# For Elise, little Toasted Marshmallow, and Brianna buck



## MsScamp (Feb 1, 2010)

Elise, you were a loud-mouthed, freakin' pain in the ass, but I loved you. You were an innocent casualty of this miserable, hellish year and my own stupidity. The rain wouldn't quit, then first cutting got hailed out. We had a buyer if we could get what was left baled green, but the flakes were so much bigger than normal. I thought I got all of the fermented mold out, but I obviously didn't, nor did I recognize the symptoms of goat polio until you were down and it was too late. I wish I could go back in time and make it right, but I can't. Good-bye pretty girl, I won't forget you. 5/26/11 - 06/19/14 

Brianna buck, you came into this world on a freakishly cold morning in May. I brought you into the house, got you warmed up, but your momma wouldn't accept you so I took on that responsibility. You were such a sweetheart! All you wanted was to be loved. I found you crying in pain last night, tried everything I knew to do, but it wasn't enough. Rest in peace sweet boy. 04/29/14 - 06/19/14

Sweet, beautiful little Toasted Marshmallow, what a little cuddlebug you were. At a little less than a week old I was doing the normal check and I knew something was wrong, but I wasn't sure what it was. I brought you in the house, called the vet, took in a fecal, tried antibiotics, gave you electrolytes, but nothing I did helped. I will never forget how you loved to snuggle up next to me on the sofa, on the front porch, even in the yard. You loved to rest your chin on me while drinking your bottle and sleeping. You never got to run or hop or jump or any of the other things babies do, and that just breaks my heart. I still hear your soft cry. Good-bye sweet baby. It's going to take me a long time to get over your death. 05/25/14 - 06/19/14


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## canyontrailgoats (Jan 4, 2014)

I'm so sorry msScamp! Losing three goats in one day? What a terrible experience...prayers and hugs to you during this depressing time :hug:


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## MsScamp (Feb 1, 2010)

Thank you. Yeah, yesterday flat out sucked!


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

I am so sorry. That just stinks. Some years its really hard to be a livestock owner. :hug:


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## Chadwick (Jan 24, 2014)

So sorry, I can't imagine.


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## happybleats (Sep 12, 2010)

Yikes.......3 in one day...Im so very sorry for your losses!!


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## MsScamp (Feb 1, 2010)

Thank you, everyone. :hug: :hug: I'm still reeling, and I have had about all I can take!


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## GreenMountainNigerians (Jul 3, 2013)

I'm so sorry for your losses and a horrible day. Hugs and more hugs❤


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## NyGoatMom (Jan 26, 2013)

Oh man....that is tough! :hug: Sorry for your losses


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## Trickyroo (Sep 26, 2012)

Im so sorry honey :hug: what a horrible time for you :tear:
I can't imagine the pain you are in , but i can offer a shoulder for you to cry 
So very sorry :hug:


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## dnchck (Mar 24, 2014)

MsScamp said:


> Elise, you were a loud-mouthed, freakin' pain in the ass, but I loved you. You were an innocent casualty of this miserable, hellish year and my own stupidity. The rain wouldn't quit, then first cutting got hailed out. We had a buyer if we could get what was left baled green, but the flakes were so much bigger than normal. I thought I got all of the fermented mold out, but I obviously didn't, nor did I recognize the symptoms of goat polio until you were down and it was too late. I wish I could go back in time and make it right, but I can't. Good-bye pretty girl, I won't forget you. 5/26/11 - 06/19/14
> 
> Brianna buck, you came into this world on a freakishly cold morning in May. I brought you into the house, got you warmed up, but your momma wouldn't accept you so I took on that responsibility. You were such a sweetheart! All you wanted was to be loved. I found you crying in pain last night, tried everything I knew to do, but it wasn't enough. Rest in peace sweet boy. 04/29/14 - 06/19/14
> 
> Sweet, beautiful little Toasted Marshmallow, what a little cuddlebug you were. At a little less than a week old I was doing the normal check and I knew something was wrong, but I wasn't sure what it was. I brought you in the house, called the vet, took in a fecal, tried antibiotics, gave you electrolytes, but nothing I did helped. I will never forget how you loved to snuggle up next to me on the sofa, on the front porch, even in the yard. You loved to rest your chin on me while drinking your bottle and sleeping. You never got to run or hop or jump or any of the other things babies do, and that just breaks my heart. I still hear your soft cry. Good-bye sweet baby. It's going to take me a long time to get over your death. 05/25/14 - 06/19/14


This is very, very,sad!! So sorry for your losses!!


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## Mamaboyd (Oct 10, 2013)

I am so sorry for all of your losses. Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way!


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## Goats Rock (Jun 20, 2011)

Geez, I know how losing one felt, and he was just a day old, I can't imagine 3. I hope things
get better for you. Sending good thoughts your way.


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## MsScamp (Feb 1, 2010)

Thanks guys.  I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your support and understanding. Laura, thank you so much for your kind offer. :hug: I'm afraid you would have been soaked from head to toe.


