# So angry and I hate to be angry...I always cry.



## GotmygoatMTJ (Apr 25, 2009)

I hate drama. But I need somebody to talk to about it. My parents were there but I dont want to talk to them about it anymore. I just need to vent I guess.

I guess I should start with saying, that I hate my brother. Hate is a powerful word but is in perfect use and context when I say it. I can't go into detail over why I hate him, as it is too personal, and painful, to say, but I can assure you would not like him either.

My brother is 21 years old, and lives in a camper in our backyard. He is banned to live in our house. But still lives there half the time...consuming our food, using our internet and television. So much for banned.

He has bad anger problems I would say. He can be so stupid. He used to beat trees with sticks and baseball bats when he was angry. Punch walls, the works.

Well today I was telling him that I went to see the new Breaking Dawn movie, as we are both fans of the series, and he was happy about it. I told him it was good and I really wanted to tell him one part (not into detail) that I thought was especially good. And he didnt want to hear it, he didnt want to know. Well then I just told him that it was good and he's just like I'm gong to smack you so I turn to go back into the kitchen where my lunch was and I turned back around and thinking he was going to pretend slap me, I let him. But he ended up slapping me REALLY HARD on both sides of my face. 

I yelled at him and let him know that it really hurt. AND IT DID. I have a very tender face. He was just like I didnt slap you that hard I barely touched you blah blah blah and he goes on telling me that I need to be in the real world. 
????? People get slapped in the real world? Really?

Anyways this fight goes on and on and it just ticked me off so bad. And my freaking tear ducts are hard wired to my anger so of course I'm heaving for air, stomach twitching from sobs. 

AND HE DOESNT GET PUNISHED FOR ANYTHING. Nothing. He just gets a stop it and my dad goes on about his way. This has been the way its always been.
He just can't see that having him here bothers me to no end.

I guess I vented....I'm just so angry.


----------



## GotmygoatMTJ (Apr 25, 2009)

He just came back in and said he was sorry.
BUT 
He told me I shouldn't have flown off the handle.
That I shouldn't have made him mad.
Held my tounge.


----------



## Breezy-Trail (Sep 16, 2011)

That is really sad. I almost cried.

I wouldn't want to live within 100 miles of a guy like that, I'm sorry you have to.

He obviously has no heart, which makes other peoples lives miserable.
I don't understand how people can turn so cold?

I will be praying for you.

How would something like that make him mad?
If a little thing like that makes him mad, he is not going to go very far in this world(before he ends up jail). Sorry to say something like that.


----------



## freedomstarfarm (Mar 25, 2011)

I am sorry that you have to deal with that!! :hug:


----------



## GotmygoatMTJ (Apr 25, 2009)

Thank you both. :hug:

Jesse- I really wish he would go to jail. I'm waiting for it to happen. Don't be sorry about saying it. He has always been like this. He actually wanted to actually slap me, but luckily my dad showed up. I kind of egged him on about that though....I could have handled the slap...if he would get kicked out. I know that is bad, but I would be so much happier without him here. He is a continuous form of stress for me.


----------



## KW Farms (Jun 21, 2008)

Aww...i'm sorry. :hug: That's hard when you have to be around someone like that. There's really not much you can do in this situation except maybe talk with your parents in private about it. Of course I don't know what you're relationship is with you folks...so that may not help. I am glad to hear he apologized though.


----------



## nancy d (Oct 5, 2007)

.There is absolutely NO excuse for this!! Can you (would you) inform your parents that if it happens again you WILL call police. Meantime if there's any bruising right now get a pic so you have documentation.
Do your parents know of this recent incidient?
They need to know.

Let me add that while an apology was made, he still put the blame back on you. It was not an apology.
People like this can become serious abusers. Your brother needs help.


----------



## GotmygoatMTJ (Apr 25, 2009)

I have a great relationship with my mom. My dad seems to always be on my brother's side, but is not abusive. I don't have bad parents, I just have a crazy brother. There is no bruising, but the slaps did sting for quite a while after the incident.

