# I need to be kidnapped.



## Bob Jones (Aug 21, 2009)

My human kid plays violin in an orchestra, French horn in a Jr. High band, Trombone in a HS Jazz band, Bells in two choirs, Volleyball and basketball.

Since she is 13, and needing transportation everywhere, the only way I can get out with the goats is if someone kidnaps me and the goats in the night. 

BTW 'Pig' is doing well, he has outgrown Moe who is a year older and is about the same size as Larry (the larger of the twins). He gets to roam over more of the yard than the other goats and comes to the sliding glass door to call for me when he wants to go back in the pen.

I was able to get a good grass hay this year, so after you guys chided me for my skinny goats at the rendy, I have been feeding them more and I think they are getting fat with the lack of exercise and the extra food. 

The minivan died so I am looking to see how I might mount it on the back of the truck as a goat carrier. I've been told it won't work, would look stupid, etc, which kinda makes me want to do it even more. 

I got the coat hangar off the truck engine finally and got the furnace running in time for a brief warm period. One advantage of not having a furnace running during the coldest periods is that your gas bill goes down significantly. You can stay comfortable by the heat given off by a wife angry at not having a furnace.

Although I am required by said wife to put in a disclaimer whenever I mention her, that situations related in forum post may or may not reflect reality. She says I have a creative memory. If I don't remember exactly how things went down I may just make it up. I didn't have to put in such disclaimers before she started reading the forum.

So if you're in the Salt Lake area and have room for five goats and an old fart, we won't resist should you take an odd hankering for felony.


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## gsbswf (Apr 5, 2009)

Don't worry, Bob, I think we all figured your memories regarding interactions with your wife were likely quite creative in comparison to reality.


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## ohiogoatgirl (Jan 31, 2010)

god luck with that! i have two younger sisters that are both around that age... it's terrible!!!! :evil: 
but i'm sure it's worse when you're the "chauffer" (spelling?) :roll: 

your wife sounds like my mom! ha ha ha!!! but she doesn't get on the internet so i don't have a disclaimer to post... sorry! :lol:


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## Bob Jones (Aug 21, 2009)

Ok,

Pig is 29" at the shoulder. and 35" around the chest just behind the legs and is about 9 mos old.

[attachment=4:2qm177q8]DSC03106.JPG[/attachment:2qm177q8]

You can see his longitudinals from this angle.
[attachment=3:2qm177q8]DSC03107.JPG[/attachment:2qm177q8]

I have a 9" span and can't connect around his upper forearm.
[attachment=2:2qm177q8]DSC03108.JPG[/attachment:2qm177q8]

[attachment=1:2qm177q8]DSC03109.JPG[/attachment:2qm177q8]

Someone said that a beard is evidence of testosterone...
[attachment=0:2qm177q8]DSC03110.JPG[/attachment:2qm177q8]

Larry, the larger of the twins is also 29" tall and 36" around. But his legs aren't as stout and he is a year older.


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## McDanAx (May 24, 2010)

I thought a bucks beard was there to drain the urine off his face...


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## Nanno (Aug 30, 2009)

HAHAHAHA!! He gotcha there Mr. Jones!!! :lol:


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## Bob Jones (Aug 21, 2009)

A little urine on the face is all you need to attract them wild women...
It softens the beard and straightens the curls.
It also keeps the runt kidlings from getting in yer face about yer beard.

...as the pedantic taunts roll off the old goat's back.

Besides, if the old goat is willing and able to do that to himself, one might wonder what he is willing and able to do to one that really pisses him off. ;-)

1. It is used in Asia to cure colds and gout. Ghandi used to drink his own.
2. It has a bleaching property for teeth
3. Protects against most forms of dry skin
4. Claimed to be a cure for a hangover
5. Prevents cats from soiling your garden
6. When allowed to ferment, the salts formed mixed with wood ash, and added to sulphur makes black powder
7. Used to generate electricity for bio testing


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## jross (Dec 20, 2008)

Bob Jones said:


> 6. When allowed to ferment, the salts formed mixed with wood ash,


So that's what "salt peter" is?


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## Bob Jones (Aug 21, 2009)

Well, it is peter salt. Salt Peter is the same thing except with oxygen where the hydrogen is. 

May need to know these things when the govment outlaws goats. Then only outlaws will have goats. ;-)


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## Rex (Nov 30, 2008)

Bob Jones said:


> May need to know these things when the govment outlaws goats. Then only outlaws will have goats. ;-)


You mean you'll give up goats when the government pry's the lead rope from your cold dead hand... :lol:


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## Bob Jones (Aug 21, 2009)

Give up the Ghost and the goats at the same time ;-)

That's theologically correct... Our flesh is goats, our spirit sheep. We are 'unclean until the evening' being bound to the body of sin. And set free from it at death.


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## Bob Jones (Aug 21, 2009)

The school where Hannah goes has an ice cream social as an open house for prospective students and their parents.

I was dishing out the ice cream and I heard a woman saying something like, "It's amazing how quickly the male human can go feral." 

In order to do my recruiting duties I would introduce myself to them.

"Hi, I am the principle ice cream scooper..."

But before "ice cream" could come out of my mouth they were running and screaming for the door. This is OK cause there was more ice cream for me.


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## Bob Jones (Aug 21, 2009)

I am getting kidnapped in a bad way...

I'll be in the Roswell and Carlsbad, NM area next week followed by a short visit to Gig Harbor, Wa. Without goats. I only have an hour or two of work in each area and the rest of the time traveling or hanging out waiting to travel.


