# Quirky Milkers



## Delilah (Jan 6, 2013)

Has anyone had experience with milking a doe who might be a bit weird?
And by weird I mean she'll only let down for certain people, or she has a certain ritual she needs to do before getting on the stand.

Currently I have a doe who when people other than me milk her she won't let down, instead she makes them work for it by demanding lots of massaging and grain. Then once she's happy with whatever they've done to please her she'll drop her ears and start chewing her cud and then suddenly the milk is all there.
Another doe we have is a squatter; meaning that no matter what you do she is determined to almost sit in the bucket as you try to milk.
We have another one who if a fly lands on her she throws a fit. She starts tap dancing and kicking. But I tend to do the same thing so I can't really blame her.
Occasionally when we let two does in to milk one of them rushes to the stand that they aren't usually milked on. When that happens the other doe who normally uses that stand will jump up on it and try to shove her way past the other goat. Which will result in a "milk fight" sort of like a bar fight but instead it's over who gets milked on that stand.
Then of course we have our does that are grain crazed; meaning that no matter what you do they are determined to shove past the gate running over anyone or any other goat in their path of destruction to the grain.
But I can't forget the "normal" ones; they aren't concerned with much. Occasionally they won't even be there waiting for their turn to be milked. Instead they're in a spot not too far away chewing their cud and enjoying the entertaining scene of milking time.

If you have any interesting milk time stories or just entertaining goats you've milked in general feel free to share!


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## ThreeHavens (Oct 20, 2011)

Yep - the doe who is now retired used to only let down for my mom. Not me. :lol: And I thought we were friends. :laugh:

Then I have one doe who likes the hand-pump, but not hand milking. She has to be hobbled for that. And another doe who is great until the dog so much as coughs from inside the house. Then she freaks out.

Goats are so weird.


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## WitchHazel (May 5, 2015)

Our doe likes to sit down on the pail if she doesn't get milked by my mom. Soaks her udder and everything! She has a nice soft udders, though....

She also likes to scare us with her grain: if she gets bored, she sticks her nose in the pan and FLINGS it off the stool. My ducks and geese love it, because all the wasted grain gets swept off the deck onto the ground!


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## Delilah (Jan 6, 2013)

ThreeHavens said:


> Yep - the doe who is now retired used to only let down for my mom. Not me. :lol: And I thought we were friends. :laugh:
> 
> Then I have one doe who likes the hand-pump, but not hand milking. She has to be hobbled for that. And another doe who is great until the dog so much as coughs from inside the house. Then she freaks out.
> 
> Goats are so weird.


Oh dear 
I agree, goats are very weird!


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## Delilah (Jan 6, 2013)

WitchHazel said:


> She also likes to scare us with her grain: if she gets bored, she sticks her nose in the pan and FLINGS it off the stool. My ducks and geese love it, because all the wasted grain gets swept off the deck onto the ground!


We used to have a doe similar to that, but instead of flinging the grain she would purposefully shove the grain out of her pan or take a big mouth full and drop it on the floor. We ended up having to use a lid from a grain can to try and catch her spilled grain so that she would stop feeding the rats.


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## Little-Bits-N-Pieces (Apr 7, 2013)

You know, the goats I get from my friend all have their weird little quirks. She'll tell me some only like one grain, some like two different ones and you can't mix, you have to split it down the middle, some don't like being milked a certain way, etc. I laugh and get them to my house, and that'll maybe last a couple day, maybe a week or two at most, and then they're a completely different goat. 
After they get here, a bomb could go off underneath them on the stand and they wouldn't skip a beat :lol: 

All the babies raised here are like that when they're born, the horses actually keep breaking the fence down and getting into the goat pen, the goats don't even bat an eye. And I've had foals in with them before, calves, mini cow, etc. The dogs go in there and wrestle with each other, chickens fight, they just don't care anymore. :lol:


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## top_goat (Sep 16, 2014)

What a great thread! These stories have me laughing off my chair and thinking I don't have it so bad...maybe my girls aren't too far off "normal" after all! LOL


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## Jasmar (Mar 28, 2015)

Aside from flinging her grain pan, our milk doe also eats a big trench around the ProBios powder I sprinkle on top.