My mom wants him out just as much as I do, but my dad is reluctant. My dad walks on eggshells around him to keep him happy. I wont do that. I am not one to shut up about it when I know what I am saying is right.


----------



## GotmygoatMTJ (Apr 25, 2009)

Oh and his apology....ehh...forced. He more or less just came back in to tell me that I need to keep my mouth shut so he doesn't get angry.


----------



## mistyblue (Nov 13, 2008)

No, no, no....this is a abusive relationship. How old are you, if you are still a minor this is even worse. There should be no I'm sorrys, no walking on eggshells by your father or anyone else in the household. This is not your fault, in any way, shape or form. This is what an abuser does, tries to make the other person feel like it is their fault. You are already making excuses for him, this is not right, this is not your fault, you did not egg him on enough for it ever to be right for him to hit you and yes a slap is a hit.

As a former police officer I have seen way to much of this. You call the police next time this happens, if you or your parents are worried about him coming to the the house, you get a restraining order. He is 21 and an adult, let him find some place else to live. Because I am telling you that this is going to get alot worse and never better.

I have alot more I could say on this subject but I am going to leave it as it is. Just PLEASE, PLEASE take that step and get the help you and your family needs.


----------



## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

The thing of it is though....you egg it on ....which doesn't help... so it escalates to a higher level of anger....so he explodes....We cannot let him get to that point....
It always takes two to tango....brothers and sisters do fight and argue....it is just how life is...I have been there.......but... if you are getting hurt and experiencing major bruising ..marks ect ..from it .....and feel that your life is threatened....the police need to intervene... before you are put into the hospital by him.....Seeings how your parents don't feel it to be a problem or won't listen to what you are saying... and you feel it is a danger to you...then you need help by other means...

Counseling may help as well...for the family...

We are only hearing one side of it and can't witness what is happening.... 
If it is normal Sybyl rivalry...... leaving no marks or bruises then.... from now on... be the bigger man ..sort of speak...and just walk away...keep your distance....if he wants to start an argument... just walk away.....don't stoop that low.... it isn't worth it....that will bother him more... than actually fighting with him face to face... he may just give up and leave you alone... cause it isn't fun for him anymore.... :hug:


----------



## KW Farms (Jun 21, 2008)

Can I ask...does this happen frequently...this kind of stuff...slapping, punching, anything like that or is it all verbal up until now? 

What I was assuming earlier was it was more of a sibling rivalry kind of thing and you said it wasn't an actual slap...so I assumed he kind of did it just to taunt you. 

Is there a relative you could talk with or another adult in your life that knows more about your family that you feel comfortable talking to? I know it's good to vent and if you have no other place to do so...a forum is an easy place, but for advice, since we can only see part of the story and don't know you or your family personally...if you need serious advice...and in this case I think you do...it would be wise to talk with someone you know that can help you. There can only be so much help given through a forum. :hug:


----------



## Willow (Jun 12, 2011)

There is no excuse for hitting. You dont make him mad. He makes himself mad. No one deserves to be hit. Anger should never get to that point. His appology/veiled threat is a classic example of the cycle of abuse. Anger, physical violence, verbal assault, followed by an apology. If this is a pattern you need help to break out of the cycle. And he needs to get help for his anger/violence issues. It sounds like your parents are victims of his moods and they need help too seting boundaries with him. I agree that unless their is a major change in the pattern that things will most likely continue and get worse. Take care. If you are a student is there a guidance counsellor that you can talk to?


----------



## Mandara Farm (Sep 12, 2010)

Please listen to Nancy D and MistyBlue about this. It is an abusive relationship. You are not responsible for your brother's anger, no matter if there is sibling rivalry or not. An adult knows how to handle themself, even when "taunted." I dont know how old you are, but he is 21. He's an adult acting out like a giant 2 year old. That's nonsense in my book, and if your parents can't put a stop to it, please be prepared to call the police to intervene because MistyBlue is right -- it won't stop or get better just because you're walking on eggshells. 