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## sweetgoatmama (Dec 10, 2008)

If you're going down I-5 I'm just a half hour east of Portland.Got babies to play with if you need a break from driving.


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## Bob Jones (Aug 21, 2009)

Back from the trips. A while ago I shared that we were in a tenuous situation here, being in the middle of the city with goats. Well, the boys decided that I hadn't paid enough attention to them so they tore down the back fence and were wandering around on 300 East. See how close we are to State street in SLC?

I got a knock on the door ... someone saying there were goats wandering the street. I had them under control and headed back to the break in the fence when four animal control officers and two policemen drove up. They started to explain that I couldn't have goats in the city, and of course, I insisted I could. I said I have had goats as long as I have had ducks. Well, they said, you can't have ducks either. Insisting that I could I explained that the ducks were grandfathered in with my rabbits. 

They started getting huffy and said I couldn't have rabbits either. So I explained that the city attorney and I worked that all out last time he complained about my chickens. They started pulling devices from their belts as they approached me, and finally I was asked where I lived. 

I said right over there on B***** street. "Oh on B***** street!. Anything goes on B***** Street. Have a nice day. Good luck."

For newbies the Chicken story is on here somewhere. So my goats are official now. I no longer have to dress them up as aardvarks when we walk in the city (There are no rules against aardvarks) although I may need berry bags if we decide to be in the 4th of July parade.

And Pig has become senior to Moe, Larry and Mikey. He is second only to Diego and has been challenging him.
I have to get a scale. I am almost willing to bet that he is a heavy as Diego, he's just built so much stalkier that it is hard to tell by looking.


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## Bob Jones (Aug 21, 2009)

I went to the Instacare yesterday. 

The nurse asked what my complaint was.

"my wife"
"You'll have to explain that"
"My wife is bugging me to see a doctor about chest pains. She must really be worried, I even offered to get a haircut instead."

"What is your job?"
"This week I am a network engineer"
"How long have you worked there?"
"Every since the boss threatened to fire me."


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## Bob Jones (Aug 21, 2009)

I'm renting a U-haul for the weekend to get the goats out. My truck still doesn't work. I am sure that Pig is now larger than Diego and Mikey. I'll have to get pictures this weekend and weigh him when we get home. He's about a year and a half old.

I bought a 1980 Triumph TR-7. It is a convertible, and someone replaced the 4 cylinder engine with a v-8. I can only get one goat in it. 

It turns out that it was the tenth one off the assembly line and there were not very many made. The problem is that because it has a non-standard engine, the state emissions testers don't know how to test it. 

I need to sell it to someone where there isn't any emissions testing. Anyone from Guatemala on the forum? ;-)

Actually my second son just got back from a mission trip to Guatemala. He left his well paying job to fund his own trip. He worked with a group that repairs old wheelchairs and builds houses. 

He will be going with us this weekend for the first time.

I am getting ready to launch my bid for President. I pretty much look like a bum, so I will hold up a cardboard sign saying "Will be President for food"


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## Nanno (Aug 30, 2009)

Bob Jones said:


> The problem is that because it has a non-standard engine, the state emissions testers don't know how to test it.
> 
> I need to sell it to someone where there isn't any emissions testing.


There's no emissions testing in this part of Colorado, but I suggest you take it to one of those back-alley auto places that gives out stickers to anyone who pays the fee. We ended up doing that in Allegany County, NY a couple of times after the emissions control stuff rusted off our Buick (the one that we just ran in the demolition derby). They don't care if your car pollutes the air... they just want their $14.95. 



> I am getting ready to launch my bid for President. I pretty much look like a bum, so I will hold up a cardboard sign saying "Will be President for food"


You can't possibly do a worse job than these latest couple of guys. I was thinking about running Cuzco for 2012 since he has some experience in politics, he's good at belching hot air, he's extremely photogenic (after all, isn't that the most important qualification these days?), and he'll be cheap for the taxpayer. No need for a salary, pension plan, or health insurance... maybe just dental. His teeth are starting to wear out. But since George Washington had no teeth, I figure Cuzco is in good company.


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## Jake Levi (Jun 9, 2011)

Nanno when did you leave Allegany Cnty? I lived there and later Steuben before coming to Mi, now got 5 days and a wakeup before going to Wa. 

I never thought of being President for food, the present one is running up a huge fuel bill going all over trying caviar and lobster all over the country, and adding on room service tips, I'd do similar for much less travel which would save hundreds of millions, and would also have a much better WH garden, and introduce pack goats to the lawn, and the berrys for fertilizer ! 

that sounds like a winning platform ! And unlike the present occupant I know how to do all these things, and more ! 

It might be time for a career change.


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## Bob Jones (Aug 21, 2009)

[attachment=0:2aza1fyj]20110923_172606 (2).jpg[/attachment:2aza1fyj]

This is in the Uintas near the Divide lakes. We had set up camp and were out looking around. The white goat in the forefront is Pig.

I started my Presidential campaign in ernest last week. I held up the sign on the street corner. The backside said, "Obama, I'd trade jobs with you but you'd screw up my cardboard sign."

I just don't understand people. You go out there and make poinant political commentary and they treat you like a bum. People kept trying to give me money.


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## Jake Levi (Jun 9, 2011)

How much did you make??


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## Bob Jones (Aug 21, 2009)

Jake said:


> How much did you make??


Enough to fund my next cardboard sign.


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## Jake Levi (Jun 9, 2011)

Thats great !! 

A self supporting enterprise !!


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