Yep so true... Sometimes I'm in shock with what passes as decent today... And it makes me worry because I'm only 18! What's it going to be like for my kids?!


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## Trickyroo (Sep 26, 2012)

I was going out with my first husband for well over ten years before we got engaged !! ( like we werent sure , lolol )
But then , we didnt get married for another four. We bought our house and had whatever luxuries we wanted. Then it was time to try for kids.

Well , looking back at that marriage , we did things that were right for us. Not everybody fits into everybodys mold of a perfect relationship.
I met my present hubby and got married within two years 
No wedding , just went and got it out of the way so to speak , lol.

To each his own.


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## sweetgoats (Oct 18, 2007)

Well, by reading all this I feel like a HORRIBLE mother, (I will explain in a second)

 First of all, I would be contacting the bus barn supervisor about them giving out your number. That is totally illegal like others have said. IF you are not happy with the results, I would be going to the school Superintendent. I am in a small town as well, that does not mean anyone can give out numbers for any reason. That is a violation of privacy that is where you should start by being mad. If you do this you need to know what you want done to the person that gave out your number, fired, suspended or just what.

 Second like I said I am in a very small town. There was only 59 kids in my sons class and 67 in my daughters, so yes if you want to know what is going on around town you can hear it. It helped that my husband was a teacher there so we heard it ALL, let me tell you.

 I DID let my kids have girlfriends/boyfriends. (MY OPINION) I mean they are 9 years old. They are not going jump in the sack. My kids had them and it was hand holding. That was it. My son had his first kiss in 9th grade, nothing other than hand holding until then. My son is 25 years old, married and has been for three years, and guess what??? He was married as a virgin because I raised them to wait for marriage, so yes he had girl friends and nothing happened.

 My daughter, same thing. She had been in relationships since a freshman in High school, that they all lasted two years. Well guess what?? She is 22 and dating someone very serious and in college, but still a virgin. I just don't want anyone to think just because they had "boyfriends or girlfriends" at a young age that something will happen.

Now, that was MY rules, if you do not want your kids to have a Boyfriend/girlfriend that is totally fine and the kids and friends need to respect your rules. I could not have a boyfriend or date until I was 16. Do you think I followed that rule? NOPE. I have them my parents just never new, but I will say I have never been with anyone but my husband, so again just because kids date does not mean they are sleeping around.
 I do agree, you need to talk to this mother, and explain your rules, if she does not like them that is her problem.


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## MOgoatlady (Oct 23, 2012)

I would like to share a little about myself, as I have not seen any replies of the sort I am going to make. 
I had my first boyfriend at 11. He was 13, and looking back I realize how lucky I was not to get hurt during our relationship. I lost my virginity at 15 to another "boyfriend". It was not given freely.I endured that relationship for 2 years. I am happily married with 3 beautiful boys, but before I met my husband I was a single mother of 2 of the above mentioned children, neither of whom had ever known a father figure.I was lucky and didn't have kids until I was in my 20's. I have never done drugs, drank to excess, run up debt, or neglected my sons, so please don't think I am a horrible person, but I can admit I have made my fair share of mistakes. My parents were loving, and very responsible. They raised me with discipline and responsibility. I do not blame them for any poor choices I have made, and yet I do feel that if they had nixed my dating at such a young age things may have turned out a little differently. 
You are the one who is responsible right now, and what you do now will affect your kids for the rest of their lives. Having children is the entire reason behind our human urges to be with someone of the opposite sex, and puberty is starting at younger and younger ages. I know so many people are raising their children and grandchildren at the same time nowadays, but I don't think you want to be one of them. Saying no to sleepovers with the opposite sex, no dating at such a young age, and keeping track of what your kids are doing are some of the ways you can prevent that. Your kids may dislike your choices now, but as adults they will come to understand and respect them.


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## Trickyroo (Sep 26, 2012)

Sweetgoats , I believe that if you make something taboo (some) kids would want it so much more they will do whatever it takes to get it.
But if you act like its no big deal ( there are rules ) they will treat it as such , but with respect of course. ( hopefully ) there is always one black sheep in every family , lol.

Sounds like your kids had a healthy respect for the opposite sex and that in turn attracts the same type. Kudos for her !
But just make sure if she loves goats like we do , to make sure her ideal man loves them too


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## HamiltonAcresBoers (May 9, 2012)

I just want to weigh in a bit. I'm 17 and I've never gone past holding hands. I've dated only one guy seriously. I was 14-15 and he was 16. We dated for five months and I truly loved him, not because of any physical relationship, but because we were very close and had the same morals. We ended up breaking up, but it was for the best. He's now studying to be a priest, and I'm working on graduating high school. 

I don't see anything wrong with dating in high school as long as there are boundaries that are followed. I think morals get lost now a days. I personally am saving myself for marriage. I personally don't believe that CHILDREN should be having relationships. And how could they? Do they even understand what being in a relationship means?

I know a girl who's 13 now, who when she was 8 knowingly did things with a boy of 12. So saying that things couldn't happen between young kids is false. It's a frightening concept, for sure. I think you're 100% justified in not wanting your son to be dating at age 9. I think you need to talk to the little girls mother and tell her exactly how you feel.


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## TheMixedBag (Oct 16, 2010)

I had my first real relationship at 16. It lasted 4 years, but looking back, I was WAY too young and immature for it, and I made a lot of mistakes (like losing my virginity and having a kid, even if I chose adoption.) The relationship was horrible (verbal and mental abuse-story for another time), but I had just lost my mom and it was easy to become emotionally attached. Looking back, I realize how stupid I was, and even at 22 I realize I'm still too immature, so for now I'm just friends with the guy I like.