:hug:


----------



## GotmygoatMTJ (Apr 25, 2009)

Thank you all for everything you have said to me. I agree with all of you. I do not walk on eggshells around him, and neither does my mom. I think thats what sets him off the most, because we give him the cold hard truth instead of a pretty painted picture. 

There is a history of anger. He has never punched me, but he can be very forceful and cant control his strength. Hence why the slaps hurt. He may have meant them in play, but they hurt me, and I let him know it.

I am no longer in school, and am almost 19 years old. I have dealt with his anger since I was a little girl. He has ADHD and no longer takes medication for it. My freshman year of high school I finally told my parents a secret I had been holding in since I was 10. My dad's decision on that was to kick Jon out of the house, but into the camper in the backyard, and make me go to counseling. Counseling never helped. Just seemed like she was more interested in making me relive it over and over than actually helping me. So needless to say I got out of there, and never went back.

I WILL call the cops next time he decides its time to throw his anger at us. I am not going to sit back and let him verbally or physically abuse me any more. I am sick of it. I just want peace.


----------



## RunAround (Feb 17, 2008)

No, don't wait till next time. If there is bruising you need to go down to the police station and file a report asap. Not next time, people always say next time, but you need to make it This Time. 

Has your brother been checked out for any mental disabilities?? That could be a reason for the way he acts. I'm not defending him, but maybe he needs physiological and medical help on this.

:hug:


----------



## GotmygoatMTJ (Apr 25, 2009)

No bruising. He has never left a bruise on me. Only mental scars.

He has not been examined for any mentail deficiencies, and I don't think we can make him get one either.


----------



## RunAround (Feb 17, 2008)

Yes, you actually can make him get one. If he gets arrested for assault and battery and does anything like say he is going to hurt himself or others they are obligated to have him held and physiologically checked wether her wants it or not. He pretty much looses all rights in order to protect him from hurting himself or others. It's a lot more complicated than this, but it can happen.


----------



## GotmygoatMTJ (Apr 25, 2009)

I dont know what I should do? I just told my mom this. She says he has been treated for depression, but thats about it.


----------



## Breezy-Trail (Sep 16, 2011)

Have you heard of Schizophrenia?

My uncle used to be schizophrenic. He was moody and would have anger fits.
His two older sons were "forced" to do certain things (like work and work hard).
He would get angry, slam the door and leave. Then come back later to "set things straight".

My uncle didn't like to be this way, but never got help. He couldn't handle it anymore and committed suicide.


----------



## KentuckyGirl (Sep 21, 2011)

I'm so sorry to hear this. :hug: I agree with everyone else, report now. Too many situations end badly because someone decided to wait until next time.


----------



## HoosierShadow (Apr 20, 2010)

I'm so sorry this happened to you  I can't believe your parents let him do this, if he had been my brother and smacked me, my dad would have had his butt pinned to the wall and a fist in his face, and my father is NOT a violent person. BUT he won't stand for a man putting his hands on a woman. Trust me I've seen my dad pin my brother to the wall before, and I can't remember who it was, but he had done something to either my mom or his girlfriend. Scared me to death, but I tell ya, my brother never disrespected my dad again. 

Your brother needs anger control management. He needs help. I've known people like this, and I tell ya it's a roller coaster ride! And the bad thing is they really don't think they are in the wrong because their anger has such a control over them, that I truly believe some don't realize how mean they are getting, like it's a void in space that they really can't see as it's happening. 
Of course there are others who just don't care. 

Good for you to stand up for yourself, but I hope and pray it doesn't get more violent than a smack, because in all seriousness, he could probably really hurt you and his anger would get the best of him. Please PLEASE be careful!

So I have to agree with others. REPORT HIM. I really am scared to think what he might do and is capable of doing because of his anger. IT's a disease, and they do have help for people like him.


