# Am I horrible?



## Maggie (Nov 5, 2010)

I just got home to find our fence mangled again from Sarah (the rescue mule with EPM)and this time a fence post snapped off. Its just becoming more than I bargained for and I feel so horrible thinking like this. I have over $2000 in an animal that I pulled off the meat truck and shes just not getting any better. Seems like every week she is doing something to hurt herself. She has hock sores so bad from getting up that are constantly bloody and raw, its useless putting ointment on them because she lays down or falls to often. Her haunch is still swollen up from her fall this week, although she is walking better. Our fence is so beat up, and I know that can be somewhat fixed, but its just tiresome. I've tried turning the electric on the fence to train her to stop napping next to it, but she won't keep away from, I turned it off after I saw her just standing there getting zapped by it. I just can't help but feel like I made the wrong choice in treating her and should have put her down. I don't know, maybe I am just feeling frustrated because she is not getting any better. Even our vet says I should have seen some improvement by now, and we really haven't. One day I am hopeful that she looks happy and is grazing, then the next she seems miserable again and is falling over ripping something apart. :sigh:


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## milkmaid (Sep 15, 2010)

:hug: I am so sorry. I am praying for her and for you to know what to do. :hug:


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## Utterly Blessed Farm (Dec 21, 2011)

I sympathise with you and your frustration. Many years ago I had a horse who had foundered years before I purchased him. I had him for a couple of years before he began to have major hoof problems. I spent the next two years having shoes and pads custom made for him every four weeks. I kept him in deep shavings when he was is a stall and I stopped riding him. He continued to slowly go down hill but I loved him and could not bear to put him to sleep. Finally I came to the realization that his quality of life was not good. He was not improving and never would and I was only keeping him alive for me. I had him put to sleep. I still regret keeping him alive for the last year of his life because he was in a lot of pain many days and he didn't deserve what I put him through. However, making a decision to put an animal down is like playing God and that is not ever easy. 

I'm so sorry you are going through this. :hug:

PS No ~ you are not horrible! Not at all.


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## Maggie (Nov 5, 2010)

Utterly blessed- I too had a horse with founder, I was in college when we put her down. It was my first pony actually, had her for 13 years. The last two years she suffered with re-occuring founder. Now that I look back on it I regret waiting that long too. She had to be kept in a dirt paddock, with no grain, just hay and still kept worsening. She was miserable. I remember one day she bit me on the shoulder, I had a carhart jacket on and still had a huge bruise and teeth marks in my shoulder. When we finally decided to end her suffering, we started turning her back out in the pasture her last 2 weeks, knowing it would only make her feet worse. She would run and buck and roll in the grass and was one happy pony on the day she was put down. 


I guess with Sarah I just keep hoping that the medicine will work. It still hasn't, but I don't want to feel like a gave up too soon either :?


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## Goat Song (May 4, 2011)

That is such a hard place to be... I'm so sorry.  :hug: I've been through something like that before, only it was with a favorite goat. I kept putting off having her put down, even though I could see she was suffering. I just kept on hoping that the medicine would help, and then one night she died. Alone, and in pain. Every case is different, and unfortunately only YOU can make the decision on Sarah. I'll be praying for you and for Sarah. :hug:


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## HoosierShadow (Apr 20, 2010)

I don't think your horrible at all Maggie, in fact I think you are Sarah's angel ? You have tried to extend her life with quality and love, something she may not have had before. 
If you feel the time has come to put her down, how could we say that is wrong? Your doing all you can, but if you feel she is not improving like she should at this point, you have to decide when enough is enough. It's not playing God, it's just being humane and caring. I know it's easier to say than to act out, I know I'd be heartbroken and so unsure what to do as well, not to mention feeling so guilty and horrible.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

:hug: ray:


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## Maggie (Nov 5, 2010)

I have a feeling it is time to end her suffering... but then I feel I will be wondering if I gave up too soon? She spent her night out in the rain last night even though I had her where she should have had plenty of shelter. I went and get her twice last night to put her back in the shelter with her hay, she was shaking all over because she was cold. This morning she was outside again soaking wet, she perked up as soon as she saw I had alfalfa with me and came toward me, but then started circling to the right and couldn't seem to make herself walk straight. She looked so frustrated. I had to go halter her and bring her to the hay. Its just soo sad seeing her.... but at the same time I keep hoping  Its killing me and I don't know what to do.


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## naturalgoats (Jan 3, 2011)

:hug:  ray: :hug: I'm so sorry... it is so hard on you.... :hug: I will be thinking of you and her.
M.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

I'd build up something... to make her stay inside...like a panel stall or even a pallet stall....it is very easy to do...
it isn't helping... that she keeps going out in the cold...

She sounds to be a fighter and it is good ....that she still has appetite....



> but then started circling to the right and couldn't seem to make herself walk straight. She looked so frustrated.


 Did she just start this behavior...if so ...start treating for polio and listeria.... right away...... :hug: ray:

I do understand though... if you want to put her down...that is up to you.... it is so hard.. I know.... :hug: ray:


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## Maggie (Nov 5, 2010)

I don't keep her in a stall because she gets herself cast and can't get up. That is how she was so cut up when I got her. She would get really injured if she was in a pallet stall.
Circling is a sympton of EPM. This was the first sign I saw, so no this is not something new.


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## Maggie (Nov 5, 2010)

We had a horse at the barn I used to work at years ago who had EPM. He was treated for it for at least a month. He ended up being put down because he was in a stall and broke his neck. His walking/circling was worse than Sarah though.


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## toth boer goats (Jul 20, 2008)

I am so sorry....  :hug:


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