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## WitchHazel (May 5, 2015)

top_goat said:


> What a great thread! These stories have me laughing off my chair and thinking I don't have it so bad...maybe my girls aren't too far off "normal" after all! LOL


Just wait-- tomorrow someone will probably decide that clouds are made of anthrax!


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## Delilah (Jan 6, 2013)

Little-Bits-N-Pieces said:


> You know, the goats I get from my friend all have their weird little quirks. She'll tell me some only like one grain, some like two different ones and you can't mix, you have to split it down the middle, some don't like being milked a certain way, etc. I laugh and get them to my house, and that'll maybe last a couple day, maybe a week or two at most, and then they're a completely different goat.
> After they get here, a bomb could go off underneath them on the stand and they wouldn't skip a beat :lol:
> 
> All the babies raised here are like that when they're born, the horses actually keep breaking the fence down and getting into the goat pen, the goats don't even bat an eye. And I've had foals in with them before, calves, mini cow, etc. The dogs go in there and wrestle with each other, chickens fight, they just don't care anymore. :lol:


Calm goats...*sigh* so jealous...
It probably helps though that Alpines most likely have brains...where as the Nubians...well not so much. They prefer to go running and screaming rather than calmly checking things out like our Toggs and Manchas.


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## goathiker (Apr 14, 2011)

http://www.thegoatspot.net/forum/f193/barbara-gene-123185/


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## groovyoldlady (Jul 21, 2011)

Wait...You mean there are NORMAL goats out there? If so, I haven't had one yet!


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## lottsagoats1 (Apr 12, 2014)

None of my does will allow anyone else to milk them, which means I can't go anywhere while they are in milk. 

Most of mine will fight for the milk stand when I let them out to tie up on the picket line. The Manchas, Oberhasli and Alpine will go to their spots, the Nubians run around like "OMG, OMG what do I do???? I am free, where do I go, what do I do?" Same ritual for the past 3 years. Nubians are stupid.

Some of my goats will spook easily, others don't care of a bomb went off outside their pen. We have a lot of neighbors who shoot or use fioreworks, so my place is usually pretty noisy. My dogs howl all the time as do the local coyotes. The goats don't care.

I have a couple who will push the grain out of the feeder, so for them I have a large bucket hanging from the top of the head peice. They can't push it out of that.

My late herd Queen had her previous owners hoodwinked. She refused to stand to be milked unless they sang to her. That lasted about 3 days with me. I did make up horrible songs about what I would do to her if she didn't stand still. I purposely sang off key too. Finally she surrendered and stood still while I milked her without the serenade.


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## Bree_6293 (Aug 4, 2014)

I think my 2 does i milk are pretty normal! They are only milked once a day as they still have kids on them. And they have never been milked before coming here. 
Gretal will scream in the morning until I'm out there and the. Quite. She has to be milked 2nd. Hilda gets all fidgety once she sees me. I open the gate and she flies out to the milk stand and jumps up skidding to the front and head straight through ready to go. But her kid is not allowed to come with her into the milking pen. She is quick and easy to milk and just simple. Although she is happier if I have my iPod playing for her. She prefers the fast pace songs. Once I'm done I undo her and once she is finished she hops down and walks herself back to the pen. I open the gate and hilda goes in and Gretal comes out with her twins. She wonders into the milk pen. Looks at the milk stand, then at me and just stands there. I change the music to sleep music, so rainforest music or anything similar. She looks for her kids to make sure they are still there and then hops up walks slowly to the front and starts eating. Has to be done up the same way every time.. Then milk her and she is really good. Once she is released she stands there for a bit and calls her kids. Once they come over and start playing on the stand she hops down and walks back to her pen. She walks in and leaves her boys behind.


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## TexasGoatMan (Jul 4, 2015)

*Weird Goats*

I guess I am too old fashion or something but having milked cows from my youth up til now, by hand, I enjoy milking a goat. They don't hit you in the face or back of the head with runny dung on the long tail hairs. When a goat kicks, it is only a little stomp, a cow knocks you backward and it hurts like the devil . Cow seem to always need to do both acts of the discharge of body fluids and compost. So I love my goats. My goats love the feed, the browse, good hay, fresh water and treats and give me no problems. Like I stated, having been use to cows for so many years I built something strong and stout. I built my goat milking stand out of heavy metal. Heck a 1200 lb cow can stand on it and not break it down. The head lock is all 11 gage square metal and there is not any give in it. Maybe a little over kill for goats huh?? Anyway I can sit on the sides of it and have plenty of room for me and the goat.:laugh: So I will laugh at the previous stories and wait to see how my goats continue to act.