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## goathiker (Apr 14, 2011)

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I will never forget the punch in the gut I felt watching half of my herd die from poison plants in their hay many years ago. It feels like it's your fault, but, it's not. Chin up girl, it will get better soon I pray.
I know Laura well enough to know that if the 3 of us were together, we would soak all of us from head to toe just because of your hurt. :mecry:


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## kccjer (Jan 27, 2012)

What a crappy day. I am so sorry


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## luvmywaggintails (Nov 18, 2013)

So sorry for your losses. To lose one of our furry kids is hard enough but to lose three in one day is unimaginable. My heart goes out to you :blue:


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

I am so very sorry.


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## billiejw89 (May 7, 2014)

Wow, this is so sad. Sorry for your losses.


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## MsScamp (Feb 1, 2010)

goathiker said:


> I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I will never forget the punch in the gut I felt watching half of my herd die from poison plants in their hay many years ago. It feels like it's your fault, but, it's not. Chin up girl, it will get better soon I pray.
> I know Laura well enough to know that if the 3 of us were together, we would soak all of us from head to toe just because of your hurt. :mecry:


Oh God, Jill, I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I have an idea of how difficult that was because of my run-in with Q Fever, but disease is a lot different than losing animals to poisonous weeds in hay. That is sheer neglect on the part of hay raiser. I appreciate what you're saying, but Elise's death is absolutely my fault. When I saw something was wrong, my instinct told me it was goat polio. I didn't treat because the symptoms didn't fit. There was no circling, no dancing eyes, no going off feed, no excitability, no nothing except knowing something was wrong until she went down, and by then it was too late. I started treatment, but it didn't do any good. Somehow I know you are right on all of us being soaked. Thank you!

To everyone else who has offered support, understanding, and comfort - Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :grouphug: This has really rocked my world and I'm trying - and failing - to make some kind of sense of it and move on. I am so very angry - with myself, with God, with fate, with everything.


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## ksalvagno (Oct 6, 2009)

We are human. We make mistakes. Probably every one of us has at least one goat or other animal that we made a bad decision on and lost. All you can do is forgive yourself and learn for the next time. :hug:


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## MsScamp (Feb 1, 2010)

Thank you. :hug: I'm trying.


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## edenkay101 (Feb 18, 2014)

I am so sorry. My mom told me this things always happen on a farm and we can never get a break.


Eden Kay


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## luvmyherd (Apr 9, 2011)

I am so very sorry. Those losses are hard to endure. :tear:


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## Bertnut2 (Feb 9, 2014)

Wow my heart hurts reading this. Your words are always words full of strength and wisdom to me. I am so truly sorry this happened MsScamp. 


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## flannelberry (Jun 3, 2012)

Oh my goodness. I stumbled across this while searching for polio and I just wanted to add to the condolences. Three in one day is so awful. I am so very sorry for your losses.


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## MsScamp (Feb 1, 2010)

Thanks guys. I appreciate it.


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## Jessica84 (Oct 27, 2011)

I just saw it for the first time too  I am soooo soooo sorry  I hope the pain has eased some. 
You are such a strong woman. I consider myself strong but with you crap year and now this I really don't know what I would do. I lost 2 does in a month and I was ready to quit. You are such a good goat mama  
I sure hope this is the end of the crap storm for you.


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## MsScamp (Feb 1, 2010)

Thank you, Jessica. Losing Elise was my own fault and I cannot blame anyone but me for her death. Brianna buck was, as far as I can tell, simply one of those things that happens to any producer. I know that sounds harsh, but I think you know what I mean. It goes back to if you have them, you're going to lose some regardless of what you do. I had 83 kids born between April 29th and June 6th - it is unrealistic to expect to not lose some. I am still regularly cussing God for the loss of little Toasted Marshmallow, though. The loss of that little girl ripped the heart out of me, and He could have prevented it if He had chosen to! Every time I let Jill out, I see her laying on the bottom step where she loved soak up the sunshine. Every time I look at the kennel in the living room I see her standing there and hear her talking to me. Every time I see her twin, it brings it all back. She was so incredibly sweet and such a cuddle bug. It's going to take a long time to put it in perspective and get over losing her. That bastard in heaven couldn't even have the decency to allow her to die - He fixed it to where I either had to have her put down or watch her suffer. That is something I cannot and will not forgive.


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## Jessica84 (Oct 27, 2011)

I hate hate hate having to put anything down. I always second guess myself and have the what ifs but I know deep down it's the right thing to do. And you did the right thing. I don't blame you one bit for being so upset I just hope your heart heals soon  your whole thread broke my heart. I wish there was something I could do to help 


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## MsScamp (Feb 1, 2010)

I hear you loud and clear. I do the same thing. What if, what if, what if. Maybe tomorrow would have been the turning point, etc., etc., etc. In all honesty, you and everyone who has responded has helped a lot more than you probably know. Because of your response, I know there are people out there who care and who understand what I am trying to deal with - that helps a lot. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! :hug:


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## Jessica84 (Oct 27, 2011)

hugs back at ya 


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