# A new level of fear...



## JenVise (Dec 7, 2012)

I am numb. That's the only word I can think to use right now. Numb. I can't even begin to think that people here (who don't really know me) would want to hear my story...but for anyone that wants to read it....Here it is.....

I am a nurse. I work 13 hour shifts on most days, and today was no different. Today, I overslept... I woke up 30 minutes late, jumped out of bed and on a pure adrenalin rush got ready for work. As I'm running the comb through my hair for the last time, I banged on the wall between the bathroom and my son's room to tell him to get up....I ran down the hallway and to my daughters room, banged on the door and told her I had to leave. As I'm running out the back door, I yelled one more time to ask if they were up...They both answered so I said have a good day at school and don't forget to exercise your goats when you get home....I love you....and I left. I didn't take time for a hug....I didn't look at their faces....I was in a hurry and I left....

I got to work just in time to stick my finger in the very annoying time clock that usually forgets who I am in the 10 or less hours that I'm away...It's very frustrated. It finally realized I am who I said I am and let me clock in. On the floor things went by as normal. Hospice patients who need attention. Families that are complaining because there's not enough attention to go around. Patients needing pain medicine. Therapy not understanding why someone is too sick to participate today. Doctors that think they were put on this earth to rule over nurses and love to try to make us bow to them. The list goes on and on. 

I will never, as long as I live, forget how my day progressed from there.... at 8:45 I got a phone call... Here is the only words that I heard... " There is someone in the school with a gun. The school is on lockdown and all of the kids are in hiding. " My legs could no longer hold me....everyone that was standing around was suddenly gone. The patients didn't matter... the families didn't matter....The doctors didn't matter.... Nothing mattered. I'm convinced that my heart stopped beating... I have NEVER in my entire life felt that level of fear!!! I have NEVER in my life forgotten how to breath... But in that moment I did..... I didn't take time for a hug....I didn't look at their faces... I just left.....

I called the school and finally got through to a teacher...she confirmed what I heard...I called the police dept and they also confirmed... Our children... Our babies...were hiding at school... HIDING from someone with a gun! HIDIDNG in a place where they should NEVER have to question their safty... HIDING for 2 hours scared for their lives. Apparently a student that was having problems with a teacher decided that the best way to fix that problem was to get rid of the teacher. When I heard this was going on, my mind went back to columbine....my mind went back to Sandy Hook.... Now saying all of this, In hind sight, No shots were fired. The police apprehended the student and everything turned out ok in the end.... But who's to say what could have happened... Who's to say? 

My children are home safe and sound. I just got home from work and I looked at their beautiful faces... I stared into their beautiful eyes.... I hugged them so tightly that I'm sure they thought I was trying to snap them in two. I guess what I'm asking from my TGS friends is to say an extra prayer tonight for our children in Fleming Co. Ky. For those kids that had to hide in cabinets and behind book shelves and under bleachers...from a gunman... for 2 hours today. For the kids that have to lay their heads down on their pillow tonight and relive that fear when they close their eyes. And say an extra prayer for the parents of those children who had to stare fear in the face today and didn't know if they would ever see their children again. Hug your kids guys....look them in the face... Tell them that you love them...cause who's to say???

I didn't take the time to hug them.... I didn't look at their face.... I just left.... and if will NEVER happen again!!!


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## PiccoloGoat (Sep 10, 2008)

Wow, I don't know what to say! 
At least we can be glad that nobody got hurt :hug: I'm sorry that you had to feel that way, being scared for your childrens lives.


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## JenVise (Dec 7, 2012)

I've cried more tears today than I knew was humanly possible...and now I am just numb....


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## Dani-1995 (Mar 11, 2011)

Wow that is very scary! My mom would have lost it if any of us had been in your.kids situation! I can't imagine how hard that was for them and you!

So glad it all turned out ok! People these days amaze me with what they think is ok to do.


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## NyGoatMom (Jan 26, 2013)

Jen, How awful!! I am soo sorry! Tell your kids I am so happy they are safe!
:hugs:


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## nchen7 (Feb 25, 2013)

wow. i can't even imagine. *hugs*


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## J.O.Y. Farm (Jan 10, 2012)

Oh my goodness! Jen I am so sorry you had to go through that! That is so scary.. I would have died if that were a child of mine..