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## AncientBlue (Dec 21, 2014)

One of my does is GREAT in the stand even though she was a FF. I can't wait to see how she does this year as a 2F. The other one was a nightmare as a 2F when I got her. At one point she sat on my head as I was trying to milk her. I found that when she tried to sit down, I'd apply pressure to the top of the tail. Kinda pinch it but not that hard. It made her stand back up. She does prefer the milker rather than hand milking. I use a dansha farms milker with her. She's my herd queen and a bit skittish, so I expect crazy behavior from her. I call her my doe-nut. :laugh:


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## Goats Rock (Jun 20, 2011)

I quit feeding on the milk stand because of the grain flinging! And, because it takes way too long for them to eat.
I had to get rid of a Nubian that would jump up on the stand one day and the next act like it was a rattlesnake! Boy, she gave me fits! I think she was one of those schizo goats! I got her as an adult and I don't think she was ever taught any manners. (or she was just plain dumb- one or the other!)


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## EScherer20 (Jan 13, 2015)

I love reading these posts. They make me laugh. I have two NDs that are both FF and I have never milked before. I was SURE that I was going to have one nightmare milker but somehow I did something right and they are both good girls. The one I thought would be a sitter stands perfectly and just wants her animal crackers at the end. My feisty one does have to have a leg tied because she thinks she can kick me off like she does her kids. She has to be milked first because she is a piggy and always thinks she is starving. I live in the city and try my best to keep things quiet at 6 a.m. I did have to give in and let the kids nurse for 20 seconds (I do count) before I take one doe and lock up the other. Then the kids get their grain. All was quiet until the boys got castrated, now my singleton cries for his mommy because he isn't busy molesting his cousins anymore. The things we do for our beloved goats!


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## Blackbird (Oct 10, 2015)

I have two Nigerian does that I milk. One is a dream on the stand. I've never even had to put her in a stantion. She hops up and calmly eats her grain while I milk then hops down and goes out of the milk room. The other doe has seasons of compliance. She's very jumpy when first milking after kidding ( I start when the kids are about 2 weeks old) she lets me get started then pulls away, turns around, faces me and gives me a look with a mouthful of grain as if to say, "You have no right to be messing with my teats!" I tried putting her on a short chain at the head of the stand since we don't have a stantion, but she still danced around. I just, stop milking for a few seconds and she goes back to eating and let's me milk a few more minutes until she repeats the process. She got better as the months went on, but then we got the new buck and she came in heat and was impossible for a few days. Once she was bred she settled right down. She still won't stand all the way through a milking and we call her "Dancing Mable". I've already started conditioning my two little doelings by always massaging their udders when I am giving them their daily petting.


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## VVFarm (Dec 14, 2015)

Nubians are stupid? What a relief! I thought someone had dropped my girl on her head. Now after reading this thread I think it may just be a breed characteristic. 
She forgets how to get on the milk stand. Or even that she's supposed to get on it. Every. Single. Day. 
She acts so confused and flustered, "What do I do?!? What am I supposed to do?!"
Needless to say, she's not my favorite. 
My favorite doe runs ahead, jumps up and stands quietly while anyone milks her, then nicely goes back to her pen. She's a dream to handle but it wasn't always that way! She used to be a horrible bucket-kicker. I lost more milk than I kept with her. I tried everything! I was a model patient farmer... Until the day I'd had ENOUGH. I grabbed the empty, dripping milk pail and proceeded to clobber the goat. While screaming incoherently. My husband heard the commotion from across the yard. Not my proudest moment ;-) Since then, she's been a delight. (And I haven't hit a goat since)


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## deerbunnyfarm (Dec 14, 2015)

This thread is so funny!!

