# Looking for sympathy/appreciation



## Willow (Jun 12, 2011)

Part of me says I'm not supposed to want this or say this...but I'm looking 
for sympathy and appreciation.  Not getting it from husband...he seems to resent it when I work hard outside and feels bad/guilty because he cant do what I do. [He's 81 with health issues.] So he ends up yelling at me and complaining because I'm doing all this work. I just want support, thanks and appreciation....because I'm tired and worked hard. I just came in from cleaning the chicken coop, cleaning out all the old soggy poopy hay/savings from the goat pen [took hours of back breaking stinky work.]
and hauled in the hay and carried the 50 lb feed bags to the barn. Spread dried maple leaves in the pen where I cleared the poopy mess....Hauled the waste to the veggie gardens and spread it on the newly rotatilled [by me] ground. I love doing farm work. I like physical work and it needs to be done so our animals are clean and healthy. I just dont want to be criticized for doing it..and complained to because I work to hard. Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better already. :grouphug: please.


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## nancy d (Oct 5, 2007)

Im so sorry this is happening. You know it needs to be done & all the benefits from the work outs.
Its a good time to get some selective hearing. ( I have a theory abt folks like us; hearing & sight start failing cause ya just get weary of the negative)
For a long time I got really annoyed when my hubby wasnt cleaning up anything & when he did he missed half of it. Turned out he was legally blind in one eye due to cataracts. Got them removed & I sure felt lousy because there was a reason behind it.
Hang in there & keep on keepin on. :hug:


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## Mandara Farm (Sep 12, 2010)

Well, from one farm-gal to another, I can totally appreciate what you're doing, how hard it is, and also how satisfying, calming, and self-nurturing. If your husband eats eggs from the chickens, maybe that's something he can appreciate about what you do? It could be a start anyway :hug:


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## liz (Oct 5, 2007)

:hug: Sometimes what we do seems to be a "thankless" job....I feel the same way at times mainly due to my hubby's "they're your goats" attitude BUT knowing that each of those critters is healthy and happy makes the sore body feel a bit better :hug: 

As you had said though...your hubby would do those things if he could and his grumpiness is likely because he feels humbled because you are doing it all...even though you enjoy it.


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## potentialfarm (Apr 11, 2011)

I think you "hit the nail on the head" when you mentioned that he feels bad/guilty that YOU are doing it all. I think that's the way (some) men deal with things. They feel as though they should be doing it & it makes them feel bad to see us doing it. Sometimes they don't properly deal w/the way they are feeling... Over the last few years, my hubby bought me a new chainsaw & bought a new wood-splitter. Know what happens when he comes home from working all day & I've cut/split/stacked a pile of wood??? He feels guilty! 
I feel terrible that you are having to deal with being criticized & you especially shouldn't have to deal with being yelled at. Hopefully you can make him see that you love what you are doing...I tend to tell my husband that a lot...I needed to be outside (out of the house) working on this or that...it makes me feel better to get outside & accomplish something... You can absolutely vent here! I pray that things get better for you. :hug:


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## ettasmama (Jun 27, 2010)

Hopefully it is out of love and concern for you that he says these things. Can you talk up how much you enjoy the work and how good it makes you feel even thought it is hard and then maybe he will either voice his concerns or be more supportive? Naive I know.


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## KW Farms (Jun 21, 2008)

I have no advice...but... :hug:


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## lissablack (Nov 30, 2009)

You have sympathy and appreciation from me. I am amazed at how well all of you guys put up with husbands who in one way or another make things harder for you. I think it's great you are all able to do that, plus all the other things you do. I only take care of my animals, and I get help for the parts I can't do. It is so much easier than what you all do, and I think you are all terrific. My mother lived with me for 12 years and that was hard enough. I think you are all amazing. All of you, young ones, old ones, and in between ones. And the really luckiest ones of all of us have terrific husbands who are supportive, but I think that is hard to come by. One of these days I will probably come here needing emotional support because of being alone. Seems like the hugs are always here.


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## RMADairyGoats (Jun 20, 2011)

I also have no advice to give but wanted to say I'm sorry you have to deal with this :hug:


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## Burns Branch Boers (Apr 11, 2011)

:hug: I hope you feel better soon. Hopefully you can find some way to explain to him that it hurts your feelings-maybe he will understand? 