So happy it all ended well :hug:


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## Tayet (Feb 9, 2012)

That's terrible! I'm so glad no one was hurt.


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

How terrible. I'm glad it had a good ending and no one actually got hurt. Reminds us all what is really important in life. :hug:


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## MsScamp (Feb 1, 2010)

I cannot even begin to imagine the terror you must have felt in that moment. I am so glad that no one was hurt.


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## Trickyroo (Sep 26, 2012)

Wow ! :hug: Prayers sent !


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## lissablack (Nov 30, 2009)

Thank goodness everyone is all right. I hope you will all be able to work through it and get your lives back to normal. It might be good to find out if there is come community service set up to help people with the fallout from it. Hope you can help your kids talk about it. Hugs to you from way over here in NM.


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## lillyhart (Mar 21, 2013)

WOW. So sorry that anyone has to go thru that. What is this world coming to? Prayers for everyone affected by this terrible act of stupidity


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## happybleats (Sep 12, 2010)

Oh Praise God no one was hurt...prayers sent for the children and their parents who also waiting 2 hours to hear their children were safe...prayers for the young man who thought a gun would solve his troubles...Oh how gracious our Father is to have held this situation in his hands and protected everyone..Big hugs tonight...and prayers...


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## Centermile (Oct 6, 2009)

Oh My Goodness ... there's just no words ... prayers for all are sent
I am so glad no one got hurt. 

I can imagine you'll be hugging those kids no matter what, for a long long time.

Kris


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## JenVise (Dec 7, 2012)

Thank you, everyone for your kind words. I have laid down to sleep several times, and I can't close my eyes. It all floods back. Happybleats, you are so right! I have thanked God so many times today, that I'm sure he's tired of hearing from me!! The numbness is gone...and replaced by an anger so great that my stomach is on FIRE and my head is threatening to explode. If our kids are not safe in such a small place as Fleming Co. Ky., then where are they safe??? I have checked on them so many times tonight and I know it's not like they are going to disappear from their beds. I feel so lost...and sick...and scared....and angry...and mostly sad. Sad that my babies...and they ARE babies.. are already worrying about going back to school on Monday when it's only Friday night... Sad that this situation was ever allowed to get to this point....Sad that this hit so close to home. Please keep me in your prayers, along with all of the other parents. This is going to take a minute to process...and as of now, I'm not doing so well with it!


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## Overplugged (Apr 12, 2013)

Prayers from Arizona. Glad that everyone is safe.


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## Wlschwallenberg (Jan 4, 2013)

So glad everyone is ok! :hug:


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## JenVise (Dec 7, 2012)

Thanks guys!! You guys are the best!!!


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## ThreeHavens (Oct 20, 2011)

Oh my word! Thank God they are okay ...


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## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

Oh wow, I am crying for joy that your babies are okay! :hug: Prayers for all the children and parents. Thank God no one was hurt!


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## Curious (Feb 6, 2013)

I can't even imagine just how terrifying that was for you and your little ones! (not to mention all the other children!) Prayers for all. I thank God that everyone was kept safe. :grouphug:


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## rdmtnranch (Mar 4, 2013)

Oh Jen, I am so sorry you guys had to go through that. What a nightmare! I pray that everyone can find peace with this in one way or another.


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## JenVise (Dec 7, 2012)

Just found out today that this child is in 7th grade... No charges are being filed against him... They are considering it a "mental health" issue. Go figure!! It's not that I don't think this young man needs help....He absolutely does! But we learn from our mistakes. We move forward and don't make the same mistakes, if we fear the consequences of those mistakes. What is this teaching the rest of these very impressionable children? To plead insanity?? WOW.... I am just baffled!!


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## lillyhart (Mar 21, 2013)

And that is exactly why it keeps happening. There are no real consequences. These children don't really fear anything in the world today anyways, and this is just proving to them that they can get away with it. I'm baffled along with you.


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## JenVise (Dec 7, 2012)

Today was a better day... We spent time outside and played with the goats. I can always count on the goats to get my mind off things.