Admittedly some kids just mature faster, and those hormones often speak louder than parents. However, at 9, NOBODY is old enough. It's not the 17th and 18th century anymore, we're not marrying our kids off in their pre-teens. Sometimes it's fun to pretend, but this sounds way too serious and you are absolutely right in pitching a fit.

I'd like to add just one more thing. Morals are subjective. Things like nudity and sex may be taboo to some, but viewed as a beautiful and natural thing to others, without any stigma attached. I personally believe we haven't dropped our morals, just shifted our view. 60 years ago it was morally acceptable to smack your wife around if she talked back. I'd rather sex be seen as normal and natural than that. That being said, there is nothing wrong with a different view. My mother banned media that wasn't age appropriate, and it seems many parents today (no one here) just don't get the concept. Yes, my mom taught me the birds and the bees at a young age, but I was never exposed to anything that cheapened it or portrayed it as "the cool thing" to do. Parents need to keep track of what's out there and make sure their kids understand why it's not acceptable.


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## caprine crazy (Jun 12, 2012)

I had my first BF at 12/13. It wasn't anything serious, really. We never went past holding hands and we broke up after about 3 weeks after I discovered how different we are. I never told my parents that we dated because I would've been dead meat! They still don't know that we dated and it's been 2 years. I agree though, that's crossing a boundary! IMO she's way too young to even have a FB. I was 13 and 8 months when I got my FB.


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## WalshKidsGoats (Nov 27, 2012)

I thought I'd share my thoughts on this... Firstly you are totally NOT over-reacting! Nine and ten year olds dating?!? What is the world coming to?!? My little brother is ten and he still thinks that girls are weird. 
I am 16, almost 17 and I have never had a boyfriend, never kissed, heck, I don't think I've even held hands with a boy! I know that if I were to start a relationship right now where could it go? Am I really going to get married at 17? Of course not! I don't see any reason in dating so young, as people here have said before, you'll just be setting yourself up for heartbreak. I have friends my age though that pretty much have a new boyfriend every week! And each break up is soooo heartbreaking and then the next week they have fully moved on and are in love all over again! These kids have no idea what love really is!


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## goathiker (Apr 14, 2011)

I think that I would also file a report at the sheriffs office. Your number was given out illegally, the woman will not leave you alone now, yeah, might be good to have a filed report just in case something does happen. I've lived in very small towns my whole life. They are unique in that the very best and the very worst of people are attracted to them. People have different reasons for wanting to be away from high traffic areas.

As far as a soulmate goes. It happens when it happens. I met my husband when I was 16, we married when I was 17 and he was 19. We've been together for 29 years this January. We raised 2 boys and 2 girls together, and now have beautiful grandson. Yes , we've made mistakes. That's part of life though. The things I would change could I go back have nothing to do with the choice to get married. We are the best freinds ever before anything else.


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## kiddoe (Oct 8, 2012)

I was looking on the little girl's Facebook page and was floored to see all that she had written. She claimed to have three boyfriends since August (making my son her 3rd). With the first one going on about how much she loved him, she was still 9 with that one. A month later she had the second one, going on about how she loved him so much , she had finally gotten a man that knew how to treat a girl, and now for the first time in her (10 y.o.) life she is finally experiencing what real love is.

Even more frightning, there was what I called a Facebook sticker. The caption was *What is more imprtant to you? *there were three pictures the one of holding hands depicted love -you had to like that one if it was most important to you. the middle one was a picture that depicted sex, you had to share that one, and the third pic was a pile of money, you had to comment on that one. Well the sex pic was most important to her and she shared it.

The day after Thanksgiving she (before she declared my son her BF) made a comment to three boys (including mine and none of which has a Facebook acct) that she wanted them all to stop bothering her, that they were all too immature for her and none of them would ever win her heart. Her mother even posted a comment on her status saying "ohhh, you got all the boys after you, now. HAHAHA" The next day is when she started saying how much she loved my son and she couldn't wait until the next time they saw each other. *GAG *She even sent my older son a private message asking for himto tell my younger son she loves him so much.

This poor little girl is growing up entirely too fast. It makes me angry with her mother that she is encouraging and allowing all of it. Parents are supposed to protect their children. My heart breaks for her.

I spoke with her mother about all of this. I asked her if she monitors her daughter's Facebook page.I asked her If she had seen all of the things she has written. The mother's response -"you mean the one where she says in a relationship with, (and my son's name)?" I said yes, and everything else she has posted. She says yes, she knew.

I told her (the mother) that I had already let her know on more than one occasion that I did NOT allow my son to have a girlfriend. That what her daughter was writing on Facebook about my son was unexceptable and I wanted her to make sure that her daughter deleted those posts or removed my son's name from every one of them. I explained that if they had other mutual friends (and their parents) that saw these posts they would think I was allowing such a thing to happen. I don't want ANYONE to think or have reason to believe that my son is "involved" or is even allowed in any such an adult relationship. I was not hateful at all, but frank with her. She said she would have her daughter remove them, but she had to wait until the next day to go to the library as she does not have any internet access at home.

On a semi funny note (but not really):

a friend of mine told me that when she and her husband were searching to buy a new home (looking in a national real estate magazine) she found a beautiful historical victorian home that they eventually bought here in the same town, 20 years ago. The real estate agent asked them if they had any children, especially any boys. They didn't have any children. The agent went on to warn them if they even planned to have children to be careful and guard them with everything because it was very commen for many of the mothers of the town to teach their girls that once they found a boy that seemed they would be succesful providers to snatch them up and get pregnant as soon as they possibly could so that they would have a "future'! *YIKES!! *

I sure do pray (and fervently) that I will not encounter anything like this again.


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