I have actually heard that Nubians are "dumb". Lol. They're so pretty and adorable but their reputation for being the extra loud ditzy goats makes me steer clear! My minimanchas figured the milkstand out on the second try. I open the door, they file in, jump up, head through, no kicking or anything. It's pretty sweet.


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## VVFarm (Dec 14, 2015)

I love their ears, roman noses & friendly character. But my dumb one is exasperating. 
My girls really aren't too loud. My new doe almost never makes a sound. She's actually pretty smart too. I can hardly wait to see how she does on the milk stand!


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## goatblessings (Jan 6, 2015)

Sorry - but none of my nubians are "stupid". They all jump on the milk stand and eat while being milked. I train from a young age to hop up on the stand for hoof trimming, grooming and meds..... sometimes it's just the goat. The worst one I had, that I got rid of after she broke the milk stand was a boer/dairy cross.......


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## VVFarm (Dec 14, 2015)

Well, my dumb one MUST have been dropped on her head after all! ;-)


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## fcdairygoats (Jun 24, 2013)

Little-Bits-N-Pieces said:


> You know, the goats I get from my friend all have their weird little quirks. She'll tell me some only like one grain, some like two different ones and you can't mix, you have to split it down the middle, some don't like being milked a certain way, etc. I laugh and get them to my house, and that'll maybe last a couple day, maybe a week or two at most, and then they're a completely different goat.
> After they get here, a bomb could go off underneath them on the stand and they wouldn't skip a beat :lol:
> 
> All the babies raised here are like that when they're born, the horses actually keep breaking the fence down and getting into the goat pen, the goats don't even bat an eye. And I've had foals in with them before, calves, mini cow, etc. The dogs go in there and wrestle with each other, chickens fight, they just don't care anymore. :lol:


My goats are the same way. They all learn to be hand and machine milked because I do both. They all learn they are not to kick, fidget, stomp, squat etc while milking and they learn a great deal of patience on the milk stands...just because one is done doesn't mean it's time to flee the milk room. My girls come in one by one (normally, I have a few I will let in together) and they leave in a group to go back to the holding pen. They also do not barge through the gate. If they attempt to they get whacked on the nose. There really is no real milking order. It's who ever is at the gate and I grab first gets to go...which is good, at least they don't have an order memorized and get all bent out of shape if they aren't milked in that order! lol I have 4 milk stands, 3 are the same and 1 is different so I will switch the goats out so they will get on any of the four. I don't use the same stand every single time.

Now if I do rearrange the milk room I will forgive them for acting like idiots the first couple of times. lol


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## fcdairygoats (Jun 24, 2013)

goatblessings said:


> Sorry - but none of my nubians are "stupid". They all jump on the milk stand and eat while being milked. I train from a young age to hop up on the stand for hoof trimming, grooming and meds..... sometimes it's just the goat. The worst one I had, that I got rid of after she broke the milk stand was a boer/dairy cross.......


Same here!  The worst goat I owned and this was to handle to milk to do whatever with was a Lamancha. NEVER again will I have one. Give me a Nubian any day of the week! :greengrin:


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## dreamacresfarm2 (May 10, 2014)

My Lamachas are a dream to milk but that Saanen was miserable at first. I think it is individual goats not a breed. lol


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## fcdairygoats (Jun 24, 2013)

I help show Lamanchas, my opinion remains the same for them. I have yet to meet one I like. I've also helped show other Nubians, Saanens, Nigerian Dwarfs (back breakers those are lol especially when I am use to full size goats) Oberhasli...I am not sure if I have handled any other breeds. Not including my goats I would choose the Saanens I help with over the others. Nigerians would be a close second. BUT the ones I have helped show have owners that work with them prior to the shows. And the only reason the Nigerians come behind the saanens is because of their short size. It kills my back to show them but their owners have been very helpful in showing my Nubians that I just deal with it if they need help. That's the great thing about goat shows. Most everyone is friendly enough to help each other out.


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## VVFarm (Dec 14, 2015)

fcdairygoats said:


> . That's the great thing about goat shows. Most everyone is friendly enough to help each other out.