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## liz (Oct 5, 2007)

Wow.... a definate eye opener, GREAT BIG HUGS to you Jen, I am sincerely grateful that you as well as other parents got to hold their kids after that awful ordeal. :hug:


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## Pixie13 (Mar 2, 2013)

Wow, I can't imagine having to face the fear you faced today!!! I am from Kentucky also. I hadn't heard anything about this. Will say a prayer for you guys. Glad your family is safe. It is such a scary world out there anymore. My little boy starts school this year, and things like this scare me to death. With all the terrible things that happen in schools anymore, makes a parent think twice about even sending there kids to public schools. It shouldn't have to be that way


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## Trickyroo (Sep 26, 2012)

You need to take more time playing with your goats Jen.
Its a stress buster for sure 
:hug: glad your feeling better


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## goatiegirl (Jan 7, 2013)

Wow! Every parents worst nightmare. You hear about this happening across the country and you think, not here. Not in my town! 
I can't even imagine what you must have been going through. I cried just reading your story. I pray for you and your children and all children that live in that fear.

Wish I had the words to comfort you! I am at a loss.
I hope you are all doing better today and find peace again!
God bless!


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## jddolan (Mar 31, 2013)

Wow so scary,I think off this often because we here of this more and more frequently,I have 2 girls in school and a wife who is a teacher,thank god everyone is ok,and we never know what today or tomorrow will bring.dont know what else to say,scary!!!


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## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

I was homeschooled all the way through school, along with the rest of my brothers and sisters (there are a lot of us, and not all are out of school yet). We have all loved it. If I ever have children, I am going to homeschool them for sure. It's a safer option, and homeschooled students often do better, academically and otherwise, because not only are they in a loving environment all day, but they also have a personal tutor (or two) available.  It's some extra work, but there are lots of homeschool curriculums out there that make it easier on the teacher and the student. IMO it's worth it to keep your children safer. Please do consider it!


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## Dani-1995 (Mar 11, 2011)

I was homeschooled too. I graduated back in February ... a few months earlier than my friends who are all going to public school. There are times I wish I had gone to public school... I'm very social and outgoing.and being homeschooled you aren't out and about a whole lot. Other times I like it... graduating early, days off when I need them, more time with my family. There are pros and cons to both... in all honesty I get along better with public school kids. All the homeschool kids I know are weird in my opinion... they like school and I hate it and some of the hobbies are umm... different. Although, I know some that are awesome but for the most part we talk but aren't really friends per se


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## Flamey (Mar 28, 2013)

I can't believe they aren't filing charges against him that's just crazy..If he has mental health issues maybe he needs to be someplace else..Praying for you and your family


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## happybleats (Sep 12, 2010)

we also home school...we have 8 kiddos...three are grown ..two still attending higher education (eldest son getting his PHD in computer science, the other mechanics degree) My daughter married five years ago and has a beautiful 2 year old...we still have five at home...Home school not only offers a safe environment but opportunities to excel. and for our 10 year old who is mentally challenged..she does not fall through the cracks but has a better chance to excel beyond what her drs said she could...Love it every time she proves them wrong ....public school would have her in a special needs class learning to tie her shoes...which she can do lol
I believe Home school is a great tool for every child...but it doesn't always fit every family. JenVis ..You had to live through 2 hours of every parents worse night mare...your kids lived through it too...I cannot imagine how I would react...what ever you decide..home school or not...You will choose the very best route for your family...Many blessings...


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## Dani-1995 (Mar 11, 2011)

I agree, homeschooling isn't for everyone. I'm not too sure I will homeschool my children but I'm not saying I won't either. I am keeping an open mind


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## JenVise (Dec 7, 2012)

I respect and envy all of the parents that can home school their children. I have always wanted to do that for my children and nieces, and nephews, and after Fridays events, that desire is magnified X 1000... However, I just do not see how that is possible with our family right now. My husband and I, both, have to work full time jobs, and we have a farm to take care of on our time off. I enjoy every second with my children, whether it be on the farm, or just goofing off. But I don't think it would be fair to them to take them away from their friends and still not be able to give them the attention that they deserve with their education. My son is 8 and will be entering the 5th grade....It is hard enough for his teachers to keep him challenged educationally, I just don't see how I could do this with the little time that I have to offer. My daughter is at the age where her friends are her life (so she thinks) She was sick for a couple of days last week and had to miss school. She could not wait to go back! That's all I heard for 2 days...I can go to school tomorrow mom...I'll just take medicine before I go... (she had a temp of 103!) Again...not fair to her. My stomach is in knots and my brain will not stop spinning, thinking about tomorrow morning. I can only imagine that getting up and leaving for work, knowing my kids are going to get on a bus and go back to school, is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done!! Continue to keep me and mine in your prayers, please...This is going to be a tough one to work through!