----------



## Goat Song (May 4, 2011)

I'm afraid I have no advice to voice here... Just a hug for ya', and hoping that things will start to change for the better somehow. :hug:


----------



## nancy d (Oct 5, 2007)

Gotmygoat we're all in your corner. We care about you. Hugs & prayers.


----------



## StaceyRosado (Oct 5, 2007)

obviously something happened in your past that was bad enough - a restraining order should be in place!


----------



## GotmygoatMTJ (Apr 25, 2009)

Thank you all for your kindness and support. :hug:

Stacey- you're right that there should be a restraining order. But how do I get one over something that happened nearly 9 years ago? Or that I have no bruising to prove my case? My mom could probably help with this, but I doubt my dad would. My dad is a coward-hate to say. All he did was pat me on the back when I was crying. I know he cares, but he just can't do anything to his baby boy. I have an older half brother that he kicked out at 18 because my brother pinned something on him that he didnt do. Jon(21 year old) never got anything but a firm talking to, and was moved out to the camper. How is that right?!


----------



## StaceyRosado (Oct 5, 2007)

Well you wont know until you go to the police. THat would be my first step


----------



## freedomstarfarm (Mar 25, 2011)

I agree to go to the police. At first I was reading this as normal sibling rivalry but upon rereading and the new comments you have made it is clear that this is much more than normal! WHen you go to talk to the police officers some may not be compassionate or understand others will.


----------



## Mandara Farm (Sep 12, 2010)

RunAround has made an excellent point. Your brother may need psychiatric help. The counselor you had back then was in a position where he/she could have intervened on your behalf with the authorities to get your brother held for testing. I'm sorry that didn't happen, but it's not too late to get help for yourself -- and for him too.


----------



## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

Praying that it all works out.... it is a very stressful situation .....We are here for you..... :grouphug: ray:


----------



## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

That is horrible. I am praying for you. :hug:


----------



## luvmyherd (Apr 9, 2011)

Right there with you GotmygoatMTJ. Only it is my husband's brother. A true psychopath with no conscience. Your story sounds so much like my husband's at your age. I will not go into all the stories but it has been 40 years that I have known him and nothing has changed. Nothing has ever been his fault. Though he has lived off of the government for over 60 years it is only because he could never find a decent boss.
Their mother has taken him back in repeatedly over the years only to be abused over and over. We severed relations with him over 15 years ago.
In the 90's he actually got my husband convinced that he wanted a relationship and ended up moving in with us along with his teenage daughter (the product of a relationship he had with a 16yo when he was 36). After he abused his daughter in front of my children my world fell apart as my husband, totally under his spell, took his side.
Three years of therapy later we reconciled but our lives were never the same again.
He still insists that we owe him an apology. He is very ill and in a care home and MIL keeps trying to get us to *make our peace* with him. It will not happen.
I do not share this story often but with what you have said I feel you need to know. What others have said is true. This will not change and you must protect yourself.


----------



## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

I agree with what others have said - he may have a health or mental condition that is mostly to blame.
The solution may be as simple as a food allergy. I speak from personal knowledge here. My mom's dad had a horrendous anger problem - until he found out it was caused by sugar. He never eats anything containing sugar anymore. (He can have honey and some other natural sweeteners, just not sugar.)
My parents are both gluten intolerant (and I think I am too). I know that gluten intolerance can contribute to almost every health problem you can think of - other food allergies, skin problems, digestive problems, depression, cancer.
A number of years ago, my mom herself had a problem with anger (and also several other symptoms, such as extreme tiredness) and finally found out it was because she had hypothyroidism. She now takes medicine for it, and is so patient she astonishes me. It's natural too, not put on. She's like a new person.
It's very much worth leaving no stone unturned to find a cause for the problem. It would be terrible to find out, too late, that his life could be changed by something as simple as a change in diet.
Still praying for you and your family. I hate family problems.