I'll second that. That's the great thing about goat people in general. Always cheering each other on and willing to help out. 
I love my fellow crazy goat people! ;-)


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## thegoatgirl (Nov 27, 2011)

Oh, I'm in love with this thread.  Some great, giggle-inducing stories on here! And I must admit, I am relieved that I'm not completely alone. :lol:

Now, let's see. My absolute weirdest milker EVER is my Alpine, Chant. She hates food, 'nuff said. I've been pulling my hair out over this one! But, when in milk, she will actually eat a bit, and apparently I have to split the feed into tablespoon sized servings. Drives me crazy, and you can bet that as soon as she is dry she's eating it all at once or nothing at all.

My second quirky girl is my personal herd favorite, Frosty. She will allow me to milk her only after she has finished her feed and has access to my hair so she can lick it. :doh: Joy. She is also the doe that acts like a dog and will eat anything and everything under the sun. 
On another note, Frosti and her daughter and look-alike, Rosti, actually like drinking ACV plain, love Replamin Plus Gel, and enjoy sitting in water troughs during the summer. I don't know how I'm going to tell the two apart soon. :lol:

I did have a Nubian/Oberhasli/Toggenburg/Lamancha cross doe who would refuse to eat on the stanchion. No offense to any Nubian breeders out there, but Nubs just aren't my cup of tea.  While I do love their breed, the Nubians I have handled are just a bit to temperamental for my taste. But then again, I'm probably a bit biased as well. :lol:


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## goathiker (Apr 14, 2011)

Funny end to Barbara Gene's story. I decided I was getting too crippled up to deal with her anymore, she plus kids and her daughter plus the daughter's kid were sold last summer. I kept Guinen and both of her daughters to rebuild my herd with gentler goats. 
Franky runs headlong for whatever she wants, spends her time standing on the trough...


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## lottsagoats1 (Apr 12, 2014)

My goats freak out if anyone other than I am in the barn. Milk them???? Only me or they try to fly thru the air. I have a couple who like to fling their feed. The Nubians still come out of their stall to be milked and act like they haven't a clue where they are. I tie all my milkers up to a picket line to wait their turn. The Nubians run out of their stall and dash around the barn in a panick, clueless as to what they need to do-after 4 years of the same ritual twice a day 365 days a year.


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## fcdairygoats (Jun 24, 2013)

Only time my Nubians panic is when I move stuff around in the feed room and the milk room. I've done a lot of work with my does(since they are show does) and when they go to the shows they get use to strangers walking by while milking out at shows. They are also use to kids (human) running up and down the isles screaming as well. 
If they are left to be use to one thing and one thing only they will freak out but that tends to go for most any goat. They think they need a routine which is why I don't put them on a "routine", they don't get certain grain if they choose not to eat what I have mixed up and they do not choose which milk stand they get to milk on nor who milks them or what they are milked with (hands or machine). I also have every single milker trained to milk from either side (and from the back as well). I bought a doe once that was good milking on the right (my right) but didn't like the left...so that doe was put on a stand where I milked from the left and I milked her that way until she realized it wasn't working with me. She quit throwing her fits once she realized I wasn't going to budge.


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## lukeoleary (Dec 28, 2013)

goatblessings said:


> Sorry - but none of my nubians are "stupid". They all jump on the milk stand and eat while being milked. I train from a young age to hop up on the stand for hoof trimming, grooming and meds..... sometimes it's just the goat. The worst one I had, that I got rid of after she broke the milk stand was a boer/dairy cross.......


Same here! I read so much about how "Nubians are crazy" and to always "steer clear of them" but I have not seen that at all with mine! I mean sometimes they are louder than my Saanens, but not much. I really think temperament and funny characteristics are just goat by goat. Some of the Nubian gene pools just must be filled with the wackos we hear so much about


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## goathiker (Apr 14, 2011)

Plus, what your personality gets along with, I think. I don't get along with Alpines at all, to me they are too overbearing, too prone to escape, and not cuddly enough.


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## groovyoldlady (Jul 21, 2011)

When I was farm sitting, there was this one goat that I really disliked. She was a LaMancha/Alpine cross and she was just FULL of attitude. 

The milkroom there was awesome with a raised platform that held 2 goats. You open a slide door on one end and 2 does come up a ramp and through the door and march up to the 2 feeding stations. You chain their collars to a fairly short chain on the wall, do your cleaning and milk them (machine or hand - they did either/or), then open a sliding door in front of them to let them back out into the pen. 