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## GTAllen (Jul 22, 2012)

Jen, I am so sorry you have had to go through this ordeal. I pray that will be better for you and your family as you progress through this challenge.

GT


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## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

:hug: I will be praying!



> My son is 8 and will be entering the 5th grade


:shocked: Smart kid!
And I totally understand about not taking them away from their friends. Friends are very important too!


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## JenVise (Dec 7, 2012)

Yes he is! I would like to take credit for that but i cant....but then again neither can his father... I don't know where he gets it from lol


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## StarMFarm (Jan 17, 2013)

I was tearing up reading your story. WOW is all I can say! We should never have to be afraid to send our children to school. That is supposed to be one of the safest places in the world for our children. I could only imagine the paralyzing feeling that you must have had come over you when you got that call. But I am so glad your children and everyone else's children and the teachers and staff are all ok. I am currently homeschooling my children this school year but was intending on sending them back to public school next year. Simply because I was thinking it would be better for them socially and mentally. But I am starting to really consider the idea of continuing to homeschool them. It can be hard and stressful at times but it can also be a lot of fun. It is a sacrifice our family makes financially as well, so that I can stay home and take care of the farm and homeschool the children but if it means my children are safe, I would give up anything. I am sending prayers up for your family, I know Monday will be a hard day for you. Give those babies extra hugs and kisses before they leave and know you have a lot of people here praying for you and all the other families. And OMG, no wonder things like this keep happening. If a child never gets punished for doing something wrong...there is no reason for them to change their behavior and no reason for others to fear repeating their offenses because they don't think there will be any repercussions. :hug: ray:


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## happybleats (Sep 12, 2010)

Jen you do not have to justify your choices...You do exactly what is best for your family .....You sounds like a wonderful mom...your kids sound like they are well raised and have a positive self esteem to be doing so well...I know you are proud of them and they are happy with their school....send them off Monday knowing that the whole Goat Spot Forum are praying for them and their class mates...


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## JenVise (Dec 7, 2012)

Thank you so much!! You guys are always so encouraging and uplifting... This is why I'm proud to be a member of this forum.




Edited: darn auto-correct...


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## Axykatt (Feb 1, 2013)

Oh Jen! :hug:

Still crying from reading your post. When my husband died suddenly of a heart attack at age 25 and I got the call at work I remember that the first thing I thought was, "The last thing I said to him was, I love you baby, have a good day." Afterwards that made a much bigger impact in my recovery than you would imagine. Reading your post I realized that the last thing I say to my son most days is, "Go Stridex your face."

I put all my fear and stress into my goats instead of being paralyzed by fear for my children. I don't think I could let them out of my sight otherwise. When it's raining and the school bus is late I suddenly need to go check Peggy Sue for bloat. When the kids are away and I can't reach their cell phones I have to find all my goatie babies and make sure they haven't caught in a fence or fallen in the pool. I know what I'm actually afraid of, but I can't even let myself think it. 

I don't think there are enough goats in the whole world to get me through a phone call like you got. I just want to drive to where you are and hug you and cry.


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## JenVise (Dec 7, 2012)

Well... We made it through the day. Things are not quite back to normal yet but it was progress... I only called to check on them once lol... I only shed a few tears this morning on the way to work and managed to pull it together for the rest of the day... The worst part was the phone... Every time it rang my heart stopped. But now we are home where we belong and we can breathe a little easier.


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## HoosierShadow (Apr 20, 2010)

Oh Jen, I am just now seeing this.... Wow, I can't even imagine the h*ll you all have been through  
This is my absolute biggest fear, every morning I get that sinking feeling in my stomach as I send my kids off to school....will they be safe? 
I thank God every day for getting them home to us safe & sound. 

Sadly, this is the world we live in  There is no more days of innocence. It's going to come down to our schools turning into prisons just to try and keep the kids safe - metal detectors, and searches before the kids can even get inside.