----------



## Mandara Farm (Sep 12, 2010)

Another excellent point! When my son was 18 months old, a friend gave him a natural looking granola-type bar at a picnic and the next day my son was a totally different little boy -- acting out hitting kids twice his age (and size), and totally unable to listen or even hear me. Wow. It took a few incidences to isolate the ingredient: high fructose corn syprup. That stuff is just Satan in a Syrup as far as I'm concerned. It's completely undigestable. Needless to say, we dont have any of it in our house and my son, now 5, is very careful to always ask first if he's unsure because he hates how he feels when he's got it in his system as much as I hate dealing with him when he's got it in his system. Unfortunately, if your brother is convinced that the problem is 'out there' he may never bother to seek any kind of food testing alternative. But, never say never. It's good to at least know what possible options are just in case...


----------



## GotmygoatMTJ (Apr 25, 2009)

Thank you all again (soo much!) for everything you have said and the options you have given me.

A food allergy could very well be it. It could deffintely be sugar causing the anger. When we were younger he was always a little off the wall, and sugar could have been the culprit. I know he eats a LOT of junk food now. Lots of sodas, lots of candy, snacks etc. He is not exactly a healthy eater. I am afraid to talk to him about it, anything that could make him angry. But I know it should be done. I'll just have to make sure my mom and dad are there first. It would be nice if my father was on my side about this, but he would rather not make him angry. 

Thank you all again for your support. I feel so much better having gotten all of this off my chest. I was a wreck yesterday. Today I can talk about it with out tearing up. I'm usually a very strong person, but stuff like this just gets to me.


----------



## freedomstarfarm (Mar 25, 2011)

:hug:


----------



## Mandara Farm (Sep 12, 2010)

>>>I'm usually a very strong person, but stuff like this just gets to me.

Stuff like this would get to anybody. Besides, crying cleanses the soul, right? :thumb: 

:hug:


----------



## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

:hug: ray:


----------



## luvmyherd (Apr 9, 2011)

No matter what the cause; YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!!! There is all kinds of help out there for all kinds of problems, but; they do no good unless the person themself 
1.admits there is a problem and 
2.wants help for said problem.
I have, in my life, seen people turn their lives around. But only when they were ready to seek help for themselves. My brother-in-law was forced into therapy as a teenager. He has alway resented it. As an adult he has never sought help because he sees nothing wrong with his behavior.
I wish the best for your family but I hope you will heed the advice given by so many here. Please take care of yourself nomatter what anyone else in your family does.


----------



## lissablack (Nov 30, 2009)

Is there any hope you can find a way to leave there? And still have a good relationship with your mother? You are old enough, if you can afford it and find a way to do it. I expect keeping the goats is the biggest problem. You need a chance to grow up in a good healthy place and make a life for yourself. You sound very strong to me, and I applaud you. Hang in there and avoid him as much as you can. Hitting anyone is not okay, no matter what anyone thinks.

Calling the cops might help.


----------



## Jessica84 (Oct 27, 2011)

I swear, no joke I just read a story of me and my brother. My brother has a temper, and I think my dad puts up with it for the fact of not to get into a boxing match with his son. Now my brother doesnt live in the back yard, but is here often (we have a VERY active working ranch). What I do, and It might not work for you but tell him 'that realy hurts dont do that' and dont talk to him any more. with my brother, I do belive he loves me he just has issues and usualy comes around. No one likes to be ignored and might realy get to him. I also see my brother ending up in jail, and I dont hate him, just simply dont like him most of the time, and I couldnt even think of being the one to put him there, BUT if he ever hit me out of anger, I would call the cops, right after beating the crap out of him with a base ball bat. Your brother is 21 I think I read, that is way old enough to know what comes with hitting anyone.


----------



## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

@luvmyherd: Right on! If someone doesn't want help, then forcing them will just make it worse.  He should be given the option though.
@Gotmygoat: You don't necessarily have to be the one who does the talking. You know who your brother respects most and is most likely to listen to. It sounds like it won't be easy. :hug:


----------