The milking platform was about chest high so you could milk standing up...

I knew most of the goats by name, but I hadn't met this doe before. She came through the door first and stopped at the first feed station even though she was supposed to move on to the second one so the doe behind her could come up. That's where we had our first battle. If any of the other girls stopped at the wrong feed dish, I usually just had to give gentle tug and they'd move on. Not this little darlin'. We had us quite a pushing, shoving match!

When I FINALLY got her where she belonged, I chained her up immediately. (I didn't bother chaining most of the girls because they stayed put until the grain ran out!) WE were at war thence forth! I tried to sweet talk her that first time to make up for our squabble. She promptly head-butted me so hard I saw stars and cried. My response was to behave in a very unseemly manner (I'll leave the details up to the reader's imagination!) and to dub her "Butthead". From that time onward I chained her up as short as I possibly could but where she could still eat. She never kicked, but she tried to butt me every time I got near her her. Our dislike was mutual!!!

Imagine my surprise when I learned that her real name was "Cinderella" and that the owner never had a lick of trouble with her. Yeah...what a princess!!!

And yes, I did farm sit for them again and no, we didn't get along any better. Stupid goat!

Man, my blood pressure has shot up just thinking about her!

Ironically, all their other goats loved me.


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## Little-Bits-N-Pieces (Apr 7, 2013)

goathiker said:


> Plus, what your personality gets along with, I think. I don't get along with Alpines at all, to me they are too overbearing, too prone to escape, and not cuddly enough.


Well if we're matching personalities, does this imply I'm overbearing, prone to run away and vicious? :ROFL: I buy that :lol:


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## Little-Bits-N-Pieces (Apr 7, 2013)

groovyoldlady said:


> She was a LaMancha/Alpine cross and she was just FULL of attitude.


Clearly it was the LaMancha influence  :lol: I had some once, they we vicious, had to get rid of them to keep them from biting my Alpines' udders' and trying to rip their teats and ears off!


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## VVFarm (Dec 14, 2015)

So THAT'S why LaManchas don't have ears!!! :lol:


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## deerbunnyfarm (Dec 14, 2015)

Speaking of lamanchas not having ears.... I was just on my fb goat group and there's a guy selling a "Purebred Nigerian Dwarf" with elf ears. I kid you not, he wrote that he rescued him because the mean previous owners cut his ears off and he thinks that's "just not right".


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## milk and honey (Oct 31, 2010)

Oh, that's too funny!!!


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## wndngrvr (Dec 10, 2011)

Enjoy all the funny stories about the milking girls. I had nubians years ago and loved them but they were fussy about everything being just right. Now I have nigerians and some can be little devils. I have a camper converted into a milk room and sometimes they get pretty pushy on the porch wanting in -I keep a spray bottle at the door. I just have to pick it up and the pushing stops. 
I had one girl that would lay down when I milked and my hubby rigged up a wide belt attachment on the stancheon that I could put under her chest. She learned to pend her front legs up and kneel on it while I milked. Crazy girl. Mine got spoiled with treats and some won't get off the stancheon without their treat. Raisons or animal cracker and then they will leave. All and all they are pretty good. They like the machine much better than being hand milked.


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## lovinglife (Jun 6, 2013)

It is funny how different they are. I have two pure Nubians, they have to stand in the doorway and look everything over, then very carefully jump on the stand, then I have one half Nubian half Angora, when it is her turn she is like a bullet jumping on the stand, then I have Guernseys and with them I open the door, they take a quick look and up they go, then my Alpine is like LET ME IN! MY TURN! She cares not what anything looks like she just sees the grain pan and shes there. I love them all.


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## Kupla (Aug 1, 2014)

I only have two does right now, both Mini-Alpine. One will be a FF in the next couple weeks so we'll see how things go with her. The other is going to freshen for the 8th time, she doesn't get fed while I milk I insist that she stand calmly without the bribe. She does have one quirk, halfway to the stand she has to stop to pee, it doesn't matter if it's only a couple drops she has to squat and pee before I tie her for milking.


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## FineFolly (Dec 29, 2015)

What a crack up this post is! Thanks everyone!


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