I remember when I was a teenager, I went to a city school and there was always violence - gangs, racism, bullies, etc. They did random pat downs once in a while, and brought in the K-9 unit. It was scary, but most everyone I know worried more about a search revealing and causing us to lose our walkmans! I remember the bus driver was always so nice to us, and allowed us to hide them in a storage compartment under one of the seats...
There were always fights in the lunch room, halls, etc. Gangs threatened to riot on the last day of my freshman year, and I have to say I was just over it. I begged and pleaded not to go back. 

But you know, never once did I worry about someone bringing a gun to school and trying to kill us! 

Times have changed in such an awful way. I'm terrified every day that I send my kids out to school  I used to never feel 'anxiety,' but lately, especially since Sandy Hook, I really get anxious, and feel a rush of emotions that make me so nervous sometimes it's hard to keep my thoughts to myself. 

It's not fare that our kids have to go through such horrible experiences. Why can't we get back some of the innocence they deserve? 
And it's not even just at the schools. Now you have to worry about them going to an event, or even a movie. 
I was at the Ky derby this past weekend, and I won't even tell you how many times the fear of something happening in such a large crowd went through my mind


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## JenVise (Dec 7, 2012)

Here is what makes me really sad...and even more angry since Friday. Here, in Flemingsburg, Ky, we have a new 11 million dollar Justice Center. It houses the Judges chambers and the clerks office. The Judge drives his car into the basement of the building where he is then escorted to his chambers without EVER having to come in contact with another human. On Friday morning at about 8 oclock, my husband stopped at the Justice center to drop off a tax payment that we had forgotten about. When he walked in, the door was guarded by 6 policemen. 6!! When he walked through the door, the medal detector went off. He emptied his pockets and tried again....again it went off. He told one of the policemen that it was probably his steal-toed boots....they made him roll his pants legs up to his knees and raise his shirt above the shoulders....again it went off....they made him take off his shoes...he FINALLY got in. It took him 15 minutes just to get in the building to pay the tax bill.... 15 minutes later, they were dispatching police both city and state to the school where some kid managed to get in with a gun!!! Tell me how this is Justice????? If they had taken 1 million dollars per school to invest in the security of our children in this county, that still leaves 5 million dollars to build a "Justice Center" to protect the judge!!!!


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## Dani-1995 (Mar 11, 2011)

I couldn't agree more! If they spent more money on the children's safety instead of public figures then the world would be.a.better place. Things like Sandy Hook could be prevented!


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## oxhilldairy (Mar 24, 2013)

I am so thankfull your family and the others are ok I could hardly images what I would do in that situation, being a kid in school its hard to think about what I would do I know I say I would do one thing but we all act different in different situations. it's so sick how people get the urge to kill absolutely disgusting I am so sorry your kids and you had to go threw that. Are the kids going back tomorrow? That's scary I know the kid is most likely in custody but its hard to go back to something like that. So sorry for what happened!


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## happybleats (Sep 12, 2010)

so happy their first day back went well....slowly things will go back to normal...almost...Friday will always be on their mind and ours...as it should be...kids need to be alert to the dangers of our society..not living fear..but be proactive..listen to what others are saying...watch what others are doing...be protective of each other..not being afraid...being in charge...sad that our kids need to think like a cop...but to be safe...they must. Many Blessings


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## sweetgoats (Oct 18, 2007)

I am just so happy things turnedn out fine. I can not imagine what you felt. 
I will say I learned a few years ago I never go without giving hugs and telling everyone I love that I love them. Thank the lord my grown kids don't mind and they tell me the same thing. You never ever know when the Lord Will decided he needs your loved more then you.


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## Goats Rock (Jun 20, 2011)

There is nothing that I can add that hasn't already been said, but I am so glad for you that your children are ok! Mine are all grown, except the college one, but I do have
little grand kids in elementary school and not a day goes by that I wonder when the violence will touch our rural farming community. It seems to have permeated every 
part of society.


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## JenVise (Dec 7, 2012)

Today was the first day that I didn't feel total trepidation when the kids got on the bus. I do have to say that they have bounced back so much faster than I have. Things are slowly going back to normal...and this is the last full week of school before summer vacation...Thank God!! I wanted to thank you all, again for all the support and prayers. You guys are amazing!


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## JenVise (Dec 7, 2012)

Kids are out for the summer!!! I can sleep easy tonight! Feeling relief!!!


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