My husband is very supportive..but clean a goat pen??? No way! When I come in proclaiming that I have just cleaned the goats paddocks--both of them-he looks up from foot ball and says "thats what you were doing outside?" "When is dinner?" :laugh: So--neither side of the fence is green! LOL :angry:


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## Willow (Jun 12, 2011)

Hi Folks. Thanks for all the :hug: . I needed that. Yeah...many of you hit the nail on the head. He feels inadequate and its hard for him to be supportive when he feels that he should be out there working with me..or doing it himself. I get it but sometime I just want to be ackowledged..without his guilt or damaged male ego or whatever. Hey I tell him that he does great for an old guy! :laugh: He does the shopping and did all my father's [92] laundry today. I guess in his mind I'm doing the "man's work". But I've always done these things and I would rather clean a goat pen than set foot in a grocery store! Anyway, he came around and told me that I did a favorite great job and I was Wonder Woman and then went out and got us subs for dinner. So..I'll keep him  . Thanks to you all I got to vent...got my hugs ..and refrained from saying anything stupid to him which may have made things worse.

favorite quote;"Leave 'em alone and they'll come home wagging their tails behind them."


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## GingersMaMa (Aug 4, 2011)

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

I know your animals appreciate all that you do for them.... :thumb: 

As mentioned... I think it has alot to do with his ego...he wants to help you but cannot...a man wants to be the Man ..the strong hand....and when he is limited ...it hurts him ....so he gets angry( frustrated).....  
getting older isn't easy... it takes away things that where once easy to do ....and things that we once loved to do..are now taken away.....it does hurt....he see's his lovely wife and love... having to do it all by herself.... Sympathy is there my dear...as he is complaining and concerned for you.... It is alot of work ..I agree..... you can also tell him that... it keeps you healthy ....so you can take care of him as well.....tell him that you love him and that is why you do it .....it is the compassion and the will to get things done....and not to worry... that you are OK with doing it..... 

I will say ........great job girl... :thumb: ....that is alot of work you have done.... :thumb: :thumbup: :hi5: :hug:


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## JessaLynn (Aug 30, 2009)

Burns Branch Boers said:


> :hug: I hope you feel better soon. Hopefully you can find some way to explain to him that it hurts your feelings-maybe he will understand?
> 
> My husband is very supportive..but clean a goat pen??? No way! When I come in proclaiming that I have just cleaned the goats paddocks--both of them-he looks up from foot ball and says "thats what you were doing outside?" "When is dinner?" :laugh: So--neither side of the fence is green! LOL :angry:


My husband is exactly the same way.Well least we can come here and feel appreciated and have support and understanding


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## Willow (Jun 12, 2011)

Thanks all. After I read your posts I gave him the very thing I was wanting...thanks and appreciation for all he does and how I couldn't do what I do if he wasn't doing all the rest. I reminded him how much I love doing outdoor work and appreciate him for doing the shopping and much of the inside work. We talked a bit about work roles ands even laughed about it. He appologized for his misplaced anger. We are right back on track and I am grateful for your wisdom and support. :grouphug:


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## JessaLynn (Aug 30, 2009)

So good to hear!! :leap: :hug:


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## logansmommy7 (Nov 11, 2009)

You go girl....man's work or not, you did it, and you are awesome. AND, you should be acknowledged. Your goats say, THANK YOU MAMA!!!


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## nancy d (Oct 5, 2007)

And we all have a fair idea on how hard you DO work!


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

> Thanks all. After I read your posts I gave him the very thing I was wanting...thanks and appreciation for all he does and how I couldn't do what I do if he wasn't doing all the rest. I reminded him how much I love doing outdoor work and appreciate him for doing the shopping and much of the inside work. We talked a bit about work roles ands even laughed about it. He appologized for his misplaced anger. We are right back on track and I am grateful for your wisdom and support. :grouphug:


 Aww...that is wonderful to hear....and you are very welcome..... :thumb: :hug:


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## lissablack (Nov 30, 2009)

Perfect!


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